10 Things on my mind that I will blog about as soon as I find the time.... in no particular order.

1) Koinonia (in the process of writing this one...)
2) It is finished.
3) Alabaster jars.
4) Choosing joy.
5) End of Times video game.
6) Lost in translation.
7) psychology of religion.
8) love languages.
9) Flipping tables.
10) the latest dream.

During service tonight, we watched an awesome video that shared two students' testimonies. The overall theme was "I once was ___, but now I'm ___" because God with the help of the community of His followers have changed my life. So much has changed in two years that I can't help but laugh when I ponder that sentence.

For me, this concept of change and transformation is difficult. One of the hardest things for me to accept and embrace is how much I have changed. Actually, I have been denying it... halfheartedly deluding myself into thinking I am still the same... but over the last week, I have been continually reminded of how much has actually changed.

Someone walked up to me the other day, stopped, stared and asked "You're Kera Package?". After reminiscing about days of old where I was a leader in an organization when she was a freshman entering the program... she asked what I am doing with my life, if I am pursuing my political dreams. I laughed, told her that I changed my major five times and my dreams were entirely different now. "Jesus, what happened?!?" "Well actually, speaking of Jesus, that's what happened... I'm majoring in religious studies, graduating early, and going into ministry..." Her jaw dropped; she was surprised to say the least. I confess that for a moment I wanted to cry because I felt like I had let her down. She is not the only one... three girls I once mentored from three different organizations now go to my university... all three are disappointed with their former role model... and a secret sinful part of me wishes I still lived up to their expectations.

I am certainly not the same person that I was two or three years ago. In fact, I am not the same person this year that I was last year. Change is hard for me to accept. For the most part, I liked me. I liked my skills and my abilities and my personality- and sometimes I feel like I've lost those or at least the avenues to express them. Though as much as I liked me, I love God more. I belong to Him and He gave me everything that I am. I am nothing without Him, and my existence is meaningless if it isn't glorifying Him. The thought of disappointing people hurts, but the thought of disappointing God is more painful than words could express.

I like the new me better. I love that I can feel Him molding me, transforming the attributes He gave me into the person He wants me to be. And, I know that I will like the person that God has created me to be even more. I long to be that person... and I feel that God has given me some direction, and I am fighting like crazy to move down that path.

Who I am becoming makes me laugh because of who I am, and who I am makes me laugh because of who I have been. As I have been laughing, I have also been contemplating how to complete the "I once was___ , but now I am____" declaration. The orator in me came up with this...

I once was motivated by the realization that "Becoming a leader is synonymous with becoming yourself. It is precisely that simple, and it is also that difficult", [and] now I am trusting that " with God's help, I shall become myself."

"How can you call yourself a Christian and have a tattoo?" Even after explaining to the student that my tattoo was meant to glorify God - to serve as a marker of what He has done in my life and a constant reminder that He should be the one directing my steps, he was still convinced that it was a sin and that I am going to hell because of a little ink.

Loy Thurman [founder of ministry] wears his faith on his skin. Bright, four-color tattoos cover his neck, back, knees and feet. The drawing on his left arm is a rendition of a famous painting called Light of the World. It depicts Jesus holding a lantern that offers light to everyone.

The Hebrew word for atonement covers Thurman’s back. Praying hands shroud his knees. A tattoo of brass knuckles covers one foot; a switchblade covers the other.

“That reminds me that prayer is a street fight,” he said. “Life is a battle for souls, and we’re called to spiritual warfare.”

Every tattoo speaks of Thurman’s faith and commitment.

“Knowing Christ is so real, I’d walk over a cliff just to get to Him. That’s the reach of the Gospel.”

Thurman’s outreach is to those in the “scene,” a subculture of music and beliefs. His work with Subculture Ministries in Baltimore, Md., is supported by Southeast Christian Church and Youth for Christ.

Thurman, 26, is one of a unique group of missionaries. He is Timothy-raised in the Southeast youth group, called to ministry and supported by the church.

Southeast member Jim Karibo has known Thurman since he was in high school.

“Loy is a disciple to kids who don’t fit in most churches,” Karibo said. “He truly loves the Lord and always wanted to be used by God in some way. I’m thrilled he’s working with these kids.

“Kids in the scene look for people who are real,” he said. “These kids stick together because they’ve been rejected by others. They may look different, yet in so many ways they’re just like everybody else. They need Christ.”

Thurman believes God has called him to witness where few preachers go. Outreach is not easy.

“Most kids in the scene have no understanding of who Christ is,” Thurman said. “They are kids who have been turned off by the traditional church. Kids who long to belong but know little of the unconditional love Christ offers.”

Thurman’s call to reach these kids was clear. He attended a concert in a dark room with a stage. A band member yelled lyrics from the stage as kids standing around him yelled them back to the lead singer. Everything about the place looked different, yet Thurman was moved.

“As I was leaving the show, I felt God asking me, ‘Who’s reaching these kids?’”

