At the recommendation of my roommate, I just watched a documentary called "Lord Save Us From Your Followers". The general premise is that the Gospel of Love is dividing America because believers are divisive: we champion polarizing viewpoints while neglecting to live the Gospel and share the message of love. It's worth watching and on Hulu, so you should check it out.

I obviously have my thoughts, but I'll save most of them... for now. In lieu of a long reflection or critique, I invite you to watch this film for yourself. Then, we too can have a dialogue. 

I will say this though. At one point narrator  simply says that "loving kindness works", and I would agree. I was recently reminded by someone that I highly respect  that  we are kind because God was first kind to us when we didn't deserve it. I've learned to be kind first, and then explain that I am kind because of God's kindness second.

This documentary encourages Christians to look inwardly at how screwed up we are while looking outwardly to the needs of the world. Perhaps if we stopped arguing about what we should do or not do and actually started living out what we claim to believe, even more people would come to know Christ through His followers.

My prayer tonight is "Lord, save us from your followers".  More specifically, save me from myself so that I can truly follow you. 

Last night we began small group with a little modified Lecto Divinia . After reading through Ephesians 1:15-23 out loud in five different translations, we discussed what struck us about the passage. Ignore the rest of my blog and the world for a few minutes. Read this scripture aloud three or four times, and jot down a few things that really stand out in your mind. 

"For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

When I was preparing for our study a few things stood out to me right away: the enlightening of hearts, the emphasis of power of God, and the fullness of Christ.  After a more detailed study, much prayer, and some help from trustworthy commentaries, here are some of my thoughts regarding this passage. 


Ephesians 1:15-23 is Paul's intercessory prayer for the Church and serves as a model of how we can pray for believers. Paul is clear that he is grateful for their faith and praying for them constantly. Even though he does not seem as if he knows the recipients first hand, Paul continually asks God to bless them. It is worthwhile to consider why and how Paul prays for believers. 


In the verse 15, he begins with the clause "For this reason" and describes his prayer. Why do we prayer? Refer back to the doxology of Ephesians, we pray because the world as we know it is not the manifested plan of God. Paul prays for the Church because God is redeeming the world through Jesus and His Church. We should pray for people not because we love them, but because God loves them and people are God's plan. Paul continues to note that he is praying specifically that the Holy Spirit flood their hearts with understanding so that they may know God more, so that God's plan may come to fruition. I love people and I pray for people often, but this passage makes me stop and consider why and how I pray for them. Am I praying for what I think they need or am I praying that God's will and plan will flood their lives?


Praying for  "Eyes of understanding" is a radically bold prayer. This is rabbinical reference to favor of God on an individuals life giving them the authority of God. Few people would be considered to have this blessing, and the Gentiles to whom Paul is writing definitely would not be among them. Yet Paul reassures them that they can know God and they can partner with God in His redemption plan. Awesome truth! 


More specifically, Paul prays that the Holy Spirit would specifically help believers understand three things: 1) "the hope of their calling" - who they are as God's children. 2) "the riches of his glorious inheritance"- the greatest of God's plan manifested when God inherits the people He created for Himself.  The original language here indicates that Paul is praying that they understand the richness of the King's personal inheritance - the Church- as opposed to the riches of a kingdom. Paul is praying that the believers understand why God wants a people for Himself, the pleasure that it gives Him. 3)"incomparably great power for us who believe", more specifically the fact that the power that rose Christ from the dead is the same power God gives to those who believe. The power aspect is so important that Paul elaborates in the next several versus that Christ has power over ever situation and in every circumstance whether earthly or spiritual.


Can you imagine what this passage would have meant to the people reading it? Here Paul is praying that the Gentiles realize that they are God's people and that was His plan from the beginning... that they understand how awesome this plan is and how much God is blessed by inheriting His people... and that they power that God has is bestowed to them because the Church has the fullness of Christ. For Ephesus, a city ran by political, economic, and spiritual power... this assertion is radical. What it mean for us to understand these three points in our own society? 


What if we understood that Jesus had power over image and politics and addictions and poverty and war and mundane tasks in daily life? What if we truly believed that the power that rose Christ from the dead lived in us and worked through us to bring the Kingdom of Heaven to Earth and glorify God? What if the Holy Spirit enlightened our hearts more? What would that Church look like?


