I elegantly wrote a status update about loneliness, solitude and penguins late the other night; out of fear that it would be misconstrued, I never posted it. Because I cannot remember those fine words, here is a blog on the same topic sans the penguins.

According to the Oxford Dictionary: 

Loneliness =  sadness because one has no friends or company.
Solitude = the state or situation of being alone.

Okay, here is one socially awkward penguin.

If I told you that I was lonely, you might inquire why and perhaps offer me some companionship. If I told you that I was spending the evening in solitude, you would be more likely to affirm that being away from people is a good idea. The question is where is the line between the two.

At what point does solitude become loneliness? And, when do the lonely begin to embrace isolation as welcomed solitude?

As a hybrid introvertly centered extrovert, I often wonder where the tipping point is - I sometimes crave solitude, but I rarely like feeling lonely.  Do the two ever overlap? Does loneliness ever have a positive connotation? And, why do we generally assume that solitude is only achieved when desired?

Well, after some pondering, I realize that the two descriptions are not as closely related as we might think. One can be awfully lonely in a crowded room, and perhaps even find solitude in it if there is an element of isolation. However, we often forget that solitude is a state of being, and loneliness is an emotion.

When we are isolated or alone, we are in solitude. That is a fact. However, the state of being does not determine the attitude or the emotion that accompanies it.  Solitude sometimes involves a decision to be alone, but loneliness is always a choice to continue to feel sad about being alone. It is an active decision to focus on the lack of companionship in our lives. Truth be told, while it is not good for man to be alone, I often wonder how much of loneliness is misdirected idolatry because we hold others and their opinions of us higher than we should.

Personally, I think that loneliness can be a great thing. It is a red flag that out lives are not prioritized the way that they should be. In times of loneliness, we recognize that our purpose is to be in relationship with Jesus and to encourage others to do the same, that our heart desires more than this world has to offer, and that our lives are still being refined as we are creatures of emotion. I may have posted this before, but A.W. Tozer says it well:

"The loneliness of the Christian results from his walk with God in an ungodly world... It is this very loneliness that throws him back upon God. His inability to find human companionship drives him to seek in God what he can find nowhere else." - A.W. Tozer; "The Loneliness of the Christian"

If solitude means being only with God and/or being the only one building His Kingdom, it should be a joy and a privilege.  Seeing it differently is a great indication that we need to refocus on the Lord because He offers joy and peace and hope beyond what any human companionship could offer. Moreover, continued loneliness is a refusal to choose to live in the freedom of Christ.

Now, let's not allow solitude to escape this conversation unscathed. Solitude is a state of being, but a temporary one. To constantly choose solitude over relationship with others is to neglect our role in the Gospel.  The greatest commands are to love God and to love people. To love God requires time alone with God in solitude. To love people requires actually spending time with people. Jesus often retreated to pray alone, but He always returned to spend time with both His close friends and the communities through which He traveled. If all our time is spend in solitude, we are totally missing the opportunity to share God's love with others; which at the end of the day, means that we aren't love God as fully as we could either.

All that to say that solitude is a factual statement about our current condition while loneliness is an attitude that is proscribed to that state of being.

As pastor Charles Swindoll is popularly quoted with saying:

"The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable... The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes."

The proper response to both loneliness and solitude is often asking God for an attitude adjustment and for a deeper love for both the Creator and the people He has created. This word study is certainly directing me back toward God; praying for a realignment toward God's heart in my own life.