"You know Him!!"  The audio from the streaming sermon echoed through the room.  It's title was "Magnifying the Holy Spirit", and the preacher kept saying over and over again, "You know Him. You know God!"

Dumbfounded, I thought, "You're right. I know Him".  Why do I often I forget that?

The sermon was recorded in September and never mentions the nativity, but isn't this what Christmas is all about? Knowing Him. Knowing a Messiah that loved us enough to become Emmanuel God with us. Who loved us enough to live a model human life and then sacrifice himself on a cross for us. Who loved us enough to leave the Earth so that He could give us His Holy Spirit and His Church could continue His incarnational ministry? 

This Christmas, I am reminded that I know Him, that I have seen His love, and my responsibility and privilege is to make Him known by sharing His love during my time in this crazy world. 

" Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.  This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.  This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.  Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. "1 John 4: 7-16.

I have been meditating on one question for the last few days. Before I share the question, allow me to provide one sentence of context: while I don't regret it, I wouldn't get my lip pierced again.  With that said, this is what keep asking myself:

If a little shard of metal in my lip is this uncomfortable, how much more uncomfortable would it be to be impaled with spikes through my wrists and feet, nailing me to a cross?

"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. " Isaiah 53:5

I sometimes wonder if Jesus would die on the cross again after experiencing the pain of crucifixion and the pain of awaiting His return for over two millennium.  The answer is simple. Absolutely, He knew exactly what He was doing and knew it would be totally worth it because He sees the beauty beyond the healing.


updated: It has been brought to my attention that this post may sound like I got the piercing in order to experience pain or that the pain may be a direct way of relating to Christ. Neither sentiment was my intention. This isn't about self mutilation in order to relate to the cross or directly comparing my pain to Jesus' suffering. I did not get the piercing for those reasons, and you can read my previous post to read why I did get it. The simple fact of the matter is whenever I experience pain, I remember the suffering of Jesus on the cross for me. And this current lip discomfort oddly enough has had me reflecting upon the crucifixion quite often.

Admittedly, I first wanted to get my lip pierced because it looked cool. Then, I wanted to get it done because I knew it would challenge my conservative friends to interact with those who choose to embrace counterculture staples like body art and because I knew it would be a great conversation point when talking with non-Christians.  More recently, I have been contemplating getting a lip piercing for symbolic reasons. A prayerful consideration of the symbolic nature of piercings is the main factor leading me to go through with the piercing later today.  I know that many will simply see this post as a spiritual justification of an impulsive decision, but I have truly thought and prayed through this, so I wanted to share my perspective.

"But if he says to you, ‘I will not go out from you,’ because he loves you and your household, since he is well-off with you, then you shall take an awl, and put it through his ear into the door, and he shall be your slave forever. And to your female slave you shall do the same. " - Deuteronomy 15:16-17. 

Piercings in ancient times were a symbol of slavery. An earring and its placement indicated that the individual's life had belonged to another. This passage from Deuteronomy instructs master's to pierce their servants if the servant chooses to remain in the master's household after the sabbatical year.  This was to be the choice of the servant, as an indication of devotion to his master. He could either go free or choose to fully commit to the household by publicly marking himself.

Too often this year, I have forgotten my master. I feel like I am in a critical year and season of life. This is the sabbatical semester. Though I have been doing much, I don't feel that I have been learning much or growing much. My faith has been rather complacent, and that is unacceptable. I feel like at the moment God has granted me a bit of a release-some time to really evaluate my life and to determine if I truly want to belong to His household and truly partake in the work of His ministry. This semester has not been one of radical faith, but rather of going through the motions. My devotional life has been sketchy, my prayer life isn't as solid as it should be, and my work has been leisurely. As the semester ends, I feel like the Lord has presented a choice before me. I can either release myself to make due with what He has given me thus far or fully commit to a radical faith of radical service to His household. I fully believe that He already knows what I will choose.

I will choose Him. I will choose to remain enslaved to His purpose. Though that is my desire, I often forget to whom I belong. I often forget that I am the servant of the Lord, and my sole goal in life is to build His house.  My confession is that I know that I have made many mistakes lately, and I have failed to repent time and time again. My confession is that I am too weak to remember to whom I belong. In my weakness, I choose to publicly mark myself and declare my loyalty to my master.