The NIV Application commentary suggests that a church that understands these points grows in six areas. 1) They grow in their compassion for their community and for the world. 2) They increase in prayer. 3) They develop a deeper understanding of their finite perspective of time in God's infinite plan. 4) They strive to think more and understand more. 5) They become increasingly confident in who they are in God and God's plan for the world. 6) They trust in the power of Christ and that power is revealed in their daily lives, bringing glory to God and showing others how powerful He is. I agree with these observations and pray that the Spirit will continue enlighten my heart in these areas. 


Overall, I pray that every believer- whether I know them or not- and those yet to believe will know God in a deeper way, understanding the "the fullness of him who fills everything in every way"

Credit: A. Garcia, via wikicommons

After one last  scan of the alleyway below,  my frustration declares "He's not here yet. He should be here.... we really need to leave, it's getting dark." As I pace around the tiny office, I try my best to hide my concern. It's a feeble attempt.  The young couple I work with offer to walk me to my car; they insist that I head home before nightfall. I try to resist, but then I remember that they have lived here much longer than I... so we trudge down the stairs and through the streets.  After ten minutes or so of navigating through the narrow alleyways, remnants of the afternoon markets and crowds of people making their way home,  I unlock my car and turn to bid my companions a good night. Then, I realize that I left my laptop in the office. I need that laptop! Not only do I need to do work on it, but I need to protect its precious contents. My friends are running late for a meeting, but ask their son to accompany back to the center in exchange for a ride home. Fair enough. 


I double park in a plaza nearer to our building, give their son my keys and ask him to run in and fetch the messenger bag with my computer. He's a trustworthy kid, so I'm not concerned. As he hops back into my car, another local teenager jumps in. My stomach sinks, I know this isn't good scenario. My friends' son knows the boy and insists that I should give him a ride home too, but my discernment tells me that something is wrong. I have this odd feeling that the unfamiliar kid is going to steal my computer, at the very least. And, its getting darker.  I  have to start driving because it is dangerous to sit idle in the streets, so I agree to take him home, but first insist that I try to get ahold of my missing man. I call his local mobile, no answer. I call his US mobile, no answer. I call the man from headquarters that he was meeting with earlier, no answer. "Where is he?  He is late... and I really need him right now... and its not like him to not show. Is something wrong? Does he need my help?" My ominous gut feeling increases... and then I wake up feeling like I'm going to puke.


I had this dream a few nights ago, and I can't get it out of my head.   As dreams often do, this one seemed to give me a little more insight into my psyche.  Noteworthy aspects of this particular dream. 1) The location... definitely the impoverished third world,  warmer climate but not sure on what continent -the people were darker complected than I am but not quite "black", and I was clearly doing international development and missions work. 2) The missing man... mostly certainly was my significant other.   I knew him well, I cared for him, I feared for him, and I definitely loved him. We were partners in both life and ministry. 3) The organization... the Christian aspect of our work was somewhat secretive. That is why the computer was so vital and why my fear was legitimate. We were doing development work, and trying to train leaders in the underground local church. 4) The dream... this didn't feel like a normal dream. It felt like reality.. and definitely felt like God.  


I'm not reading into it too much it. I'm actually trying to forget it because I am trying to focus on the here and the now and the  reality of the present. Even so, I am thankful for dreams because I truly believe that dreams can give valuable insight to our lives.  


You might be wondering why I am sharing my dreams in a blog.  Well, I'm not sharing it as much as I am publically recording it for my  own reference later.  Perhaps this is God giving me some a taste of what is to come.  Or perhaps this is a silly subconscious fantasy that will prove laughable as I reread this entry at a later date. For now though, its just a dream and I am living in the reality of the present, trying to serve God the best I can.  This is  entry is me taking note, and moving onward... for now. 

I normally don't go into small group feeling unprepared. Today I did. Not because I didn't pray about our meeting or because I didn't study the material. I felt unprepared because I knew there were questions that would be left unanswered, and that the study would be more mind boggling than a sigh of relief.

Ephesians 1:3-15 is a difficult scripture for me personally, and I knew that it would be a difficult scripture to discuss. Why? Because it says sooo much in so few lines, and leaves many things up to interpretation. Studying it does not satisfy questions with answers as much as it generates fifty more questions.

³Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. ⁴For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love ⁵he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— ⁶to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. ⁷In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace ⁸that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. ⁹And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, ¹⁰to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.

 ¹¹In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, ¹²in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.¹³And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, ¹⁴who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory.

