¹⁵When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?"
"Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."

¹⁶Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?"
He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."

¹⁷ The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."

Jesus said, "Feed my sheep. ¹⁸ I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go."

Randomly I bought a book a few weeks ago called Signs & Wonders: Why Pentecostalism is the World's Fastest Growing Faith by Paul Alexander. Not sure what the initial appeal was, but I bought it, read it, and have been thinking about it.... The book is written by a fourth generation AG pentecostal who disowned his denomination, went to seminary to become a pastor, and later returned to the pentecostal church. The foreword is written by an ELCA Lutheran who doesn't believe in the tenets of Pentecostalism, and the author's writing style is taking more from a sociologist's perspective than a pastor's.

Some interesting statistics: there are over 38,000 Christian denominations and few denominations have converts from other denominations. Pentecostalism, however, has millions. In fact, Pentecostals make up one-third of the world's population. I don't know about you, but coming from my anti-pentecostal upbringing I had no clue that there were that many of "those crazy people around".

With chapters on miracles, worship, speaking in tongues, prosperity, storytelling, spiritual warfare, prophecy, and hope/joy/emotion.... Alexander details why Pentecostalism is so appealing. I love the fact that he has insiders knowledge of and a fairly objective angle on the traditions of Pentecostalism. Personally, I feel that his analysis is spot on, and I would have loved to have read this book several years ago before I was introduced to the world of Pentecostalism.

Two major things that I took away from Alexander were a refresher course in the roots of Pentecost and another evaluation of semantics and definitions. It is easy to forget that the concept of Pentecost predates the Acts church. Pentecost is a Jewish celebration that takes place on the fiftieth day after passover. Shavuot, as it is known in Judaism, is a feast of thanksgiving for the first fruits of the harvest. Also, "In the Talmud, Shavuot is called Atseret (stop) as the festival was considered to be the conclusion of Passover. According to this view, Jews gained their freedom from Pharaoh on Passover, but they were only truly free on Shavuot when they accepted the Torah and became servants to God." During this festival, people remember the day that the Isrealites committed themselves to the law and celebrate the Torah as well.

When the Holy Spirit comes in the book of Acts, Peter and his companions were celebrating the day of Pentecost. They were celebrating their commitment to their God and His commandments... and as they were celebrating, they received the Helper that Jesus had promised them. Of all places, About.com comes through with a succinct description of this event's significance: " The Book of Acts continues to record the miraculous outpouring of the Holy Spirit that began on Pentecost. Once again we see the Old Testament revealing a shadow of the things to come through Christ! After Moses went up to Mount Sinai, the Word of God was given to the Israelites at Shavuot. When the Jews accepted the Torah, they became servants of God. Similarly, after Jesus went up to heaven, the Holy Spirit was given at Pentecost. When the disciples received the gift, they became witnesses for Christ. Jews celebrated a joyous harvest on Shavuot, and the church celebrated a harvest of newborn souls on Pentecost."

Reexamining its origins Pentecost definitely brought a new light to the significance of Pentecost. Or at least, I think it does. Coming from a church upbringing that only mentioned Pentecost once a year on the liturgical holiday and only explained the significance once a lifetime during confirmation class... the reminder of the Biblical roots definitely deepens my perspective.

The second thing that stuck with me from the book was the distinction between charismatic and pentecostal. Alexander reveals that 18% of Americans consider themselves charismatic, that's 54 million people in the US that consider themselves charismatic, but not pentecostal. I would be one of them. What exactly makes the distinction? Personally, I say charismatic because I do not want to be associated with a denominational doctrine - for the same reason, people say reformed rather than Calvinist.


