In the spirit of my homeboy Martin Luther, this is a 25 Thesis declaration of my frusturations with Christians , in no particular order.

25) The classic secular vs Christian battle in terms of music, books, movies, and every other form of media that is enjoyable to my life. Yes, I like secular music; it's okay. Secular stuff is still inspiring, and in some cases God inspired. Different things speak to different people... personally Metallica taught me how to pray rather than corrupting my mind. (True story; Enter Sandman)

24) The used of the word saved, especially when used in contexts like "before I was saved" or "maybe some people will get saved after I tell them my testimony". Yes, I know that salvation is Biblically accurate and that there is a change in someone when they except Christ... but we do not need to use the verb saved. What are you being saved from? You didn't get saved; you accepted salvation. You were saved the moment that Jesus died on the cross for your sins; you just couldn't reap the benefits of that atonement because you refused to recognize your salvation.

23) Using the terms believers and nonbelievers to distinguish Christians from nonChristians. There shall be no divisions amongst people, between Jew and gentile. Who cares if my neighbor is Christian? I am still going to treat him the same as I would a Christian. Let's not use labels and create divisions in our minds.

22) The phrase or implication of the phrase "because I'm Christian". No, you do not do something because you are Christian. Your actions and thoughts stem from your morals and your convictions. If you are trying to follow Jesus, then yes you should strive to uphold His teachings.... please explain your reasoning. Using a religious label as justification or an excuse makes you sound close minded and judgemental.

21) The prosperity Gospel, televangelists, and commercialized cultural Chrisitanity. I am lumping all of this together because it meshes in my mind. Joel Olsteen, the Crystal Cathedral, and Testamints are all not cool in my book. The Bible tells us to be humbled.... being a celebrity Christian who preaches heresy and steals money from folks is not humble. Having a church with a drive in worship service is not humble. Wasting money on corny Bible themed candy is not humble. This is not Dogma, and we do not all need to promote Buddy Jesus.

20)Using "I'll pray about it " as a synonym for no. If you need to pray about something and contemplate something, then please do so. Take the time and prayer that you need to come to a decision. If you already know that the answer is no, say no. Honesty is key.

19) Using prayer as a way to dish out pity or to try to figure out whats going on in someone's life. If I look upset, please do not walk up to me and say "Can I pray for you?" just to either show that you feel bad or to try to pry into what's wrong. If you care, ask to talk and then if you want to pray then that's probably okay... but if you don't care enough to be real and be a friend, then please do not ask to pray for me... if you felt the need strongly enough, you'd pray anyhow without my permission, so it shouldn't matter.

18) Pulling the God card to prove a point. Also known as "I feel like the Lord is saying" or "I think God wants you to" but really using your own thoughts and associating them with God so that you have a legit reason to project your opinions on me... God may be speaking to you, but He is also speaking to me about my life... so don't try to pull the God card unless it is authentic.

17) Bickering between denominations. We all love God, we all believe that Jesus died for us, and we should all be trying to live a godly life.... why do we dissect doctrine and create massive divisions. Who cares about the time of communion, baptism or confirmation? So what if I don't have a prayer language? What's wrong with centering with some tradition or some rosary beads? Catholics, Lutherans, Baptists, Methodists, Pentecostals.. whatever the defining term is... we are all Christians- we all have the same basic beliefs. We are all using our uniqie worship styles and interpretations to try to pull ourselves closer to God... perhaps if we let down our guard against each other, we could actually help one another in our spiritual journeys.

16) Two words: BLIND FAITH. This annoys me like no other. When you approach someone and say why do you belief this? And someone says because the Church says or because the Bible says.... but they can't explain it in their own words or even paraphrase the scripture because they have never persued a personal faith. Yet, they are the first people to criticize you for not showing up at church on Sunday, but the last people to actually pick up a Bible or question anything for themselves. Please use the mind that God gave you... and form your own viewpoints on the questions of faith.

15) Thinking that becomming a Christian is a distinct point rather than a process. Remember salvation, justification, sanctification, and glorification. Salvation occured at the cross. Justification is the point at which you realize "I am a sinner, Christ died for my sins" and repent and accept Jesus as your Savior. Sanctification is the process of becomming more holy and following in the footsteps of Jesus. Glorification is the holiness shining through you. The phases may overlap a bit... but it is still an ongoing process. The point of "conversion" isn't being saved; it's being justified in the salvation that Christ gave you when He died on the cross. You cannot think that the Jesus prayer is the end all be all of becomming a Christian. I think Kierkergard was right in saying that there are no true Christians, because being Christian implies that one is the image of Christ and we sinful people can only continue to strive towards that....

