Three hours in a bar last night brought immense healing into my life.
True story, and now I have your attention. This isn't going to be a long story, but rather a short aside. The microstory is as follows: Three years ago, I was denied an opportunity I thought I deserved by people I respected and thought supported me. And, I never really got over it; the situation has plagued me with confusion and bitterness. Last night, during a reunion with a past life and old friends, I was finally given closure and peace regarding the decision.
I mention this incident for two reasons. 1) The necessity of tough love. 2) The significance of tough love.
The final voice in the decision and I had a conversation last night, and he explained his reasoning for rejecting my application. In short, the decision was tough love. I needed a healthy dose of humility more than I needed another reward confirming my potential. He did it to protect my character development, and his decision was based in the fact that he loved and supported me. He emphasized that this tough love was an essential part of my leadership development process and if I didn't have this experience, I wouldn't be the same person I am today. And, he's right.
In retrospect, I realize how much I benefited from this seemingly tragic occurrence. My former mentor cut me down, so that I could grow. I am reminded of how God works in similar ways. "He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." - John 15:2
Chastening, discipline, and character development are forms of tough love... the kind of love that prunes away everything that is not fruitful and leaves space for growth. Tough love is part of the process.
My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in. - Proverbs 3:11-12Last night, I realized that this decision was made not to spite me, but to enable me to continue to progress as a servant leader. Just as my director disciplined and trained me through this situation, our heavenly Father chastens us. Such tough love is for our own good, and the unpleasant acts of pruning actually show His desire to draw us closer to Himself and transform us as heirs in His Kingdom.
"We have all had human fathers [and mentors] who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. "Make level paths for your feet," so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed." Hebrews 12:9-13
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