Charismatics exist because Pentecostals- for better or worse- are their own sect of people. Alexander reveals that Charismatics are people who speak in tongues, but remain in traditionally non-pentecostal mainstream churches. He also notes that most charismatics are closet charismatics and do not share their beliefs with their communities of faith. Some over flaunt their spirituality and most are misunderstood by outsiders... so tongue-talking people become rather taboo in our society. People are disowned by families and their churches because they partake in this "heretical practice" that just so happens to be Biblical. Alexander writes: " Admitting that you pray in tongues is kind of like being gay and coming out of the closet: some people take great pride in it and flaunt it, others think it's best just to keep it quiet, and others try to find respectful ways to be who they truly are and live honestly with others who are different. I could hear someone mistakenly identified as a Pentecostal quickly respond, "No, no. I don't speak in tongues [or prophecy or pray for healing or *insert pentecostal practice here*] - not that there's anything wrong with that"(45).

Semantics and definition. So am I charismatic or pentecostal or both? Well, I come from a non-pentecostal background, I speak in tongues, I fully believe and support all the tenets of classical Pentecostalism (the chapter topics mentioned before), and I ... am not pentecostal? Immediate response generally is: No, I am not *shudders at the thought*. I'll admit the charismatic because it has little definition and commitment.. charismatics can live in their closets. Being pentecostal publically labels you as being a crazy person who believes in unconventional movements of the Spirit of God. If youadmit that you are pentecostal people might label you as someone affiliated with a renewalist movement or one of those pentecostal denominations like the Assemblies of God. People are going to think that you want to start teaching them about Baptism in the Holy Spirit and speaking in tongues and prophesying over their lives or praying for spiritual warfare... or...

I'm going to stop tpying now. If you know me, you got my point. The shoe fits.. so might as well wear it, right?

One of the most surprising parts of my job has been the free time I get once or twice a week to read while the group is doing self-led activities. Going through my reading list of Christian non fiction and spending more quality time with the Bible... I am learning more than I can comprehend. My viewpoints are being tested, my understanding deepened, my knowledge expanded... and I love it because our minds were meant to be tested and purified and stretched.

I recently finished a book called They Shall Expel Demons. I had been reading it for awhile, slowly chewing on the information chapter by chapter... and to be honest, I may have to read it two more times just to get a grasp on the material. Some of the author's ideas are extra-biblical and have been dismissed in my mind... but most of his statements are well supported with scripture. While the book is largely about spiritual warfare and demons, what I have been contemplating since reading it has less to do with the demonic and more to do with reformed doctrinal beliefs.

While I still consider myself reformed in theology (see this article for an explanation of the basics of reformed theology), I struggle with some of the tenets of the distinctive five points of reformed theology as based on the teachings of Calvin. TULIP- total depravity of man, unconditional election, limited atonement, irresistible grace, and preservation of saints. I could write multiple blogs on things that I do not understand, but I believe so strongly in the sovereignty of God that nothing makes sense but the reformed explanations.

Of the five points, the P tends to be the most difficult one for me. Growing up my mom was perhaps the strongest influence in my spiritual formation. She led me to Christ, she taught me to pray, she told me of how Jesus and His angels had visited and protected her... and now, I look into her eyes, I look at her life and I see a lost soul. There is no way that she knows God. Reformed tenets tell me that she either never did or she will repent and turn back to Him because the saints always persevere. I pray that the latter is true, but I still have my doubts...

One passage of that book read: "In 1 Timothy 4:1 Paul's warning is urgent: "Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons". Paul speaks here about people who, through yielding to the influence of demons, "depart from the faith". Obviously they could not depart from the faith unless they had been in the faith. As Christians they had apparently opened themselves up to deceiving spirits and consequently turned away from their faith in Christ" (p 148-149). In other scriptures, the Bible talks about holding brothers- as in fellow believers- accountable so that they will not sin or fall away. Why does the Bible describe them as being in the faith, as brothers if they are not truly God's people? And, if they are truly of the faith how can they fall away if the saints persevere?

I'm caught in semantics, but with the Bible wording is so important. What is a saint? Paraphrasing my Bible dictionary, a saint is one of God's people who is being made holy, continually rejoicing in God, continually praying, continually working for God... it has an ongoing connotation, one indicating a process of sanctification, of being refined to be more holy...

What about those who turn away? Those who seemed to have a real encounter with God and then fall back to sin and into deception. Those who will cry "Lord, Lord", and Jesus will respond "I don't know you". Who determines the sheep and the goats, and can a sheep become a goat? Can you begin the process of becoming holy and then fall off the track?