14) Confusing the terms evangelism and proselytising . Evangelism is simply sharing. If you are asked or if it comes up or if you feel you need to do so, talk about God and what He has done for you personally and for all people. Your life is God's story, His Gospel is ment to be shared... so tell it. proselytising is trying to convert people to your religion. The purpose of evangelism is sharing, and sharing only. God will change the hearts of people... don't think that you can save people. And please do not go on a mission trip for the purpose of saving people, go on the trip to serve, to love, to share.... and if you are genuine.. you will help grow the seed that God has planted in the hearts of others.

13) Hiding yourself behind the church. Be open. Be honest. Encourage people to talk about things. Do not put a sign on your forehead saying that "I am Christian.. hear me roar (and I roar in tongues because I believe in prayer languages) or (I roar fiercely because I am one of the elected chosen through predestination)." But, please be honest about your beliefs. Do not lure in people by playing the safe card. If your church is charismatic, encourage discussion about it. If your church is calvinist, encourage discussion about it. And this goes for any belief... you should not have to sift through doctrine to get to the heart of the church.

12)The phrase "in Christian love" . Why not just in love? Our love should not be confined to our Christian friends. It should not be catergorized by societal labels. Our love should be for all people. Jesus loved everyone, and He loved all people with equality.

11) The emphasis on the physical manifestation of gifts or answers to prayers or creations instead of a focus on God- the source of all things. I frankly don't care if I ever see a miracle or have a prayer answered tangibly... because I still know that God is incredible and He loves me. Don't expect to see signs and wonders everywhere. Expect God to be there in His own way... when we expect the wooing at every meeting, we start worhsiping the manifestation and not God... be content with nothing. Know that He will show up, but don't expect Him to wave flags to indicate that He enjoys sitting in your company.

10) Putting God in a box. Forgetting how many times the Bible says that with God anything is possible. Sometimes we judge others inadvertantly and/or criticize God by focusing soley on the truth we think we know... instead of realizing that God is so much bigger than the box that we contain Him in.

9) Forgetting that Christians are terrorists too. Our religion is not without fault. Crusades, Inquisition, Early colonial missionaries.... need I say more. Actually, yes I do. Let's try: abortion clinic bombings and the Oklahoma City bombing. People do bad things in the name of Jesus all the time. We are no better than those who do bad things in the name of Allah. Think about history before you condemn other religions for their actions.

8) Inadvertantly making people, locations, or countries your projects. O yes, this happens. I will help deliver so and so. I will spread the word to all of this city to save the people. This African nation needs saved so I'm going... .forget the religion. Think of the people.... as people. Get to know them as people. God will show up through your genuine love and compassion.

7) Hypocrisy. It's inevitable because we are all human.. but don't kid yourself... sometimes we are no better than the Pharisees.

6) People who quote C.S. Lewis as if he were the fifth Gospel writer. I love the man. I think he is brilliant. The Chronicles of Narnia is not the third book of chronicles. He is a commentary. Please do not quote Mere Christianity the same way you would quote the Gospel according to Mathew.

5) Scripture taken out of context! *cries* The Bible has context, history, literary structure... and a lot of other elements that need to be taken into consideration. You cannot just pluck out a line and say that's it without knowing where it finds into the larger picture. Please break it down word for word, but do so with everything else in mind.

4) Losing the fear of God. the reverance to the Holy Communion. the observation of the days of Holy week... of the importance of obedience. Yes Jesus is love! Incredible. There is also a thing known as the wrath of God... God is a judge as well as a loving Father. Some respect people! "Fear of the Lord" is so important. Respect and reverance are a keycomponent of faith... humblility comes with realizing the athropology of humankind is a cross between beloved heirs and despised sinners.

3) Thinking that your path looks like everyone else. The way to heaven is the narrow gate, but that doesn't mean that the road leading to that gate is the same for everyone. Remember that being a Christian is being in a personal relationship with God. Personal relationship... God knows us better than we know ourselves and he knows how to reach us each in the most effective way. Respect the uniqueness that God created us each with....

2) Praying in a prayer circle as if you were giving a speech for an oratorical contest. God is real. God is listening. Be real. Talk to Him. Forget about the five other people listening, God is the one who you are talking to. He knows contrived crap from genuine pleas... and thanks... and what not. Be real. God loves it. People respect it.

1) Religion is an institution. Faith is a relationship. Use the instititution as a tool... to grow the faith. Worship God, not the church.

