It isn't uncommon that my face to fails to make the appropriate expression as I perceive the world around me. My response to this song was no different. At first I laughed in amusement, then dropped my jaw in surprise, then I grimaced with disdain, and then I laughed with disbelief... and I still don't know whether I find the lyrics to this song funny or disheartening or a bit of both.

"I’m really glad I found my way to church
‘Cause I’m already feelin’ better and I thank God for the words
Yeah I’m goin’to take the high road
And do what the preacher told me to do
You keep messin’ up and I’ll keep prayin’ for you"

And then proceeds to pray for judgement and punishment... I realize that this song is written with some jest and I am not offended by music on the radio.... but the lyrics did make me think because this is sad, but true. How many people convince themselves that they are taking the high road through prayer, when really they are justifying the bitterness and pride in their own hearts through a religious practice?

How often do we pray for God's wrath rather than His love and mercy? Do we pray for our enemies to experience hell or to find the redemption of salvation? Jesus prayed for His enemies to be forgiven, and Paul reminded us to do good to those who harm us because we are "little Christs". Quoting Proverbs, Romans 12:20 reads:

"If your enemy is hungry, feed him; 

if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

Neither suggested that we desire that actual burning coals be heaped on their heads.  It's interesting that Jesus' outline of how to pray in the Lord's prayer is to pray that debts would be forgiven, that temptations would be lifted, and that things would be as they are in heaven (not as they are in God's wrath and the tortures of hell). And, here Paul reminds us that we are supposed to play an active role in bringing a little bit of God's goodness to this world. Through prayer and deed, we are supposed to reflect God's love and mercy. And, it is the very absence of those attributes that comprise God's wrath and judgement; if God wasn't loving and merciful, He couldn't be jealous and just. People either forget that love and service toward those less than likable people in our lives could transform them into our friends, or forget that it is their love and service that may lead people to repentance by showing them the Godly sorrow of true conviction by means of selfless kindness. Either way, the prayer is for reconciliation and redemption, not for destruction.

Jesus begged for those who were persecuting Him, while Jonah wished that people he despised would remain unrepentant and see God's wrath to its fullest extent. Who will we model our prayers after? When we pray for wars and conflicts, do we pray that men like Joseph Kony would repent from his sins or burn in hell for all the children he has corrupted? When we pray for thieves and murders, do we pray that they will experience true liberation or be locked in an eternal prison away from God's presence? When we pray for prostitutes and drug dealers, do we pray that they would enter our services and our homes and become our friends, or do we pray that they would flee from our cities?

Are will praying God's will over the world around us or our idea of what God's will should be? The distinction between obeying the preacher and obeying the High Priest may appear slight, but it really makes all the difference. It is the distinction between praying like Jesus and praying like Jonah.

As C.H. Spurgeon once wisely suggested: "Prayer itself is an art which only the Holy Spirit can teach us. Pray for prayer.  Pray until you can really pray." The Holy Spirit, the spirit that rose Christ from the grave, lives within us and can teach us to pray like Jesus prayed. Instead of Jonah like prayers where I give God suggestions of how to fix this broken world, I pray that Spirit will continue to teach me to pray like Christ, to pray that the Father's will be done on earth as it is in Heaven and that my life could play a little role in actively showing the world His goodness.

And, I'll continue to pray the same for you...

Seat belt, check. Harness, check. Thumbs up from the operator, check. Click, click, click. Up, we go. Obligatory poking and mocking the scared younger sibling or older grandparent riding with you, check. Momentary hang time at the top, and then... double fist pumped hands up, breaking the rules by standing up, smile on your face as  you scream... a 225 foot plunge and 1 minute 45 seconds of twisted metal and air time... then brakes... station... disembark.

Multiple people have suggested to me that I keep a blog for my ministry partners and support team.

So, here is the game plan folks. This blog remains active, and I remain faithful to it. You can continue to expect randomness, reflections, revelations, reviews, rants, and a number of other things that aren't coming to mind at the moment because of the amount of alliteration in this sentence.  Definitely keep checking in here. This place will continue to be the best source of insight to what is going inside my head.

The other blog will become my main source of communication with my support team.  If you want the updates specifically regarding what I am doing with Chi Alpha, follow that blog as well. [Also, shameless plug, I am still short of my budget and really need some help support raising. If you know of anyone who might be interested in investing in campus ministry, please let me know or send them towards the info pages on the other blog. Thanks!!]

Why have two different blogs? Well, some people will want to know what is going on with the ministry on campus, but could care less about the musing of my mind. I don't like the compartmentalization, but in this particular circumstance, I see value in it. Somedays there will be overlap, I'm sure.

Another reason for the separation, I don't want my personal musings to be seen as the face of the ministry on campus... especially since I plan on making this blog a little more public and transparent than it has been. What do I mean by that? Well, for one, I am going to make it findable for the first time... and I am going to be posting a lot more links on facebook to this site.