Firmly believing that salvation is a process, I believe that you can fall off track mid course, but I don't believe that true sheep can become goats. Professing faith does not been that you have crossed the point of no return- it is a continual day by day choice. If each day, you commit fully to God... I believe that you will persevere. I think there comes a point where you cannot deny God and you will never turn from Him because you have seen His glory and you know that nothing else can compare. I don't believe that God will let go of His children... though I have seen so many people fall away. People who seem legit, and it breaks my heart. Part of me believes that they will come back because God will not let them go, but part of me remains confused and frustrated.... who is responsible for the falling away of those who seemingly begin, but quit the race? The person who fails to continue or God who allows them to give up? My reformed mind tells me that people who fall away permanently were never destined to continue. If they were never meant to continue, why would God reveal himself to them- give them a glimpse of His glory knowing that they will turn away? The Bible definitely says that some professing believers will turn away... so they either lied completely or began the race and failed to finish. So many questions are racing through my mind especially since this theological doctrine is extremely close to my heart...

Nothing I find in scripture fully answers my questions, and there is nothing to refute the perseverance of saints tenet in scripture that cannot be explained through its context. I guess this is another topic area where I am humbled by knowing that God is God, and I am not. I do not have the capacity to understand, but I long to be wiser and more knowledgeable... so I am praying for truth and revelation... but until then, I'll continue to chew on it...

¹ I charge you therefore before God and the Lord Jesus Christ, who will judge the living and the dead at His appearing and His kingdom: ² Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching. ³ For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; ⁴ and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables. ⁵ But you be watchful in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry
.- 2 Timothy 4:1-5

This passage is an accurate summary of what I am learning this week. Even though my group is great, this week is the hardest one I've had yet... for various reasons. Without going into too much detail, I will say that being prepared constantly has proven to be challenging because there is no "time on" or "time off" this summer. The revelation that there should never be an on/off switch to faith or ministry is not a new truth for me... but I have been realizing how great that charge to live with authenticity, boldness, truth and love actually is... I am continually faced with the reality that our faith has been polluted by ill teaching and cultural perversions. When New Age practices, American civil religion, relativism, and our false god of self gratification influence our doctrines, we end up with a mingled mess of religion with a side of Christ thrown in when its convenient.

To steal some thoughts from Matthew West's The Motions,
"I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions"

I do not want to live a life of convenience, going through the motions. I want to live a radical life, chasing after God, standing strong for Him, and moving wherever His Spirit tells me to move...

"Fulfill your ministry".... "Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all [patience] and teaching."... what does that look like for my personal ministry here with this summer?

"You now have five minutes... to drill your CSM hosts... you can ask us any question and we will answer... go..." This little Q&A icebreaker eases the tension and students ask silly questions like "What's your favorite color pixie stick?" One of my girls this week got straight to the point and asked the question that mattered most...

Ironic. Not even fifteen minutes earlier, I told my co-host that I was not going to bring my story into the debriefing session. We spent the day working with kids, many of which come from impoverished and/or troubled homes. Meaning I can offer some insight based on my own experiences, but I try not to do so too often because this is not about me and I don't want to continually refer to my story. Even though I vowed not to use a personal story this time, when she asked for my testimony, I knew I could not pass up this opportunity. It is impossible to separate my walk with God from my struggles in life because God has been so gracious to me and it is truly His story to tell. So, I gave the group a topical, vague overview... and some insight and encouragement, but stuck to my guns about not getting into much detail. The following evening a few of the girls asked me to fill in the details...

Though I still do not know what that dynamic between sharing and not will be with groups- or in life for that matter, I will never pass up an opportunity to share what God has done for me if asked. This is the second week in a row that the group asked questions that led to me telling my testimony....

There is something to be said about the power of a testimony. Revelations 12:11 says "They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony". Something to ponder. What if my very testimony- the story of God working in my life- helps someone else overcome their problem or their prejudice or their fear? If I refrain from sharing when I have insight, what does that say about my willingness to share my faith and the truth about God?

