When I initially viewed my StrengthsFinder profile, I was both shocked and appalled at the results. This personality profile identifies your top five strengths and one of mine is apparently being Self-Assured. Achiever, Connectedness, Communication, Learner... those I get... but Self- Assured, really? Not me.
Originally, I was offended, and then I was perplexed, and now I recognize the truth in that statement. I am quite sure of myself, of my abilities, of my strengths, of my belief, and even of my short comings and weaknesses. I know what I am capable of and I manage my life well.
Self assurance has been a reoccurring theme lately. This weekend I hosted twenty junior high students on your standard CSM trip. Given my experience hosting and my natural leadership abilities, I wasn't concerned about hosting again this weekend. Friday morning went well, but it seemed like something was missing; I just didn't feel as connected with the students. Friday afternoon I realized my self assurance was lacking one thing: prayer. For every other group, I have spent substantial time in prayer before their arrival, asking God to prepare me to lead their trip. This time I just took for granted that I knew what I was doing and forgot to ask God to help me do it. I corrected my oversight, and it made all the difference the following day.
Self-assurance is a virtue only if I make sure that I am self-assured because I am in relationship with a God... recognizing that it is He who designed my strengths and strengthens me in order to bring glory to Himself. My self assurance must be rooted not in my ability to manage life, but instead in God's ability to do impossible in and through my life.
This weekend was bittersweet. I love hosting, but I found myself frustrated with my return the realities of academic life when the group departed. I am confident that God has amazing things in store for my life as I grow in faith and become more involved in ministry, and I need to remember that I am His... meaning He is God, I am not. I need to be patient and remain confident in the fact that it is His plan, not mine...
As I was reflecting on my experience hosting this weekend, I read this on Mark Batterson's blog:
"When you get overconfident it goes to your head. When you get holy confident you go to your knees. And that makes all the difference in the world."
It isn't about my ability or what I think I am capable of in the future. It is about being patient, being submissive, being available, being willing to follow God where ever He leads me. It's about being self-assured about my identity in Christ and confident in His character and His promises. My self-assurance begins with my decision to bow down and honor the King of King and Lord of Lords until He returns to earth and throughout eternity.
As I fall back to my knees, I am reminded of Paul's self assurance in his calling to apostleship and his words to the early Church...
"For we who worship by the Spirit of God are the ones who are truly circumcised. We rely on what Christ Jesus has done for us. We put no confidence in human effort, 4 though I could have confidence in my own effort if anyone could. Indeed, if others have reason for confidence in their own efforts, I have even more!
5 I was circumcised when I was eight days old. I am a pure-blooded citizen of Israel and a member of the tribe of Benjamin—a real Hebrew if there ever was one! I was a member of the Pharisees, who demand the strictest obedience to the Jewish law. 6 I was so zealous that I harshly persecuted the church. And as for righteousness, I obeyed the law without fault.
7 I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. 8 Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ 9 For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith. 10 I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ." - Philipians 3:1-10 (NLT)
" 7I became a servant of this gospel by the gift of God's grace given me through the working of his power. 8Although I am less than the least of all God's people, this grace was given me: to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, 9and to make plain to everyone the administration of this mystery, which for ages past was kept hidden in God, who created all things. 10His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms, 11according to his eternal purpose which he accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord. 12In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. " - Ephesians 3:7-12
Here's to holy self-assurance... God please let it truly be one of my strengths.... and may it make all the difference in my world so that You may be made known... so that those who I encounter can experience Your presence and encounter the peace of holy confidence for themselves.
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