Like the slaves of yesteryear, I choose to pierce my body as a sign of submission. The traditional placement was the ear. I already have my ears pierced, and I feel this marking is meant for the part of my body that's more directly associated with both my giftings and mishaps. I am meant to be a mouthpiece for the Gospel, but out of my mouth often comes excuses, painful words, hyperbole, and language that disgraces the Gospel. At the same time, I refrain from speaking forth Truth, from correcting sin, from sharing prophetic insight, from building up other with words of encouragement, and from praising my Lord and interceding for His work. My greatest strength and biggest weakness is simultaneously communication, and the status quo needs to change.

Until I learn to whom I belong and how to serve Him in this area, I will never be truly effective in doing God's work. I am in a temporary season of preparation- a season of life that will span several years as God develops my character and skill set. While in this season, remembering with humility that I serve the Lord is crucial. When I exit this season of life, I hope that the lesson that I am willingly a servant to the King is so ingrained in my heart, mind and soul that I don't need the physical representation of a piercing to recall my loyalty. And so, I mark myself temporarily during this season of life, as a strong reminder of His ownership in my weakest moments.

This afternoon, I plan to get my lip pierced- a small silver ring, right in the center of my bottom lip. Every time I speak, eat, or quiver... I will remember to whom I belong. Every time I look in the mirror or someone stares at me, I will remember that I am not my own. I am destined to be a "mouthpiece of the Gospel" and so I am marked. When my life represents my calling without explanations because the fruit of it speaks for itself, then the ring will no longer be necessary. For now though, I am marking myself.  I choose to devote my life to His household. I choose to turn away the notion of release and fully commit myself to God.

"In the last place, I want to bore your ear. Do you mean to be bound for life? Christians, do you really mean it? Come, sit down and count the cost and, if you mean it, come and welcome! There is the standard! The blood-red Cross waves at the top of it—will you now, in cool blood, enlist for life? Every man who wishes to desert may go home. Christwants no press men. Ho, you volunteers! Come here! We want you and none but you! The Lord desires no slaves to dishonor His camp. Cowards, you may go! Double-minded men, you may get to your tents! But what do you say, you true Believers? Will you cleave to Him and His cause? Do you leap forward and say, “Never can we separate from Jesus! We give ourselves to Him for life, for death, for time, and for eternity. We are His altogether and forever”? Come, then, and have your ears bored." - excerpt from a sermon by Charles Spurgeon

 So then why the lip and not another ear piercing?

Lastly, I want you to notice that when the ear was bored, it was bored to the doorpost in the presence of the judges. It was not done in secret in some back room! It was done in public with witnesses present. If this man is going to devote himself to his master, he must be brought right out to the doorpost. “Now then, your ear, Sir. The awl must be driven right through it in the presence of spectators.” And I think consecration to Christ is not a thing to be done in secret. You who love the Lord Jesus Christ—acknowledge it! If you are His servants, wear His livery. If you are His servants, come out and profess to be so! Have your ears bored to the very doorpost, publicly, and openly avow yourselves to be on the Lord’s side. He asks it and it is no more than He deserves! “He that confesses Me before men,” He says, “Him also will I confess before My Father who is in Heaven.”" - another Spurgeon sermon.

The piercing was public. It was not a common place adornment, but a radical decision to choose to remain bonded to a master out of love for his household. If only for myself, I'm piercing my lip to mark a re-commitment to God and His purposes. This is perhaps the most controversial statement I'll make since the post about my tattoo, but I truly believe that God wants me to get my lip pierced.  Strange, but true; and if it isn't, may He reveal it to me and the piercing will be removed.

I did not finish another book today, but I did watch a movie worth noting. =]

Joyeux Noel is a film depicting the 1914 Christmas truce through the eyes of Scottish, French and German troops. Though I'm not a huge fan of most Christmas movies,  I'd highly recommend watching this one.

To avoid spoiling it, I won't say too much. Can I  share a few quick thoughts?

• These types of truces would never happen today because humanity isn't trudging the trenches on the front-lines. How has the lack of face-to-face interaction in battle effect the way the world approaches warfare?
• A Scottish priest volunteers a stretcher-bearer. After the truce, he is reprimanded by a higher clergyman for not following God's will, who proceeds to preach a sermon declaring the battle a crusade. Why is it that we justify every battle with God's will? When does God actually will war?
• The German commanding officer who helps initiate the Christmas truce is Jewish. It's ironic how much he devoted to a military that nearly wiped out his ethnicity and religion. How is it that we can so quickly and passionately turn on those who have been loyal to us?
• The things that unified the troops are the things that unify demographic groups today: food, drink, family, mourning, music,  and a little game of football. How can these common joys of life be used to promote more peaceful relations?
• Towards the end of the movie, the French officer ensures his general that the troops will never talk about the truce- not because of shame- but because no one would believe or understand it. How would things change if we would talk about those things that were revolutionary in our lives that we believe no one would believe or understand? 