Our willingness to be open and confident - to speak the word of God in truth and our testimonies with bold assurance- is an essential component of our faith. Sharing one's testimony goes beyond sharing words though. Words are nothing if the life we lead doesn't reflect the words we speak. If we claim to be changed, we should live in a way that shows those changes...

An example from last night, if we claim to believe in the power of prayer, we should be devoted and expectant in prayer... Prayer.... Living out faith in public. What is more public than praying in a park with a group of students? Our testimony that we believed in prayer was the fact that we were genuinely praying aloud in a public area. A man saw our faith and asked us to pray for him and his faith because he does not believe in God. I prayed through the Gospel with him and for healing in his life, and the youth leader prayed for his heart and his journey... and I think that it is awesome to be allowed to play a small part in what God is doing in that man's life

Oh, the power of a testimony- in word, in actions, in life... the question is whether we limit the power by passing over opportunities... my reason for not speaking or not acting when I have the opportunity is generally a fear of people and people thinking poorly of me. That loss of reputation or favor with people is nothing compared to a lost opportunity to see the Blood of the Lamb and the Holy Spirit working through our lives to help someone overcome...

Just some unedited thoughts to ponder.

I have learned so much from this week... and I want to share those lessons with anyone who stumbles across this page... but I do not know where to begin. Instead of writing a long description or trying to summarize complexities, I think it is best to leave one thought without much explanation.

Today in CVS, I overheard a man greeting an elderly woman with a " God is good", and she responded "All the time." Amen. A simple truth, but one that we all need to be reminded of continually.

I think it is too easy to forget either the "all" or to redefine "good" to mean what is preferable to us. Through some challenges and complexities- and amazing glimpses of how God transforms lives and turns all things into good things for His purposes- I think this week definitely reminded me of the truth behind the traditional greeting that I learned as a child.

God is good, all the time.

Yesterday, my group of students volunteered at DC Central Kitchen. As three of us were elbow deep in chicken grease, carving away at dozens of carcasses fresh from the rotisserie... a man named Michael who is a student in DCCK's recovery/job program.... joined our table. The first question he asked, "Are you Christian?" The girls with me explained that they were on a mission trip and that I was their host in DC. He told us his story- he found Jesus in prison, was empowered by the Holy Spirit to enter recovery, and desires to work with prison ministry to lead others to Christ. I was encouraged and blessed by his testimony. Michael then had a series of questions for me... "What is your role in the Church? What are your spiritual gifts? How has God prepared you through your past for your future? What is your explanation of the hope of Christ? What do you think God calls us to do? How do you combat spiritual warfare?" and so forth...

Large knife in hand, I continued cutting away at the chickens and answering every question as honestly and succinctly as possible. I have had much time to think about those questions and I am pretty confident in my answers.... yet my word choices included phrases like "I think, I should, we'll see.." Micheal called me out. He reprimanded me for not speaking truth in confidence and claiming what God has called me to do. "Don't think it, know it, claim it...."

My conversation with Michael was definitely the encouragement and challenge that I needed. The students working with me overheard our discussion and were amazed that I could answer his questions without really thinking twice... so was I to be honest. I am not good with being concise when answering spiritual questions, and I am just now realizing how much God has revealed to me over the last few years.

Later last night, during the group's debriefing, each student was allowed to share how God touched them. I began feeling like I should share my encounter with Michael and encourage the students to know that God is working in them,to know that they are His children and to take the confidence in the truth of the Gospel with them wherever they go. Being a host, I am obviously not a student... so I prayed that if God would have their leader ask for the CSM staff's input so that I could share. Their leader asked, so I did. With a subtle quiver in my voice, I told seventy students what I had learned from a man living in a shelter who loves Jesus just as much if not more than I do... I shared with them the message that I thought- scratch that, I know- that God wanted me to give them.

Another small step in learning how to walk in obedience in spirit and truth... praise God for the conversations, the lessons learned, and the opportunity to share with others.