As the plane descended into the airport, my first thought about Ibiza involved climbing the mountains and jumping into the sea. Ascending into the sky two weeks later, I was wondering if my return trip would involve some outdoor antics. Love the idea of rock climbing, but my upper body strength isn't as great as it used to be.. and I just may be too insecure to even attempt it. Even if I can find the footholds and hand grips, I don't know if I can pull myself up the rock face. The imagery of the side of the cliff stuck in my mind throughout the duration of my twenty something hours in transit.

Footholds? Reminds me of the lovely phrase: "don't give the devil a foothold". I've wrote about this before, and I will probably write about it again... I think I have some footholds and hand grips exposed in my life that need to be dealt with in the upcoming year. My time in Ibiza confirmed that, but also affirmed the fact that the devil is too weak to pull himself up the rock face.

Let me explain in a different way.... on the flight back, I was trying to watch some mindless movies to deter my thoughts. My choice: She's Outta My League. Funny, the film takes place near my home turf in Pittsburgh mainly at the airport. One sentence plot summary: an average guy starts dating an successful, attractive woman who he perceives to be out of his league and his insecurity about the incompatibility leads him to almost ruin the relationship. Like the guy in the film, I am extremely insecure and often worry more about the disparities in life than the possibilities. For me, I often feel like the tasks God calls me to are outta of my league.

In a previous entry, I mentioned three foothold areas that God and I am working on... artsy creativity, physical fitness, and self expression via personal appearance. If you want a healthy dose of exposure therapy for those three things, I would suggest clubbing. When they informed me that we were going clubbing at the world's most respectable nightclub, my initial thought was "*gulp* I can't do this. Love house music, love to dance, love people... but I can't do this, I am not good enough to be a clubbing person, life in Ibiza is outta my league. So, how do I get out of this? Or rather, how do I push through?"

That small foothold of insecurity could have led me to not go out with the team. It could have led me to going out and being miserable. It could have led me to missing an awesome opportunity to worship God in the midst of a sea of people worshiping music, alcohol, drugs and sex. Instead, I pushed through and LOVED every moment of it. Why? I loved  the experience because God created me with a love of music, dance and worship, but the footholds of my personal insecurity are generally just enough room for the devil to get a grip on my life and cripple me with fear.... preventing me from fully being the person God created me to be.

Upon my return stateside, I am already eagerly awaiting another opportunity to climb some personal mountains... I am also aware of that I need to destroy some exposed footholds and hand grips in my own life. Here is to ten months in DC, the place where I am most insecure, to continue to prove to myself that this calling on my life is not outta my league with God's help and guidance. After those ten months, we'll see where He leads me... I can only hope that it's to a place way outta my league so that I know that I am clinging to Him, being the person He created me to be.