Also, the film features a song called "I'm Dreaming of Home". I love the lyrics, and feel like they are definitely appropriate for this film and life in general.

"This is no foreign sky
I see no foreign light
But far away am I
From some peaceful land
I'm longing to stand
A hand in my hand
...forever I'm dreaming of home
I feel so alone, I'm dreaming of home"

I just finished reading Alicia Britt Chole's Anonymous. The book looks at the importance of the years of Jesus' life before His public ministry.  The overall premise is simple: don't discount the seasons of life that seem unexciting or deserted; it is in those seasons that our character is developed and we are prepared for the moments of life that define our purpose. 

It's a quick read that offers a welcoming reflection of what it means to live life in the present.  Such a reminder is needed because I definitely feel like I am in an anonymous season of life.

My current existence is no where near what I believe God has purposed for my life. Truth be told, I am anxious and unsatisfied. I know God has great plans for my life, and I'm impatiently waiting for them to come to fruition. What Alicia reiterates over and over again in her book is that the character developed in the preparation seasons of life is a necessary qualifier to the moments of public ministry. Jesus resisted being tempted by Satan in the wilderness because he had spend years growing and maturing in preparation for his ministry and sacrifice.

To share the same sentiments through a more familiar metaphor, no athlete performs well in a televised game without first performing well in practices beforehand. While performance in the game is all that is recorded in the score book, no serious athlete goes into a practice session aiming to perform with mediocrity. And, no devoted athlete is content with the status quo; they are always trying to improve their skill set.

Thank God that I am in the anonymous season. I know that this isn't the big moment in my life, but I also know that I can do my best while I am here and strive to be better.  To continue the sports analogy, this is the season to develop my presence on the court and to strengthen my skill set. When the ministry I was destined for does come in due time, I pray that the preparation and growth that I am undergoing in this season of life will enable me to be led by the Holy Spirit, to exhibit Christ's character, and to give all the glory to God.

Aside from the Bible, I have never read a book that has convicted, challenged, and inspired me to change more that A.W. Tozer's Mystery of the Holy Spirit. This compilation of sermons is an unapologetic call to a radical Spirit-filled life.  When I think of men who lived a spirit-filled life, Tozer  definitely makes my list. In fact, I am known to tell people that if they read only one book discussing the work of the Holy Spirit, they should read this book.

After realizing that my radical faith is being tempered by my surroundings and my stubbornness, I decided to read through the sermons again. Once again, I was challenged and inspired by Tozer's  divinely inspired words. This time though, I was also challenged and inspired by Tozer's humanity. At several points in the book, I strongly began to question statements made by Tozer. I questioned his critique of rock music, his dismissal of television.. and his critique of the charismatic church movement.

In Chapter 9, Tozer explains why he doesn't want to be associated with churches that have branched forth from the Azuza Street Revival. Honestly, I was a bit taken back by this statement. Most of his sermons in this compilation are focused on "being filled with the Spirit" as an experience subsequent to conversation and a continual lifestyle needed to fully serve and worship God. He talks about miracles, spiritual warfare, healing, answered prayer, and emphasizes worship. Almost everything in this book sounds extremely charismatic to me, yet Tozer is rather harsh toward the pentecostal church. 

Why? He states that the movement has put the gift of tongues above its Biblical place and no movement that is extra-biblical can be trusted. (p.146). I completely agree that anything that isn't supported by the Bible cannot be trusted, but Tozer's critique of the movement -articulated as the concluding lines of a sermon- never examines the charismatic church's doctrine or practice through the lens of scripture. Tozer simply states his point and tells anyone who disagrees to come talk to him in person. I wish that I could take him up on his offer because I have been contemplating this one paragraph all day. 

I desire to live a Spirit-filled life,  and  I believe that God has called me to help believers grow in relationship with the Holy Spirit.  I have had many conversations about baptism/filling/anointing of the Holy Spirit as a result. Often, these conversations will turn to the topic of glossolalia- better known as speaking in tongues.

Over the years, my stance on the filling of the Holy Spirit and speaking in tongues has greatly developed and changed. (And, I am totally open to it continuing to change as long as the Spirit leads.) I once refused to believe either existed. Now, I truly believe that the infilling of the Holy Spirit is an experience subsequent to conversion, and that baptism in the Holy Spirit is usually followed by receiving the gift of a personal prayer language aka speaking in tongues. Do I believe that it is possible to be filled with the Spirit and not speak in tongues? Yes, I do. However, I believe that  the biblical model promotes a correlation between baptism of the Holy Spirit and speaking in tongues, and more often than not, people who are filled with Spirit speak in tongues. When someone is filled with the Spirit, it is the first time that they completely submit control to God and allow His Spirit to infiltrate every aspect of their life. The tongue is the most difficult aspect of humanity to tame (James 3:8), and giving the Holy Spirit control means giving Him control over our tongues as well. Even so, I fully believe that there are plenty of people who have been filled with the Spirit that have spoken in tongues- even if just a syllable or two... and either don't realize it or choose to not do it again.