After reading six commentaries and praying through how to approach this, I identified several themes. 1) God's plan A has always been the Church.  2)This aspect of God's will baffles me because the Church and the world are extremely flawed. 3) This scripture says we have every spiritual blessing, all wisdom, all understanding, and all authority as sons/heirs to partner with God in His plan. I struggle to believe this truth because I don't see it manifested in daily life. 4) This scripture frustrates me because don't understand it as well as I would like, but then I realize that I don't understand because God is in control and I am not God. 5) The notion of God's sovereignty has made this passage controversial for years. The theologians that argue over the meaning of predestination have yet to come to satisfactory conclusion, and I am in no position to claim that I have.  I am both challenged and relieved by this fact. 6) The Father, Son and Holy Spirit are intricately working together to bring God's redemption plan into action. The Father designed the plan, the Son showed us how it should work and made it possible for us to take our intended roles, and the Spirit seals us as disciples who becoming more like Christ and participating in God's plan. 7) In the complexity of this passage,  I find freedom and encouragement because I remember who I am and who God is. 

As small group began, my predictions were accurate. The questions were abundant. What does everything mean? What does blessing mean? What does that include? How do we have every blessing and all wisdom? Does that mean individually or for the Church or both? What is God's will in this? What exactly does predetermined mean? Why do the Bible translators take the freedom to insert their opinions into the interpretation of this passage?  What does it mean that the Holy Spirit is our seal? And so on and so forth.

This past Saturday, I lead a workshop on evangelism (expect a blog about that soon), and one of my tips from experience was "accept the freedom of "I don't know"". My point was speak to what you can, and don't be afraid to admit that you don't have all the answers. Last night, I found myself taking my own advice: offering the information that I could and leaving other information up to interpretation.   In my next blog post, I'll share what I have taken away from these fourteen verses, and highlight my thoughts on the segments emboldened above. 

This post, however, is dedicated to the relearning of the humble lesson: "I don't know everything.... God is God, and I am not... all I know is that He has a plan, He loves me enough to allow me to partake in His plan, that plan is greater than I can even imagine, and I want to be a part of it so I need the Holy Spirit to be actively working in my life- empowering me with blessing, reminding me of truth, convicting me to actively participating in the redemption of the world, and bringing glory to God's name. 

"I know why you're here, Neo. I know what you've been doing... why you hardly sleep, why you live alone, and why night after night, you sit by your computer. You're looking for him. I know because I was once looking for the same thing. And when he found me, he told me I wasn't really looking for him. I was looking for an answer. It's the question that drives us..." 

Perhaps its because I just recently saw Inception, but the Matrix has been on my mind lately. It is definitely one of my favorite movies; so much so, that I quoted it at my baptism. I love this quote because I think it accurately summarizes the driving force of all humanity: our inquisitive nature. It is truly the questions that drive us, that keep us awake at night, that keep us striving for something more...

By nature, I am an insomniac. I used to get less than an hour of sleep a night. Now, I average between four and six hours to function. Lately, I have had a really difficult time getting to sleep and an even more difficult time waking up if I ever get to sleep. Why? Because I have too many questions. My analytical mind can spend hours pondering existence and possibilities, studying to learn more about the world, praying to learn more about God, asking a thousand questions...

We all ponder the questions. For me, the questions lately have been... How did I do today? What could I change? How are my friends? How can I be a better friend to them? Am I in God's will? What is God teaching me? Why? What should I look forward to tomorrow? What's going on in the world? How can I pray for that? Will God ever send me there? What if He doesn't? Will my friends/family ever know what it is like to search for His voice and "hear" a response? How will this ministry thing work out? Since I can't do this alone, who am I to partner with in ministry? In life?  Will I ever get married? To who? ... and the list goes on.

We all have questions. The questions may involve relationships, finances, careers, success, past regrets, future possibilities, the existence of God, the meaning of life, the suffering in the world, and so on and so forth... perhaps some actually ask "What is the Matrix?" and  "Are we in it?". I say that somewhat jokingly, while admitting that I have seriously asked that question: "Is this even real?"

It is really the question that drives us. The questions that keep us awake at night. The questions that keep us going. If we knew everything and every answer to every question, what would be the point of living? What would life be like? What would drive us? And how boring would that life be?

In the Matrix quote, our protagonist Neo was looking for 'him'. His question was "What is the Matrix", but Neo was looking for 'him'. A person is not the answer to Neo's question. Neo asked a "what" question, but went searching for a "who" answer. Instead of directly seeking the true answer of his question, he seeks what he perceives to be the answer. Trinity is quick to correct his mistake because she too was looking for the wrong thing.  She shares her experience with Neo, and when Neo states his question... Trinity replies... 

