Hi! If you are reading this, it's likely that you've been subscribed to my blog for quite awhile. [or maybe you just stumbled upon this page].. either way thank you! 

This is just a quick post to let you know that I have moved my blog from blogger to a self-hosted word press site. I'm still blogging! In fact, I just put up a new post!

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Thanks so much for reading! I appreciate it more than you'll ever know. =]

-Kera

Zero. Out of all the areas of growth I targeted for 2011, I didn't make significant progress in a single one of them

It's funny how we always start the year determined to become better people, but rarely do we follow through. New Year's resolutions are almost laughable. That's why columnists and relatives alike will encourage you to set "realistic" goals. "Set benchmarks that you can accomplish. Don't set yourself up for failure. Guarantee success by sticking with a fool-proof method."  I don't know about you, but I'm starting to wonder whether there is any value at all in developing "realistic" strategies.

When I wrote "11 for 11... and beyond", I sincerely desired growth in each of the areas listed. A year later, I'm reading over the post nodding my head in agreement- excited about the possibilities. BUT, there is still a little voice in the back of my mind saying "you can't do that. Be realistic. Come up with a plan. What are your tangible goals?"


Today I am publicly telling that  little voice to shut up and mind its own damn business.

As I entered 2011, I didn't have a strategy. Sure, I set out areas of growth and I had some idea of how I could ask others to hold me accountable for those changes. But, I didn't have a step-by-step plan. I simply wanted to follow Jesus and see where He led me. 

As the months progressed, I had a ton of voices speaking into my life. Most of which had good intentions and were genuinely concerned for my future. The little voice inside my head liked all the rational advice I was receiving  and continued to champion the formation of a strategy for success. [I should pause to note that the little voice is just for illustration- there is no need for exorcisms or any medication at this point in time].  And so in an effort to please all the voices in my life, I began to be more rational and I began to develop rational plans. I became a little less idealistic, hoping to gain the approval and support of others.

Consequently, I lost my sense of self and my sense of calling ... and I completely burnt-out multiple times this year. [Read more about what I learned about burning out and missing out here].

This morning I spent a few hours trying to figure out what 2012 would bring. "Should I transfer schools? Apply to work with other ministries? Finally begin an internship program? Take a few months off to try to work and diminish my student loan debt? Which city should I move to?" Too many questions!

I spent a few hours looking up information online about hypothetical strategies and plans for this new year.  Then unexpectedly a tear fell from my eye, and next thing you know, I'm flooding my living room.

"Why are you doing this Kera? Where did strategizing get you this year? This isn't you and you know it. Consider the journey, what do you want from this year?"

 Okay. *deep breath* What do I want? I want this year to not be 2011. The best parts of last twelve months didn't fit in my rational plan: distance education seminary classes and three months in Ibiza.  "Then why are you attempting to adopt a new strategy for 2012?" I have no idea... maybe I should just pursue God, amend my path as the Spirit leads, and simply live life in faith.

Welcome to my internal dialogue. It's actually a little messier than that, but you get the picture. 


The question of "what do you want from the journey?" is haunting me. "If you could do anything this year, what would it be? Where do you want to go? What do you want to learn? "You don't even want me to begin to answer that question.

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I want to learn to live by faith. To follow the Spirit with reckless abandon. To live as simply as possible and to love more deeply than I'm capable.

I want to learn to be humble. To walk in the power of God. To be confident of who I am in Him.

I want to live life on the edge with the trust that God is moving my adventure forward. To give prophetic words to strangers. To offer hospitality to those who least expect it and who least deserve it. To worship in the darkest places.

I want to get lost in scripture and to pray with reckless abandon. To learn to be fearless in this world but to have a holy fear of God that continually brings me to my knees. 


I want to be a mouthpiece of the Gospel. To allow my soul to pour out into my writing. To use every quirky, artsy, crazy fiber of my being to spread His message. 


I want to learn to love and be loved. To love myself for who I am. To invite others into my life, knowing that relationships are messy. To befriend both the afflicted and the inflicter. 

I want to laugh and to cry more than I ever have before. To celebrate risks. To devote my all to the cause of Christ.

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I know that sounds idealistic. It's  crazy and terrifying. There is no security or stability or strategy. Guess what? I wouldn't have it any other way.  Realistic pursuits are overrated, and extremely temporal.  I want to be a part of something eternal.

So little voice that tries to scare me into adopting a rational strategy for my life, keep the muzzle on... because I'm trading my strategy for submission. In 2012, I want to learn to live by faith.