For example, I have a friend who had believed that she had been filled with the Spirit, yet began to question her spirituality because she had never spoken in tongues. While praying about the situation, God revealed to her that she had indeed been filled with the Spirit and had been praying in tongues for several years. My friend loved to sing and would often sing spiritual songs in prayer with no recognizable words. She was worshiping God, and never considered the possibility that her songs were actually sung in her prayer language.  Likewise, I have friends that I know have been filled with the Spirit and will openly admit their refusal to speak in tongues because of their unwillingness to relinquish control even though God has given them that gift in the past.

With all this said, I  have never - or at least have never intentionally-  told someone to seek the gift of tongues. Actually, I would highly discourage people from seeking any spiritual gift for the sake of having the gift itself.  I fully recognize that many people fake speaking in tongues to seem more spiritual or desire speaking in tongues so badly that they unconsciously conjure up their own prayer language or worse. I would hate to inadvertently lead anyone to either of those scenarios, and  I am terrified of doing so. What I try to do is encourage people to seek God and to pray that their life is within His will. I try to encourage people to pray for God to fill them with His Spirit in increasing measure so that they can walk in the will of God and so that His presence flowing through them can be a witness to others.  I do also mention how speaking in tongues generally comes alongside the baptism in the Holy Spirit. Because I do believe that a prayer language can be received by any believer and I believe in its benefits,  I encourage people to be open to speaking in tongues and I suggest that those with this gift use it as a disciplined part of their daily prayer life.

I say all that to say this: Tozer's comment made me stop and consider my beliefs. What do I believe is the role of the baptism of the Spirit is? How does speaking in tongues as a personal prayer language fit into that equation? And, have I gone off the Pentecostal bandwagon and started un-biblically elevating tongues beyond their proper place in scripture? Also, are my words and my actions lining up with my beliefs? 

After prayer and consideration, my conclusions are as follows. I don't know everything about the Holy Spirit, and I am human so I will never have a perfect pneumatology. I also recognize that the same is true about Tozer and every other theologian. My belief regarding the baptism in the Holy Spirit can be summarized in Acts 1:8: The Holy Spirit fills believers in order to empower them for witness. I will always believe that the anointing of the Spirit is continually needed for ministry.

Unlike Tozer, I do believe that speaking in tongues is the initial physical sign of the infilling of the Spirit because it is indicative of the body being completely surrounded to God (if only in that moment).  Like Tozer, however, I would agree that Pentecostalism has a history of elevating this gift above its biblical place in scripture. I would also agree with both Tozer and the apostle Paul in saying that speaking in tongues is the least of all gifts. As the least of all gifts though, I think it has the potential to increase and to build other spiritual gifts because it is a personal edification that builds our faith and connects us with God's Spirit.Also, I think speaking in tongues is one of many important components of a mature faith. In my experience speaking in tongues is greatly beneficial. Some days I hate that I have come to this conclusion, but everything I have studied and experienced has proven this sentiment to be true. See this post for an explanation.   Even so, I don't believe that either the filling of the Spirit or speaking in tongues should be end goals in our faith (a common mistake of the charismatic church), but rather a small step towards an ever increasing relationship with Christ and ministry through His Spirit on His behalf.

With that said, I have two observations. The first is regarding Tozer's statement, and the second is regarding my own thoughts and beliefs. I think it is important to recognize that Tozer was a prominent member of the Christian and Mission Alliance church. Pentecostal denominations like the Assemblies of God and the Foursquare church where greatly influenced and built from members of the C&MA and the Holiness movement. He addresses Pentecostalism during a divisive era in the Spirit-filled church. Tozer accurately dismisses the extreme viewpoint that speaking in tongues should be the focal point of faith, but may be using that truth to defend his denomination from faction by outwardly dismissing the entire movement toward charismatic renewal. I think that often, those filled with the Spirit, adopt a doctrine that makes prayer language an optional gift from God in order to avoid division, to protect themselves from having to address the issue that some Spirit-filled Christians do not speak in tongues because they don't know that they a prayer language is available to them or don't want to do so, and to protect people from jumping off a dangerous charismatic cliff like the church in Corinthian where people used tongues in disarray and argued about whose prayer language sounded better.