"The answer is out there, Neo, and it's looking for you, and it will find you if you want it to."

I think this single line summarizes the entire problem with humanity: "If you want it to". God likes our questions, and God is always involved in the answer. He is always out there; He is always present. Jesus is looking for us, and He will find us.... the problem is that too often, we don't want Him to find us. We don't actually want the answer to our questions.

" You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" - Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV).  The book of Proverbs indicates that the problem is not our lack of seeking, but our lack of seeking with our hearts set on finding the answer. "Then they will call to me but I will not answer; they will look for me but will not find me. Since they hated knowledge..." - Proverbs 1:28-29 (NIV)

We like the questions; but we don't always like the answers. Most of the time, I don't want the answer. I think, no I know, that is why I sometimes lay awake at night with questions. It is better to stay awake pondering than to find possible answers in my subconscious dreams. For me, dreams are like open doors into a realm of thoughts, emotions, and insights that I may have missed during the day.

I have never been a fan of open doors. Actually, can I tell you a secret? I am a little afraid of open doors. I don't like the lack of control of seeing a doorway. You never know what will come through or if it will slam shut or how long it will remain there before you will walk through it and explore the other side... I don't like open doors. I like closed doors. I like order. Questions are like open doors. I think I want them closed; I think I want answers. But, I fail to realize and accept that the answer right now in this kairos moment is an open door, the answer may very well be an open seemingly unanswered question.

My life is filled with open doors and open questions. Needless to say, I am a little fearful. Not in a anxious worried way, but in a I want to do what is right and have a healthy fear of the Lord sort of way.  As I attempt to fall asleep tonight, I am praying for a holy apprehension and enough of a pure heart to seek God as the answer to my plethora of questions. 


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Also, as I was quickly proofreading this... I am amazed at how well my work schedule for this week correlates with this post. Tomorrow night we are starting Alpha. A course dedicated to the questions of life, and discussing whether Jesus is the answer. Saturday, I am leading a workshop on how to share your faith- how to help others navigate their questions and guide them towards the Answer. Hmm... it truly is the questions that are driving me this week. 

I love when I am praying and God randomly drops an obscure Bible verse into my head. To be honest, this hasn't happened in awhile because I haven't been open to it happening in awhile.  Earlier this week, I was struggling with understanding my current situation. As I headed over to Weds night prayer, I asked God to refreshen my vision for being here at AU.

As I was silently praying, God answered my prayer through a random Bible verse. "2 Chronicles.. start at 5." Flipped open to 2 Chronicles, read chapters 5 and 6... and started crying.  Two things really struck me about this passage. 1) the content of the fifth verse.  2) the theme of dedication.

⁵And they brought up the ark, the tent of meeting, and all the holy vessels that were in the tent; the Levitical priests brought them up. (ESV)

To give you some context. Previously, the Spirit of God was believed to dwell within the Tabernacle and was carried from place to place. At this point in history, a temple has been constructed to give people a more proper place to worship God. As they prepare to dedicate the temple, the Levitical priests - those set apart to serve God- bring the Ark of the Covenant, the Tabernacle, and the holy vessels that were in the Tabernacle to the temple.  The Ark normally contained the tablets of law given to Moses, the pot of manna, and the rod of Aaron. At this point in the story, the only thing within the Ark were the Tablets of Law. The Tabernacle, of course, was the place were the people of God would meet with God, and the Ark was kept inside the Holy of Holies or the sacred part of the Tabernacle that could only be accessed on the Day of Atonement.

In other words, the people that were chosen as the servants of God brought forth the Word of God, the Spirit of God, the environment in which people met with God, and then the instruments that were used to worship and bless God... they brought these things into the sacred space that was being dedicated to God. They brought these things into the Temple, a place that was meant to honor and serve the Spirit of God.  Then, they dedicated the Temple and rededicated themselves as God's people. They expected God to dwell within their city, so they constructed a place for Him and then carried the necessary things into the space.