As of today, I have been living in Montana for exactly two weeks. Such a short amount of time has passed since my three day greyhound trek to get here, but it seems as if these last two weeks have been two years. It's rather surreal to think about the friends I have made and the things that I have learned since I have been here. I love it here! Although, I must admitt that I am hitting the point of irritation to a certain degree and I am missing the District a little. I cannot complain though because I know that I am going to have difficulty leaving this place already... and I have only been here two weeks.

Something about nature takes my breath away... the mountains.. the stars... the sky... My heart and mind live for the late night conversations with people.... and I am convinced that the greatest feeling in the world is laughing until it hurts.... yes, Montana is refreshing my spirit and renewing my outlook on life.

I still cannot tell you why I am here. I will still be broke at the end of the summer. I am not even guarenteed that I will make enough money to make rent. Not to mention that I don't know how much money I will owe for tuition yet.... my family doesn't support me being here and they don't even know the real reasons for my comming.... and I am not necessarily entirely comfortable with the theological teachings that I am surrounded by.... not even mentioning my feelings concerning XA or AG as organizations. It doesn't make sense for me to be spending the summer at an XA program in Montana. It my not seem logical, but I can assure you that this is exactly where God wants me this summer... and I am intrigued by my situation and curious to see what He has in mind for all this....

The intensity is not overwhelming, but rather refreshing in the midst of a challenge. I feel myself being refreshed, despite the fact that it is a somewhat dry season for me. There will be no burning bushes or miraculous visions this time around, figuratively speaking... but there is a sense of discipline and guidance being slowly established... a foundation of sorts.

Imagine that: building your life about the solid foundation of Christ. Seems simple enough, but yet so complicated. I'm already partly built, half of that rock, half floating in the air. The challenging is to shift things and make the pieces connect in the most structurally stable way possible. Then perhaps, we can step back and try to figure out what the architect has in mind.

The innerworkings of His mind are way too great for me to even attempt to understand; afterall, I can barely figure out what is happening in my own mind. There are a million questions racing through my head... and a million answers that I seek to find. Where to begin is the challenge. And then, I still ask myself on a regular basis if my mind is slowly fleeing from me... am I losing it? I wish sometimes that I could say that I was, it would be so much simplier that way.

I'm not sure what to think... or what I know... but what I cannot deny is that God wants me here and there is purpose in it. I know that in my heart, and it has been confirmed by others... what the purpose may be is really the mystery that I have yet to discover...

One look at the church bulletin and I started laughing to myself. My brother, confused, asked what I was mocking in the announcements... nothing. It's nothing... o but it is everything. I'm home for one church service, attending Pentecost Sunday in my old fashion Lutheran Church. The beauty, the irony, the purpose...

I found myself missing a church that I had been attending in DC.. I found myself missing the singing, the band, the freedom to move and to reach out, to kneel, to speak... i found myself seeking a charismatic worship style. Awkward, since I am the spokesman for the importance of tradition... a good hymn melts my heart.. yet this morning, I really wanted to sing Song of Hope...

Pentecost Sunday, as I remember it growing up, normally consists of acknowledgment of the birth of the church, scripture readings in accordance with the liturgical calendar, a sermon on the importance of church involvement.... and no further explanation. Generally, the Holy Spirit is played down and not really explained... so Pentecost remains a mystery that no one discusses.

In fact, the first time I remember hearing the season explained was at Lutherlyn during confirmation camp.. and I remember being fairly confused. Actually, I think I remained fairly confused until I sat through an information session on the Holy Spirit early this year. I reread the scripture and it finally makes sense to me... the first time I truly understand the significance of Pentecost, I honestly find immense joy in celebrating it, and I am back in my home church where we don't discuss it.

However, we have a new temporary pastor, and this pastor was different than most I have met. My mam told me that she told the congregation that God is trying to use her to speak to our dying church, to return it to theological truth, and to revive the congregation. After hearing her preach, I believe it. This little old lady is definitely a blessing to my church, even if they don't realize it yet.

She emphasized all the right points that no one touches upon in my church. She focused on edifying one's personal relationship with God for the purpose of fulfilling the commission that we were all given. She used scripture with contextual accuracy, she incorporated prayer with highest regard, and she even hit upon the Holy Spirit topic by mentioning that we should celebrate the unity that comes with everyone having access to one heavenly language. I only smiled because I know that she has God's touch upon her life and her calling in this small town, and while no one else in the service may have realized what she was referring on this Pentecost Sunday or that she feels like she is called to attempt to revive the church... I smile because I know.

