There have been many times this week when I have wanted nothing more than to blog. Then I remember that my thoughts would be on display for anyone to read. That intimidation factor never fails to create some hesitation. The remaining reluctancy comes from my lack of ability to articulate my thoughts. Here is a random stream of partial thoughts to account for the difference.
- I love what I am doing, but the more I am here, the more I feel like I'm not supposed to be here for long.
- In discovering more of who I am, I am losing lots of who I'd rather be and the friends I'd love to walk with me along the way. I guess this is losing my life to find it.
- In a crowded room, I am more than lonely. Somehow, I think it will always be that way.
- I can't get you out of my mind, and I know that I need to as soon as possible.
- I'm homesick, but no where really feels like home... well expect that one place, that one time... and that even wasn't quite right.
- My mind, heart, and spirit are a bit off. I can't explain it, but I don't like it.
- I am super pumped about studying Ephesians, but also super nervous that no one will show up at my Bible study.
- I've never needed God more, but I'm really struggling to connect with Him.
- I seriously want to get my lip pierced, and I think I should. As soon as I can justify spending the money on the needle, I think I am going to do it.
- I am meant to live life on the edge, but first I need to learn the right posture to fully enjoy the view.
- Physical closeness is not an indication of the bond between two souls. Just because we share a hug, doesn't mean we share a meaningful friendship.
- Lately I have been increasingly frustrated that those closest to me don't seem to know me. Then I remember that I don't even really know me, and then feel guilty about my hypocritical irritability.
- My car is officially illegal to drive tomorrow, and I don't know when I'll have time to make it legal or if I'll stop driving it in the meanwhile.
- My latest pet peeve with myself: my communication style. I listen, and I remember... but often my multitasking mouth speaks before given the social cue that it's acceptable.
- I need to develop a liking of running again because I will never truly be comfortable in the club, effective on the beach, or able to run into the the dangerous places until I do. All of which are going to be essential aspects of my future plans.
- In due time, I need to find someone who is as crazily in love with God's adventure as I am. Scratch that; I need to find someone even crazier... because this life would be a little less lonely with a companion. My secret fear is that that person doesn't exist.
- Sleeping is becoming problematic. I either can't do it or I can't stop it. I cry myself to sleep as I push through my insomnia, and then struggle to pull myself out of bed in the morning.
- As I argue with myself about the present, my tattoo haunts me and I love it more and more each day.
- My greatest fear is that I lost the gifts I once refused to use, and now desire to see them at work to bring a little of Heaven to earth. By gifts, I mean both the practical and supernatural.
- This list needs to come to a close because I need to go spend some time hanging out with the only constant and trustworthy aspect of my life: Jesus.
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