My second observation is that I have not jumped on the Pentecostal bandwagon, but rather have resisted doing so so much that I have hindered my own walk with God. My problem is that I am not living a life where I continually seeking to be filled with the Spirit and I am not utilizing my prayer language. Why? Because I honestly don't want to be that person that discusses baptism of the Holy Spirit and speaking in tongues constantly. I don't want to be that person that can't be trusted because they elevate one aspect of biblical Christianity above others in an unhealthy manner. However, in not wanting to be that person, I make such a point to promote balance and to diminish the false assumption that I have jumped on the tongue talking crazy train, that I diminish the power and freedom of a Spirit-filled life.  I am not living a Spirit-filled life at the moment. The truth is that the Spirit is in my life, but I am also filling my life with my will as a supplement to God's will. If my life where Spirit led, I could discuss whatever topic God led me to discuss without fear of being misunderstood. If my life were Spirit led, I would be reading my Bible, praying, praying in tongues, worshiping, serving, and utilizing all my gifts in increasing measure. If I prayed in tongues half the amount of time that I talk about praying in tongues, I wouldn't have to worry about the perceptions of others because the gifts and fruits of the Spirit would be evident in my life.

I used to pray that I would be like Tozer, but I'm pretty sure that I no longer want to pray that prayer. The fact of the matter is that Tozer was human, a very lonely and depressed human at that. My prayer should have been that I would live the Spirit-filled life that Tozer desired. I still maintain that this is the best initial book for people to read regarding the Spirit-filled life, and I recognize that Tozer's comment regarding speaking in tongues as evidence of infilling is a minute statement.  And frankly, I don't care what people believe the specific evidence is because the true evidence of the baptism of the Holy Spirit is the the presence, gifts and fruit of the Spirit in an individual's life and ministry. God can speak for Himself regardless of the doctrines of man. Tozer was often quoted with saying "Seek not, forbid not" in regards to the question of speaking in tongues. I think that's a great mantra: we should never seek the gift, we should only seek the Giver.

With that said, I leave you with this:

"If the Lord's people were as eager to be filled with the Spirit as they are to prove they can't be [or to prove that they can be ... or to prove whether that filling involves speaking in tongues or not], the Church would be quite a different Church".  -Tozer. (49), [commentary mine]

I just spent the last hour or so flipping through my flatmate's Post Secret books. This ongoing community art project gathers hundreds of secrets from strangers and compiles them into books, blog posts, and museum exhibits. Somewhat shamefully, I'll admit that I too regularly read the Post Secret blog.

Every postcard has its own story. Some are suicidal. Others are joyful. Many expose fear and weakness. Others give life to dreams and faith and hope. Regardless of its content, each secret represents a person who desires to be heard. 

Every weekend, I read the thoughts and feelings of complete strangers and say a little prayer that God would bless their lives. I pray that He would reveal to them that He knows their secrets and He cares about them. And, I pray that they feel loved and supported by a community- a real life, day-to day community; not just a virtual network of interconnected strangers.

What fascinates me most about the project is how many of the secrets are actually messages sent to recipients who will probably never see them. What would happen if these post cards were sent to the people who inspired their creation?

It seems that people love asking "what if...?", but rarely take the risk of discovering the answer.  What does that say about the interconnectedness and intimacy of our relationships with others?  What does it reveal when we would rather share our deepest thoughts and feelings with complete  strangers than those closest to us?

These compilations of secrets are beautifully tragic. Do you know what else is inspiring, yet unfortunate? This celebrated veil of secrecy has many contributors and I am one of them. I am the cowardly, selfish, lonely, anxious, forgiving, healing, silently rejoicing, passionately dreaming, covert author of secrets.

I have my own thoughts, feelings, stories, ambitions, and prayers that I withhold from those closest to me. I have never mailed my secrets on  postcards to a stranger, but they are encapsulated through artistic expression. 

Here is a secret of my own. I often write letters to friends that I never intend on delivering. I also pen poetry, sketch drawings, and snap photographs with others in mind, knowing they will never be shared. Sometimes, I wonder "what if" each of those fragments of thoughts, feelings,  and prayers were expressed? Fearing the answer, my creations remain unseen. Like I said before, I too am the author and keeper of secrets.  It's a beautifully tragic isn't it?

