During service tonight, we watched an awesome video that shared two students' testimonies. The overall theme was "I once was ___, but now I'm ___" because God with the help of the community of His followers have changed my life. So much has changed in two years that I can't help but laugh when I ponder that sentence.

For me, this concept of change and transformation is difficult. One of the hardest things for me to accept and embrace is how much I have changed. Actually, I have been denying it... halfheartedly deluding myself into thinking I am still the same... but over the last week, I have been continually reminded of how much has actually changed.

Someone walked up to me the other day, stopped, stared and asked "You're Kera Package?". After reminiscing about days of old where I was a leader in an organization when she was a freshman entering the program... she asked what I am doing with my life, if I am pursuing my political dreams. I laughed, told her that I changed my major five times and my dreams were entirely different now. "Jesus, what happened?!?" "Well actually, speaking of Jesus, that's what happened... I'm majoring in religious studies, graduating early, and going into ministry..." Her jaw dropped; she was surprised to say the least. I confess that for a moment I wanted to cry because I felt like I had let her down. She is not the only one... three girls I once mentored from three different organizations now go to my university... all three are disappointed with their former role model... and a secret sinful part of me wishes I still lived up to their expectations.

I am certainly not the same person that I was two or three years ago. In fact, I am not the same person this year that I was last year. Change is hard for me to accept. For the most part, I liked me. I liked my skills and my abilities and my personality- and sometimes I feel like I've lost those or at least the avenues to express them. Though as much as I liked me, I love God more. I belong to Him and He gave me everything that I am. I am nothing without Him, and my existence is meaningless if it isn't glorifying Him. The thought of disappointing people hurts, but the thought of disappointing God is more painful than words could express.

I like the new me better. I love that I can feel Him molding me, transforming the attributes He gave me into the person He wants me to be. And, I know that I will like the person that God has created me to be even more. I long to be that person... and I feel that God has given me some direction, and I am fighting like crazy to move down that path.

Who I am becoming makes me laugh because of who I am, and who I am makes me laugh because of who I have been. As I have been laughing, I have also been contemplating how to complete the "I once was___ , but now I am____" declaration. The orator in me came up with this...

I once was motivated by the realization that "Becoming a leader is synonymous with becoming yourself. It is precisely that simple, and it is also that difficult", [and] now I am trusting that " with God's help, I shall become myself."

"How can you call yourself a Christian and have a tattoo?" Even after explaining to the student that my tattoo was meant to glorify God - to serve as a marker of what He has done in my life and a constant reminder that He should be the one directing my steps, he was still convinced that it was a sin and that I am going to hell because of a little ink.

Loy Thurman [founder of ministry] wears his faith on his skin. Bright, four-color tattoos cover his neck, back, knees and feet. The drawing on his left arm is a rendition of a famous painting called Light of the World. It depicts Jesus holding a lantern that offers light to everyone.

The Hebrew word for atonement covers Thurman’s back. Praying hands shroud his knees. A tattoo of brass knuckles covers one foot; a switchblade covers the other.

“That reminds me that prayer is a street fight,” he said. “Life is a battle for souls, and we’re called to spiritual warfare.”

Every tattoo speaks of Thurman’s faith and commitment.

“Knowing Christ is so real, I’d walk over a cliff just to get to Him. That’s the reach of the Gospel.”

Thurman’s outreach is to those in the “scene,” a subculture of music and beliefs. His work with Subculture Ministries in Baltimore, Md., is supported by Southeast Christian Church and Youth for Christ.

Thurman, 26, is one of a unique group of missionaries. He is Timothy-raised in the Southeast youth group, called to ministry and supported by the church.

Southeast member Jim Karibo has known Thurman since he was in high school.

“Loy is a disciple to kids who don’t fit in most churches,” Karibo said. “He truly loves the Lord and always wanted to be used by God in some way. I’m thrilled he’s working with these kids.

“Kids in the scene look for people who are real,” he said. “These kids stick together because they’ve been rejected by others. They may look different, yet in so many ways they’re just like everybody else. They need Christ.”

Thurman believes God has called him to witness where few preachers go. Outreach is not easy.

“Most kids in the scene have no understanding of who Christ is,” Thurman said. “They are kids who have been turned off by the traditional church. Kids who long to belong but know little of the unconditional love Christ offers.”

Thurman’s call to reach these kids was clear. He attended a concert in a dark room with a stage. A band member yelled lyrics from the stage as kids standing around him yelled them back to the lead singer. Everything about the place looked different, yet Thurman was moved.

“As I was leaving the show, I felt God asking me, ‘Who’s reaching these kids?’”

Loy shook his head. “No one is.”

And that’s when he knew what God wanted him to do. He was going to the scene.

Thurman said it’s a call to be a light in the darkness. Subculture ministry began in 1998 with kids on Bardstown Road in Louisville. In April 2002, Thurman moved to Baltimore where the scene looms much larger.

“I don’t talk about my faith when I first meet someone,” Thurman said. “The only way to share your faith is to live it. When kids ask why I believe in Christ, I answer with authority. I am proud of my faith. Subcultures are all about boldness. I’m just as bold about what I know is true.”

Not long ago, Thurman went to a friend’s birthday party. Guests included 30 tattoo artists. Conversation veered from alcohol and tattoos to Jesus and faith.

“One guy told me he’d grown up in the church but left with a lot of disappointment,” Thurman said. “He didn’t find Jesus at church, but was interested in talking about God.”

About 30 kids meet every week at an apartment in upper Baltimore for Bible study.

“Conversation at Bible study is blunt,” Thurman said. “They ask hard questions and want informed answers. The Gospel is a jewel. We don’t throw it at anybody. I show them Christ is the truth from what I have studied and experienced.”

Thurman builds friendships without ulterior motives.

“Scene kids see through people,” he said. “They’re allergic to fakes. Some of these kids have had the Bible shoved in their faces and others have been told they’re going to hell. I want to be their friend because I see value in them. If they never accept Jesus, I will still love them.”

Thurman said kids in the scene relate to rejection, ostracism and suffering.

“When some have gone to church, they don’t feel the love of the body of Christ. Kids in the scene put up barriers. They say, ‘If you don’t accept me for who I am, forget it. Do you accept me for how I look? Are you going to look past my exterior to look at my heart? If not, you’re not worth my time.’”

But there are positives.

“In the scene, kids are willing to die for their beliefs,” Thurman said. “They don’t hide their sin, so if they are having problems in their lives, everyone knows. If they come to know Christ, that commitment is unbelievable.”

As the partnership between Thurman and Southeast grows, Karibo plans to take groups of college students from Southeast on short-term mission trips to Baltimore.

“I think it’s fantastic that Southeast is committed to reach this culture of kids who feel left out of the church environment,” Karibo said. “We need to go to them.”

For more information about Thurman’s ministry go to www.hopefortherejected.org.

This article originally appeared in The Southeast Outlook on 3/25/04.

¹⁵When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?"
"Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."

¹⁶Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?"
He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."

¹⁷ The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."

Jesus said, "Feed my sheep. ¹⁸ I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go."