To add to the smiling, the pastor added an additional section to the prayers of the church portion of the service today. She prayed a quick line for anyone who was considering pursuing a religious vocation would receive guidance and discernment as they begin that journey. It was an unusual format and topic, that didn't flow with the rest of the prayers of the church... yet it stood apart and struck a beat in my heart.

My heart is trying to find a place where it belongs...

Normally I at least try to format my thoughts in some long, drawn out overly dramatic metaphor or something.. but today I am just going to be fragmented

I miss AU/DC already. car ride home= awkward. uncle called me naive and said that i need to grow up and realize money is more important than happiness sometimes. complains about family, then complains about me escaping it. so confused by him. home = same pretty much. sisters seem like zombies. cody is clingy. can tell he misses me. love my dog. raz wont leave my side. saw grandparents last night.. drunk but glad to see me. mom was at bar all night. saw her this morning. nothing new.

met sisters' case worker. seems nice. enchanted by my mom and her ability to create one like me. the cycle never changes, but at least help is help even at minimal levels.

went to school. totally different. people still act like i own place, but i no longer feel connected to it everyone glad to see me. a bit disappointed in my lack of direction of my life. tylus told me that i need to focus. to decide my purpose and get a degree . and then worry about job after... she speaks wisdom. but not in the same sense she used to.. its a bit different now... did say that im always trying to remember myself as a hardass or a bad kid and that i need to realize that i was always one of the good ones.. and that that is okay.. some people are just made to be good ones... i wonder if im still trying to hard to be a bad ass... sometimes i think that i am.. but at the same time... i wonder if i am really a good kid or if i just try to be one.

makes one wonder if i have any clue whatsoever what i am doing with my life. some days i think i know. others i have no idea.. and then there are days when i see fifty million options and i want to take either all of the above or none of the above.. no option in between.

this is weird. nothings changed. little things have.. but the major change is me. cant explain how or in what ways.. but.. yeah.

good to be here. better to leave. wish i had some clarity to accompany me. im starting to get excited for montana...yes, i said it. im starting to look forward to a bit of time with God, and some crazy Christian folk, in the mountains....

Sometimes I can only smile at the irony that is my life... a true smile that peaks with watery eyes... because I have seen the radiance of the sun. A smile. So rare, so precious... especially upon my face. A smile full of wonder, of gratitude, and of hope. A smile... says so much more than words could ever express.

There is a smile on my countenance at the moment... there is a smile within my soul... and there is a face greater than I can ever imagine smiling down at me right now.

The power of a smile...

Why smiling? The path we take may not lead to the journey we expected, but sometimes the true purpose of the journey is the journey itself. Sometimes time is of essence and sometimes scenic detours are necessary...

A smile... Chronos continues as Kairos prevails...

I was introduced to the concept Monday night... and midway through my interview Tues, I suddenly knew that my Kairos has not yet arrived. Confused because I, myself, never felt like this point in chronos was the right time to move forward, but rather I felt pressed from a higher timekeeper to continue... I questioned even the interview as to why the time might not theoretically be right. I awaited the decision, but in my heart I knew that it was not my Kairos. Why would I be placed on a path if this chronos does not correspond with what I am designed to do ? Who is keeping time anyhow? Am I imagining the timekeeper? I wrote the word Kairos on my arm shortly after the interview because I knew that I needed to remember that it was yet to come... and didn't mention my conflicting this is not the right chronos vibe to anyone until Thursday night. Thursday I pulled a close friend aside and expressed my extreme frustration with my conflicting vibes and how it was pulling on my faith. Not in the scope of the one circumstance, but in the scope of my life. Everything is conflicting vibes.. I'm here, but my spirit wants to go... where I do not know, but to go, to help, to serve... yet this is not the time for that. My friend reminded me of and of purpose and of the importance of preparation... he reminded me why I should be smiling...

Last night, eh officially this morning, my feelings were confirmed as I saw the conversation play out in front of me just as I already knew that it would. If it didn't, I would have had to make the same assertion. A smile... A relief. It's a matter of Kairos in chronos, and this is not my Kairos...

So timekeeper, why shine your light upon a path in this point in chronos if it is not my Kairos? Ah, because sometimes it is the journey, not the destination, that is important. A smile... it's not my Kairos for that circumstance or for going to be the person I was designed to be.... yet....

O the wait for the Kairos... I know that is coming.. and I know that it will be greater than I can even imagine...

Still smiling....