During service tonight, we watched an awesome video that shared two students' testimonies. The overall theme was "I once was ___, but now I'm ___" because God with the help of the community of His followers have changed my life. So much has changed in two years that I can't help but laugh when I ponder that sentence.

For me, this concept of change and transformation is difficult. One of the hardest things for me to accept and embrace is how much I have changed. Actually, I have been denying it... halfheartedly deluding myself into thinking I am still the same... but over the last week, I have been continually reminded of how much has actually changed.

Someone walked up to me the other day, stopped, stared and asked "You're Kera Package?". After reminiscing about days of old where I was a leader in an organization when she was a freshman entering the program... she asked what I am doing with my life, if I am pursuing my political dreams. I laughed, told her that I changed my major five times and my dreams were entirely different now. "Jesus, what happened?!?" "Well actually, speaking of Jesus, that's what happened... I'm majoring in religious studies, graduating early, and going into ministry..." Her jaw dropped; she was surprised to say the least. I confess that for a moment I wanted to cry because I felt like I had let her down. She is not the only one... three girls I once mentored from three different organizations now go to my university... all three are disappointed with their former role model... and a secret sinful part of me wishes I still lived up to their expectations.

I am certainly not the same person that I was two or three years ago. In fact, I am not the same person this year that I was last year. Change is hard for me to accept. For the most part, I liked me. I liked my skills and my abilities and my personality- and sometimes I feel like I've lost those or at least the avenues to express them. Though as much as I liked me, I love God more. I belong to Him and He gave me everything that I am. I am nothing without Him, and my existence is meaningless if it isn't glorifying Him. The thought of disappointing people hurts, but the thought of disappointing God is more painful than words could express.

I like the new me better. I love that I can feel Him molding me, transforming the attributes He gave me into the person He wants me to be. And, I know that I will like the person that God has created me to be even more. I long to be that person... and I feel that God has given me some direction, and I am fighting like crazy to move down that path.

Who I am becoming makes me laugh because of who I am, and who I am makes me laugh because of who I have been. As I have been laughing, I have also been contemplating how to complete the "I once was___ , but now I am____" declaration. The orator in me came up with this...

I once was motivated by the realization that "Becoming a leader is synonymous with becoming yourself. It is precisely that simple, and it is also that difficult", [and] now I am trusting that " with God's help, I shall become myself."