"Just don't let me disappear
I'm 'a tell you everything

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that delight those ears
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away" - Secrets, One Republic 

The contest begun. The visage that remains inconspicuous the longest wins. Only a few seconds had passed when my opponent folded. The mysterious hue of green returned. Quivering, withholding either tear or rage.  Unwilling to glance upon these eyes with disdain, I darted my gaze... examining the scenery.  Blades of light exposed the holes behind the recklessly applied plaster. The ceiling's aeration was less covert. Mildewed reams of pink insulation struggled to remain snug between the exposed rafters. Drip, drip, drip... apparently neither the roof nor the pipes were sealed properly. In disbelief, I stepped  back toward the defeated- balancing my weight across the rotting floor boards. Our eyes locked once again. "You must not cry," I reminded her. She nodded in agreement, wiping away the remnants of weary eyes.  A deep sigh for the sake of composure, and then her reflection faded from view.  Grasp, pull, step through... and off we go, back into reality's facades - where every room cries out for repair, and every face longs for release.

T-minus circa one hour until I begin the 4-5 hour drive back home for Thanksgiving.

"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place..." -George Bernard Shaw.

Personally, I believe that communication is simultaneously my greatest strength and my greatest weakness.  I simply don't articulate what I know should be articulated ... or I only half explain an idea that needs elaboration ... or I substitute a colloquialisms for a coherent thought.  The heart of is communication problems that we fail to take John Mayer's advice and don't "just say what you need to say".

And, honestly, it's not the things that we consciously and intentionally say or refrain from saying that instigate problems. Lapses of communication often result in conflict when there is an illusion that an idea has actually been fully communicated. 

I just finished reading a book called The Happy Intercessor by Beni Johnson. I usually don't discourage people from reading books, but honestly I would not recommend reading this one.  To summarize the premise, the book is supposed to encourage the reader to find joy in intercessory prayer. It's author Beni Johnson leads the intercessory prayer ministry at Bethel church, and is known for her fervent prayers and fruitful ministry. I have heard Beni speak, and I truly believe that her ministry is doing the work of God... but, if I were to read this book with no back knowledge of their ministry, I would honestly conclude that she was a crazy hyper-charismatic with little discretion.

In her book, she details numerous stories from her experiences with intercession. The stories have incredible outcomes, but Beni's writing doesn't do any of them justice. She uses lots of pentecostal jargon  and randomly throws out her eccentric ideas as if they were commonplace without any explanation. I do not question whether the methods to her madness are the promptings of the Holy Spirit, but I am questioning how her editors allowed her to publish the stories in their current form because they don't communicate her intentions to her readers. For example, quite a few of the situations involve traveling somewhere to pray and then blowing a shofar to declare the victory of God over the land. That's fine. Shofars are biblical; God does have us do seemingly silly things in the natural as prophetic signs of what is happening in the spiritual and/or as a reminder of what He has already accomplished (see comment section for a description of the shofar thing*). The problem is this: the book inadvertently seems to make the act of blowing the shofar the climax of each tale rather than obedience to God's will and the work of the Holy Spirit.

Taken by Olve Utne, found at wikicommons

I believe that Beni's overall message could be summarized in one sentence. "Seek the Holy Spirit's involvement in your prayer life, and you'll joyfully see the fruit of God answering your prayer as you follow the Spirit's leading and pray in agreement with God's will." I believe that her publishing team is under the impression that this is the sentiment the book conveys. However, that assumption is an illusion.

There are concepts left unexplained, intentions undefined, and implied presumptions that may not be inherent to readers. This book taught me little about intercessory prayer, little about joy, and a lot about how a shofar and randomly anointing the ground with oil are essentials in my prayer life. (No, I will not be purchasing a shofar any time soon.)  I actually highly respect the ministry of Beni and Bill Johnson, but it saddens me to think that poor communication leads people to thinking that they have gone astray from biblical Christianity and may inadvertently lead others awry.

Another example, from the same ministry: Bill Johnson is quoted with saying:

“It’s difficult to expect the same fruit of the early church when we value a book they didn’t have, more than the Holy Spirit they did have…”

At first glance, some of you are probably appalled at his statement. "How can a pastor question the value of scripture? Is he saying our charismatic experience is more important than God's word?" Well, given this quote alone, I would be skeptical of their ministry because I'm not sure if the biblical truth is the lens through which they interpret their experiences.

Now, let's examine the illusion that may be conjured by the reader perspective. "Bill Johnson's ministry must be heretical because it doesn't consider God's word as valuable as their emotional and supernatural experiences". Well,  Beni addresses this in her book. In the appendix, she address the question "How do we know that we are praying to God's will?" She writes "we must always use the Bible as a guideline." So, the Bible is their guideline? Why not mention this earlier? It seems more important than shofars and anointing oil, right?

