Last night, I had a harsh realization of the fact that I should still fear myself (Sorry for the spastic entry!) 
 
Our study party ended with an awesome conversation about being filled with the Spirit and the benefits of living a Spirit filled life. When I ventured home, I found myself facing the reality that I have not allowed myself to be filled with the Spirit over the last few days. In the midst of the chaos of finals week, I gave God a backseat in my life. I talked so passionately about the Spirit filled life, but this week I have not been living it. 
 
Crazy, since I know better. I was honest in our conversation that I had not been as tune with God this week as I should be and  the consequences  in my daily life.  However, last night I was faced with the hard reality of that truth.   I need the Spirit of God to refill me daily; otherwise I will fall to sin and wander away from the path His will has placed me on... Last night, I did.  No need to be concerned, but it is a slow fade. Once again I gave myself a stronger reminder of my depravity and  my capacity and propensity to sin.

"Sin is anything in the creature which does not express, or which is contrary to the holy character of the Creator. The first sin in the Universe was an act of free will in which the creature deliberately, responsibly, and with adequate understanding of the issues, chose to corrupt the holy, godly character which God originally endowed His creation. [Zondervan Dictionary]"

It doesn't matter what the sin is. Sin is sin, and God hates sin. Sin draws us away from God, and we are called to hate sin too.  If it is in our nature to sin and even Paul did what he hated,  how do we repel sin in our lives?
 
1) Remain in the Word: Rev. John Smith once held up a Bible and proclaimed, "This Bible will keep you away from sin , or sin will keep you away from the Bible?". The Psalmist understood this truth: "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." - Psalm 119:11

2) Be re-filled continually with the Spirit: "The best way to fight sin is to be controlled by the Holy Spirit on a daily basis. That involves a moment-by-moment walk with Christ. The apostle Paul said, "This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh" (Gal. 5:16)."- John MacArthur

Sounds simple enough, so why do I feel like I fall continually?  Why do we sin? Why did I wander, even if only for a few minutes, down a path that wasn't of God? Why do we not have a greater capacity to follow God and His will for our lives?
The answer comes back to the truth that sometimes I want other things more than I want God, and that attitude is sin. I have used this quote before and I will probably use it again: 

"Every believer is as full of the Spirit as we actually want to be... Everybody has as much of God as he desires to have."- A.W. Tozer

Hard, but true. My momentary lapses are my responsibility, and there is no excuse for them. If I was filled with the Spirit in those moments, my decision making would not be impaired because we cannot serve two masters mentally at the same time. Yet, my distance from God's Spirit in these moments is due to the fact that I do not desire Him enough. My priorities and desires are twisted. If I wanted more of God and truly desired nothing more than Him, He would give me more of Himself.   


My prayer is that my desire would be God and God alone. My prayer is that my hunger and thirst for Him would be so great that it would be impossible to survive even a day without the nourishment of  studying His Word and spending time in His presence. My prayer is that my prayers for myself would be Your prayers over my life.