For almost two weeks, my igoogle verse of the day was stuck on 2 Cor. 12:8-10. Two weeks, from the moment I discovered changing my academic plan was a possibility until the moment I turned in my final form declaring my major. No lie. Coincidence? Definitely not. For one, I do not believe in coincidences. More importantly, strong convictions with perfect timing generally should not be overlooked.

I have been a little, eh , emotional over the last few days. Tears are making rather regular appearances. My thorn in my side is digging in at full capcity, the devil is hitting my buttons, and God is showing me pieces of His plan- intimidating pieces of His plan. I cry out of neither happiness nor sorrow.. but from a place of joy in the peace that comes with knowing that I, a great sinner, am truly following a great God.

When I am at my weakest, I often need a reminder of God's promises to me and the truth that He has spoken in my life. I call it the affirmation study. I remind myself of scriptural truth in sentimental verses, of things God has done in my life, of prophetic words given for my life, of the reality of my strengths and weaknesses. It is both encouraging and humbling, and above all, it recenters me in the truth that His grace is enough.

Tonight I set aside the evening to pray and quickly realized that I was in need of a study session. It has been awhile, and the highlights of the review all led me back to 2 Cor 12. Accept weakness, allow God to be strong, and "embrace the call to leadership."

It is time to say goodbye to my strength and to my safety plan... and to say hello to those future possibilities. If I believe my God is who He says He is- and I do- then His grace is more than sufficient.

I just had the most nontraditional Holy Week of my life. No Palm Sunday service, no Maundy Thursday service, no Good Friday mediation or service, no breaking of fast, no Easter hymns... Part of me is disappointed that my Lenten season was lacking the reverence of liturgy and the my Easter morning did contain chorus of "Jesus Christ is risen today".

Yet, I am not as disturbed by the lack of tradition than I thought Iwould be, yet I am more disturbed than I think I should be. It bothers me, a lot... in a I feel like I'm not respecting God enough sentiment. Even so, I absolutely love my church and the people that go there. And as our pastor said this morning, the church lives a resurrection lifestyle, not merely to revere resurrection Sunday once a year.

However.... I don't understand why both cannot exist simultaneously... for now the happy medium is being devoted to my church and sneaking in the occasional Methodist service (midnight Easter vigil) to get my fix of traditional flair.

Just some thoughts.. but I guess it really doesn't matter because....

He is Risen. Hallelujah! =]

This weekend, I'm going to Target and purchasing a basketball.

Basketball for me personifies every failure, every tear, everything I wish that I would have done but couldn't do by my own strength... it is the epitome of where I have come up short in my life.

It is also one of my greatest loves. A passion that I have pushed away because I don't know how to healthily enjoy the sport or mentally cope with my lack of ability and success.

It is a large part of who I am, and its time for my worlds to merge... it's time for me to get over my fears and insecurities... and nothing speaks fear and failure more than the sound of the ball hitting the asphalt. It is a scar that I need to heal. And, a passion that can definitely have a useful purpose in my life.

So, after three years of refusing to acknowledge the sport... this weekend, I'm spending some time on an outdoor court. Just me, a lovely orange ball, an old pair of overpriced Nikes, and a God powerful enough to bring that sort of healing into my life.