I think Bill's point is that the church relies more heavily on the religiosity and legalism it has derived from scripture than it relies on the Holy Spirit that inspired scripture. His point is that we forget that the same Spirit that inspired those words is still at work to day and wants to partner with us. The Holy Spirit never acts contrary to scripture because His purpose is always to glorify Christ and scripture is the gift of God that details the story of Christ's redemption of the world. I believe that the Johnsons'  point is that we need to actively partner with the Holy Spirit in order to see a fruitful church,  but they fail to communicate that idea fully. And in the confusion,  he loses the opportunity to communicate it at all.

 I completely agree with the Johnsons' underlying sentiments. We do need to prayer more. We do need to intercede. We do need to rely on the Holy Spirit's leading- both through the context of scripture and personally as He guides our lives. However, my fear with the publications from Bethel is that the focus is seemingly on the supernatural results and the means of achieving those results, rather than glorifying God.  Though I believe that this ministry (like any other) has its flaws,  I highly doubt that this message is their intention. The problem isn't that I disagree with what they are attempting to say; the problem is that they aren't saying it. There is a false illusion of communication. 

We are all guilty of conjuring illusions both as the communicator and the interpreter of communications. What God is revealing to me is the importance of allowing Him into not only my thoughts, but also the way I articulate them. Where we fail in communication, He is more than capable of getting His point across. Even so, wouldn't it be more effective and efficient just to communicate in accordance with the will of God to begin with?

I'm grateful for God's grace in this regard, and I am truly sorry for all the miscommunicated illusions  I have created.  If you are reading this, I am sure at some point in time, my communication flaws have hurt or hindered you. Please forgive me for these instances. My prayer is that God will continue to work in me, so that I can better articulate His message and better communicate how His Spirit is moving. My prayer is that God will be the center of all my communication so that I can truly be a mouthpiece of the Gospel. 

Earlier today, a friend and I were having a conversation over coffee about our future relationships and careers.  Kinda standard for most single girls in their twenties, right? Yet, there was one observation from our discussion this morning that has been haunting me all day. My friend summarized it best: "we can't date potential". 

In other words, you can't consider a relationship with someone because you like who they could be later down the road. When you begin a relationship with someone, you need to like who they are now and the possibility of the two of you journeying into the future together.

I totally agree, but I hadn't considered the reciprocity of that statement: no one can date potential.

The bottom line is this: no guy should even consider beginning a relationship with me. Why? Because he shouldn't settle for dating potential either. At this point, I have the potential to be a great partner in life and ministry ... but, right now, it is just that- unrealized potential. I'll be the first to admit there are some significant areas of growth in my transformational process that need to be tackled before I would even consider myself dateable.

Despite the fact that I don't see myself in a relationship in the immediate future,  I still need to begin seriously considering the fact that my future husband deserves way more than just potential. 

And, more importantly, God is worthy of so much more than potential. So, here's to working towards making that potential a reality.

"A universe that needed someone to observe it in order to collapse it into existence would be a pretty sorry universe indeed."

I critique movies using one simple question: is there anything I can take away from the two hours of my life I just wasted?  A satisfactory answer doesn't necessarily indicate intricate plot lines, quality acting, or impressive cinematography. If a movie causes me to ask questions and evaluate life, it passes my test and I consider it two hours well spent.  My favorite movies are usually the ones that are unappreciated, low-budgeted, and unknown. In other words, I am a sucker for indie films.

Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

It's not often that I get behind a microphone these days. Funny since I used to spend my life behind the podium... public speaking contests, debate, speeches.  Speaking doesn't make me nervous; preaching does. Today I had the opportunity to preach for only the second time. The topic was james 4: framing your faith and life by submitting to God's will. The essence was that we need to trade our self-centered framing mechanism for humility- a God centered schema.

Truth be told. I'm not feeling particularly great about tonight's sermon. On one hand, I know that I brought across all the points that I believe that God wanted me to with this passage. I know that said what I needed to say, and I know that God will use that for His glory. On the other hand, analyzing from my public speaking experience,  I know my delivery was as good as it could have been. After adding an impromptu idea that wasn't in my outline, I really struggled to close the talk and call people to a response. Also, I felt like I could have made some of my points a little more relatable.  And, I went a few minutes long without being succinct. Overall, I thought it went okay, but was humbly reminded that there are always areas for improvement.