As I continue to serve God as a "Christ Ambassador" at my university, I expect God to dwell in the midst of our campus. As a community we have attempted to create a space for Him to dwell and reside: this space is not a architectural  structure, but a living temple- an authentic community. As we dedicate this space to God, we must also bring  the necessary things as His chosen servants. The preparations are made for time and space (services, studies, events, hangouts),  and we must bring our own arks, tabernacles and vessels. The Ark symbolizes God's Law and God's Spirit. As we prepare space for Him, we need to bring forth His Word and His Spirit. We need to be rooted in scripture and fed by His presence. We need to carry His presence into even the tiniest of details through prayer and worship and study both in our own daily lives and specifically in preparation for our times of ministry. As we expect God to dwell amongst us, we need to pitch our own tents of meeting. We need to create the environment of the Tabernacle. We need to give people the opportunity to encounter God with authenticity and minimal distractions. This means extending hospitality, preparing details, being intentional about being present in peoples' lives and giving room to grow.... this could include giving altar time in service, planning intentional coffee dates, or simply creating space where people can gather together. Lastly, we must bring in the vessels that are used to worship and honor God as we meet with him. What are these vessels? These vessels are normally people. God oddly chooses to use humans to do His work. We need to invite people to come into the spaces where we are expecting God to move. If we expect God to work in and through people, we must carry the people to Him.

All this to say that this passage reminded me of my responsibility and privilege as a servant of God. It reminded me of the elements that are needed in my own temple- that is in our community and in my daily life. I need  to be rooted God's word, to be centered in God's presence, to create spaces to meet with Him, and to invite people into my life and into the presence of God. That is my duty as a Christian, to gather resources for the purpose of glorifying God and to dedicate myself to His service. 

Which brings me to point number two,  the theme of dedication. Chapter 5 details the preparation of the dedication and Chapter 6 is Solomon's dedication of the Temple. My study Bible notes that there is more time devoted to talking about the dedication of the Temple then there is talking about the planning to build it. Scripture clearly outlines that the priority is dedicating oneself to God. Unfortunately, my priorities are all too often the planning and not the dedication. I spend lots of time planning how I am going to gather the necessary things to dedicate my life to God and little time actually dedicating my life to God. Corporately, we have a tendency to have the same flaw. In our community, we spent an hour and a half setting up for our weekly worship meeting and only five minutes praying together that it would be dedicated to the service of God. I am not saying that the timetable should be flipped or accusing our community of not prayerfully devoting our services to God, but I am suggesting that our priorities should be examined.  Preparation is important, but dedication is key. Am I spending more time planning my small group Bible study or praying that God would be in the midst of my small group?

I'm  not suggesting that planning and dedication have to be mutually exclusive. It is possible to dedicate your planning to God as well, but all too often we don't. Despite popular belief, we don't multitask well all the time. I don't know about you, but I need to rethink my priorities. To go back to the weekly worship meeting example, I used to pray as I unwrapped chords for the sound system, but lately I just focus on setting up the sound system. This small shift in paradigm makes a world of difference. If I invite God into the little tasks as I dedicate them to Him, how much more will I serve and glorify Him in the process.

Here is a post dedicated to understanding my role and rededicating my life. Will you join me in reconsidering what we bring to the Temple and how we can better dedicate our lives as the Church to God?

Sometimes I honestly doubt whether I actually hear God's voice. When I say God's voice, I don't mean the booming echo from the clouds or a tiny voice inside my head. I mean direction and guidance that I believe to be divinely inspired. It comes in many forms and I have come to recognize it much more readily than I once did. Yet most days, I still have to convince myself that I am not crazy to think that anything in my life is divinely inspired.

In mid July, I had one of those moments. As I penned a question in one of my journals, I wondered how the thought could have come to mind. One simple question. "What if I didn't intern?"As the last dot of ink hit the page, I already new that my original plan of doing a Chi Alpha internship was not going to come to fruition. I can't explain it, but I knew. I prayed through it, talked it over with my most trusted friends, and contemplated all angles of the scenario. While I have spent the last month and a half hoping that I was crazy and that my plans would work out despite my intuition... as I continued to simply pray for God's will, I knew with exceeding certainty what my answer would be.

As of two days ago, that question was finally resolved. Sorta. I am officially not interning for Chi Alpha, and instead doing a CMA position. And, to be frankly honest, I couldn't be more relieved. Why? Well, I recognize the value in the internship and I am saddened to not have that experience.... but... if things would have worked out, I would have had to begin to question whether or not I heard God's voice correctly.

I love the subtle ways that God speaks to me, and the confirmation that I hear Him. This whole situation is working out for the best because not interning this year is God's will. I believe that whole-heartedly, and there is nothing more satisfying than knowing that you are in God's will.