"Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ." 1 Cor 11:1

Last night, I realized that whether or not I like it, God has given me spiritual authority in the lives of others. Thus, this has to be my mantra.  Follow me only inasmuch as I follow Christ. I need to remain in Him; not for my sake, but for the sake of those in my sphere of influence. Time in the presence of God is crucial not only because I need it, but because I am nothing without it and I defame His name by claiming Christ and not being rooted in Christ. If people see me as their spiritual mentor and I am sketchy, then the example I am setting for them is a sketchy one.

Generally I run from spiritual authority scenarios because I don't want to speak into the lives of others. I withdraw in fear of getting  prophetic words  or insight, and I had the revelation last night that I need those tools to follow Christ and set that example. I need to not only welcome them, but to seek them.

My paradigm is slowly shifting... and everyday, every moment... I need to re-declare "I have decided to follow Jesus"... bring on whatever comes with it. =]

It's interesting how the furthest thing from your mind suddenly becomes the only thing you can think about... and the last thing that you want to think about. As I have been wrestling through my thoughts this weekend, I spent a lot of time in prayer asking God to cleanse my thoughts and guard my heart and mind.

 I am incredibly grateful for my amazing friends. I love them, and they love God... so I often seek guidance and prayer support. Shani's wise advice totally made my day, so I am bookmarking it here:

"Don't drive yourself crazy in trying to figure out when is right and how and what and all that, just rest in where you are and the rest will follow if it is right....God hasn't said no so you don't have to let go... just don't jump into anything, and don't feel guilty or bad, because if it was wrong He would say no. God doesn't tease like that He is not cruel. If you decide to pursue something now you will miss an important step ... you will be settling for less than God's best. So,.....that is that thought. Just enjoy where you are and guard your heart above all else. Pursue God..."

Here is the reader's digest version of my car story: God tells me in a dream to buy a specific car. I buy that car, and the car breaks. The warranty doesn't cover it, but with the help of friends/family we give Mighty Mouse her new transmission and gas tank. Two months after buying the car, I finally drive it home and learn to drive it on the way. A week later, the clutch breaks- new master and slave cylinder.  The car is returned to me with an engine that's mostly newer than its body and more value added to it than when I purchased it.

Object lesson in humility and patience and discernment and prophesy and prayer and spiritual warfare... and I think I should really thank God for my car and how much Mighty Mouse has taught me already.

If she would break again tomorrow, it would still be worth it... =]

says to just close my eyes and dream. In disbelief, I shut them, tears rolling down my checks. "What do you see?" I see lights. Tiny lights, millions of them. Illuminating the blackened sky. A rushing sound fills my ears, like a stream bustling down a mountain or a bus barreling down the highway... I don't know where I am. It feels like the wilderness, but I cannot say whether I am in the middle of nowhere or the center of everywhere. The atmosphere is cold, and dark, and beautifully hopeless. This is what I want, to be there, wherever there may be... but, I, I don't want it for myself, I want it for you...

"Keep dreaming", he says, "don't open your eyes. What do you see?" I see the million little lights being dimmed by one overwhelming glow... the rushing noise becomes a feeble purr and then a silent roar. I feel suspended above the chaos. There is such peace, an overwhelming joy..  but also, my heart hurts, it burns, I feel like I'm being torn apart. I see nothing, yet everything. I see the impossible come to life... I see a radiance that transcends the darkness. This is what I want, to share that, that light for all to see... but, I don't want to shine for me, I want, I want you to shine through me.. for you.

"Now is the time... open your eyes", he says."Just follow me." 

...dreaming of a graffitied van... headed westward with just the necessities, a guitar that I can't play, and a kayak or two strapped to the roof. Spending mornings on the water in awe of our surroundings, days with dirty hands and busy feet following the Spirit wherever He leads, and nights marveling at the stars and our strange existence...

hmm, where are you and when can we leave?

After the city lights fade away and the District sleeps with peace again...


I'll see you, you'll find me, and off we'll go.