As I opened my message, I told my friends that I needed to relearn these truths as much as I believe they needed to hear them.  So true, and accurate. I preached  about humility tonight, and I learned humility tonight. My performance was mediocre, but since when is preaching about performance? I have a lot to learn, and am grateful for the reminder that I need to continually submit to God's will with a posture of learning.  My prayer is that God will increase in my own life, that I will be continually humbled, and that God would use me to bring others to Himself.

Also, as I'm writing this, I'm also prayerfully considering tonight. I felt compelled to pick up My Utmost for His Highest off my bookshelf... the passage for tonight:

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you —James 4:8 

It is essential that you give people the opportunity to act on the truth of God. The responsibility must be left with the individual— you cannot act for him. It must be his own deliberate act, but the evangelical message should always lead him to action. Refusing to act leaves a person paralyzed, exactly where he was previously. But once he acts, he is never the same. It is the apparent folly of the truth that stands in the way of hundreds who have been convicted by the Spirit of God. Once I press myself into action, I immediately begin to live. Anything less is merely existing..." 

Often times, we don't get along. Or even remote listen to each other. But, last night, I had an amazing conversation with my mom. I love her and miss her. Some old medical issues are resurfacing... so I called for her advice, and she had more insight than I would have anticipated. 

"Prayer does not fit us for the greater work; prayer is the greater work."  - Oswald Chambers.

• In July, I wrote in my journal that 10/8 would yield an unexpected check. My paycheck deposited on  10/8 was mysteriously $300 more than it should have been.
• I have been praying that someone in Chi Alpha would preach on 1 Cor 12-14. Our retreat speaker spoke on those chapters.
•  Been praying for clarity and a game plan, and I believe that God shed some light on that at retreat.
• Not to mention, a number of prayers that I have been praying specifically for individuals are being answered...
• ...and many of the prayers we prayed last year at Weds night prayer and the year before in 24/1 prayer are coming to fruition.

I'm trying to force myself to fall asleep... in a beautiful house with the beach a few steps from my door. Oh, Chi Alpha beach retreat- I love thee. Before I leave the ocean, I want to make sure that the lessons that I learned here leave with me. Here is a quick recap, possibly foreshadowing some future posts.

In no particular order, here are ten points I am taking away from this weekend.

- I know God, I am known by God, and God knowingly works through me to help others to know Him better.
-  I actually like myself when I'm connected to God and serving Him. Imagine that.
- Loving people sometimes means speaking the truth as much as God has enabled you to, and then leaving them the freedom to [or to not] seek the truth on their own.
- Taking a step back from people's lives is hard for me, but necessary because life has nothing to do with me. There are people that I care about that I need to give room to decide [or not] to seek truth. God is big enough to represent Himself.
- I need to realize that the "[or not]" is actually a possibility. And, that I don't have the power to change someone's decision to not seek or act on the truth.
- He'll do it in His time and His way.... but God does answer prayer and He always fulfills His promises.
-The key is the possessive pronoun. God does not always fulfill His promise the way I interpret that it would be filled.
- I need to continue going deeper in faith, encouraging others to do the same. Whatever the cost, I need to continue walking forward toward the cross.
- Also, I need to figure out who my support network is and where my community is based... for the long term. And, I need to be intentional in that regard.
- God has blessed me with a great friends for this leg of my journey... possibly well beyond.

A few days ago I noticed the appearance of the seemingly provocative "I like it on..." facebook statuses. The general idea is that women post where they like to place their purse as their facebook status in an effort to confuse men and to raise awareness for breast cancer.  As an alternative to changing my status, I am authoring this blogpost.

"Q: What is breast cancer?
A: Breast cancer is cancer that forms in tissues of the breast, usually the ducts (tubes that carry milk to the nipple) and lobules (glands that make milk). It occurs in both men and women, although male breast cancer is rare.

Q: How many new cases of breast cancer were estimated in the United States in 2009?
A: According to the American Cancer Society (ACS), an estimated 192,370 new cases of invasive breast cancer are expected to be diagnosed among women in the United States last year. Approximately 1,910 new cases are expected in men. The ACS also reports that an estimated 40,610 breast cancer deaths are expected in 2009 (40,170 women, 440 men).

Q: How common is breast cancer in the United States?
A: Breast cancer is the most common cancer in women, aside from skin cancer. "

 Find out more at the National Breast Cancer Awareness Month website or the Susan Komen foundation or the American Cancer Society or the American Breast Cancer Foundation.  


Praying for a cure to cancer, praying for patients undergoing treatment, praying for cancer survivors, praying for families who have lost loved ones... praying that God will wipe cancer from the face of the earth and praying that until then we all can be more informed, more supportive, and more dedicated to aiding our brothers and sisters affected by cancer.