Why? Recently God has really been challenging me to tap back into my hidden giftings and to be a lot more public with the things that make me who I am -- my passion for processing the world around me, writing, books, theology, music, culture, and all the other things that I have touched upon or should have touched upon in this blog over the years. There may also be a return to the more creative writing, photography, art, and all that jazz...

As my public ministry officially launches with this internship, my personal ministry... my life... is also going to be put on display for all to see... and this blog is my life in type, one day at a time. 

The marquee indicated that the bus was headed north, its location on the road suggested it was heading south, and my memory recalled that this particular weekend route had a deceptive loop. I needed a southbound bus to reach my purposed destination; I didn't need to board this bus. Accidentally, but knowingly, I walked up the stairs and embarked on a ridiculous, roundabout journey.  Bused to a metro stop north of my apartment, only to board the metro headed southeast, and then walked about a mile northeast to arrive at my intended destination right on schedule.

The dots have been spread out all over the page for awhile... and now they are quickly connecting one by one... I would have never seen this picture coming, and I am still unsure of how it will turn out... but my life is going somewhere and it's going to be one wild ride. And, I wouldn't have it any other way.

"are you kidding me?! your life is the best story ever."

"All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely." 1 Cor 13:12 (NLT) 

One last post concerning Ibiza.... for now at least. For anyone who has talked with me in the last four months, you know that I had a tremendous amount of difficulty deciding whether or not to go on this trip.  I am in the middle of support raising for my internship, out of contacts and ideas, and about $1000 a month short of my goal... and I hopped on a plane and fled the country. It was irrational and not great timing... yet I still felt like I should go.

With my eyes fixed on my tattoo -Kairos, timing, opportunity, my monument to what God has done in my life... and my ear turned to Heaven hoping that I heard Him correctly... I charged the plane tickets on my credit card and decided to seize the opportunity. I did  so fully knowing that the consequences could be irreversible. But, I believed I heard God say "go", so I went.

In retrospect, it was absolutely God and regardless of the consequences, I will never regret boarding that plane. My time in Ibiza was two of the best weeks of my life, and may actually greatly impact my future as I have reconfirmed some things that He has been revealing about my life. And, He reconfirmed that I know how to hear His voice.

Before Ibiza, when I glanced down at the tattoo... I was reminded of all the Kairos moments I seemingly missed. The moments were I interpreted God's leading incorrectly, when I hesitated too long to see God move, and when I flat out disobeyed God intentionally by ignoring Him.

Now when I look down at the tattoo, I am reminded of what happens when I obey God's voice... incredible, life changing experiences.. specific directions to streets and corners where opportunities to help people and amazing conversations occur...specific questions and words for  people... specific insights to things going on in the spiritual realm... specific scriptures, pictures and words to pray through. When glance down at my wrist, I remember that I hear God's voice and I know how to respond to the way He speaks to me. I recall this with a humble submission knowing that it is all God and all for His glory...  and a holy confidence knowing that with Him all things are possible.

The night rounds start around midnight and go until four or five in the morning. We go out in twos, armed with a bag full of bibles, first aid and vomit cleaning supplies, water, lighters, and prayer cards. Some shifts out involve walking a drunk person home, some are messy, some involve rides in the vomit wagon, but others just involve conversations and prayer with people. Generally long conversations happen on slower nights. Wednesday is normally a busier messier night, but last Wednesday, my second to last night on the island...I had both a busy night and a good long conversation.

His friend stopped us to inform us that we would need the wheel chair later that night to take his buddy home. His mate was celebrating his last night on the island, and seemed smart enough to not drink himself into a stupor. After sharing that I was also leaving soon, we began discussing why I came to Ibiza. Which led to how I decided to enter into ministry and why I became a Christian. Then the conversation shifted to how we can help people in the areas we live in and then back to how to find authentic Christians. Then he confessed to me that he once believed and could no longer... that he felt like God had abandoned him.. that he had no purpose in his life because he had missed his opportunity already. The questions that followed included: "Why doesn't God answer my prayers? How can I hope for a purpose when I already messed that up? Does God even know me? Is it possible that He forgot to give me a purpose, that some people are useless? Why do bad things happen if God cares? How can He forgive us for those bad things that we do, for the missed opportunities?".  Question by question, I tried to my best to relay what I know to be true.. in summary: "Jesus loves you mate. He knows you. He has a purpose for you. I don't know why you feel like He is far off. I understand it though, I've been there and felt that...but I challenge you to give God a chance again. With a sincere heart ask Him to reveal Himself and He will. Matthew 7:7, a life verse for me. Can I pray with you, that it would be your life verse too. That you will continue to seek God and find Him?" 

Our willingness to stop allowed God to use me to speak some words of truth and encouragement into the life of a prodigal son and to share my testimony with him. Awesome, and I know his name and bits and pieces of his story.... which means I can continue praying for him. Here is to being willing to slow down, even on the busy nights, and take the time to listen to and talk with others.