One of my favorite movies of all time describes exactly how I feel right now:

"How many days have I lost? How can I get back to the place where I started? I'm outside a house, trying to find my way in, but it's locked and the blinds are down, and I've lost the key, and I can't remember what the rooms look like or where I put anything. And if I dare go inside, I wonder, will I ever be able to find my way out?"

Proof is a gem of a movie that not too many people are familiar with... so let me briefly explain the premise. There is a brilliant young mathematician who fears that she is going crazy like her father. So she runs away from her work and her life; she wants nothing to do with the numbers that were making her feel as if she was mad. Then, she is encouraged to go back to it and she knows she has to do so... but she is afraid of diving back in for several reasons. She is afraid of not being able to get back to the point were she once was. Partly because she has been away from it for so long that she isn't even convinced that she did the work to begin with. Secondly, she is afraid of jumping back in and never being able to get out. Not to mention, that she still is not sure of whether or not she is going insane.

I'm at that point. There are three things holding me back. 1) Uncertainty that I was ever in the house to begin with, worrying if my memories were once realities. 2) Fear of not being able to get back into the house, which only enhances my fear of insanity. 3) Fear of never being able to leave if I can get back inside.

So now I find myself in front of the house... not actively looking for the key ... but know that I will at least have to attempt to go back inside.