Loy shook his head. “No one is.”

And that’s when he knew what God wanted him to do. He was going to the scene.

Thurman said it’s a call to be a light in the darkness. Subculture ministry began in 1998 with kids on Bardstown Road in Louisville. In April 2002, Thurman moved to Baltimore where the scene looms much larger.

“I don’t talk about my faith when I first meet someone,” Thurman said. “The only way to share your faith is to live it. When kids ask why I believe in Christ, I answer with authority. I am proud of my faith. Subcultures are all about boldness. I’m just as bold about what I know is true.”

Not long ago, Thurman went to a friend’s birthday party. Guests included 30 tattoo artists. Conversation veered from alcohol and tattoos to Jesus and faith.

“One guy told me he’d grown up in the church but left with a lot of disappointment,” Thurman said. “He didn’t find Jesus at church, but was interested in talking about God.”

About 30 kids meet every week at an apartment in upper Baltimore for Bible study.

“Conversation at Bible study is blunt,” Thurman said. “They ask hard questions and want informed answers. The Gospel is a jewel. We don’t throw it at anybody. I show them Christ is the truth from what I have studied and experienced.”

Thurman builds friendships without ulterior motives.

“Scene kids see through people,” he said. “They’re allergic to fakes. Some of these kids have had the Bible shoved in their faces and others have been told they’re going to hell. I want to be their friend because I see value in them. If they never accept Jesus, I will still love them.”

Thurman said kids in the scene relate to rejection, ostracism and suffering.

“When some have gone to church, they don’t feel the love of the body of Christ. Kids in the scene put up barriers. They say, ‘If you don’t accept me for who I am, forget it. Do you accept me for how I look? Are you going to look past my exterior to look at my heart? If not, you’re not worth my time.’”

But there are positives.

“In the scene, kids are willing to die for their beliefs,” Thurman said. “They don’t hide their sin, so if they are having problems in their lives, everyone knows. If they come to know Christ, that commitment is unbelievable.”

As the partnership between Thurman and Southeast grows, Karibo plans to take groups of college students from Southeast on short-term mission trips to Baltimore.

“I think it’s fantastic that Southeast is committed to reach this culture of kids who feel left out of the church environment,” Karibo said. “We need to go to them.”

For more information about Thurman’s ministry go to www.hopefortherejected.org.

This article originally appeared in The Southeast Outlook on 3/25/04.

¹⁵When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?"
"Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."

¹⁶Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?"
He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."

¹⁷ The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."

Jesus said, "Feed my sheep. ¹⁸ I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go."

Randomly I bought a book a few weeks ago called Signs & Wonders: Why Pentecostalism is the World's Fastest Growing Faith by Paul Alexander. Not sure what the initial appeal was, but I bought it, read it, and have been thinking about it.... The book is written by a fourth generation AG pentecostal who disowned his denomination, went to seminary to become a pastor, and later returned to the pentecostal church. The foreword is written by an ELCA Lutheran who doesn't believe in the tenets of Pentecostalism, and the author's writing style is taking more from a sociologist's perspective than a pastor's.

Some interesting statistics: there are over 38,000 Christian denominations and few denominations have converts from other denominations. Pentecostalism, however, has millions. In fact, Pentecostals make up one-third of the world's population. I don't know about you, but coming from my anti-pentecostal upbringing I had no clue that there were that many of "those crazy people around".

With chapters on miracles, worship, speaking in tongues, prosperity, storytelling, spiritual warfare, prophecy, and hope/joy/emotion.... Alexander details why Pentecostalism is so appealing. I love the fact that he has insiders knowledge of and a fairly objective angle on the traditions of Pentecostalism. Personally, I feel that his analysis is spot on, and I would have loved to have read this book several years ago before I was introduced to the world of Pentecostalism.

Two major things that I took away from Alexander were a refresher course in the roots of Pentecost and another evaluation of semantics and definitions. It is easy to forget that the concept of Pentecost predates the Acts church. Pentecost is a Jewish celebration that takes place on the fiftieth day after passover. Shavuot, as it is known in Judaism, is a feast of thanksgiving for the first fruits of the harvest. Also, "In the Talmud, Shavuot is called Atseret (stop) as the festival was considered to be the conclusion of Passover. According to this view, Jews gained their freedom from Pharaoh on Passover, but they were only truly free on Shavuot when they accepted the Torah and became servants to God." During this festival, people remember the day that the Isrealites committed themselves to the law and celebrate the Torah as well.

When the Holy Spirit comes in the book of Acts, Peter and his companions were celebrating the day of Pentecost. They were celebrating their commitment to their God and His commandments... and as they were celebrating, they received the Helper that Jesus had promised them. Of all places, About.com comes through with a succinct description of this event's significance: " The Book of Acts continues to record the miraculous outpouring of the Holy Spirit that began on Pentecost. Once again we see the Old Testament revealing a shadow of the things to come through Christ! After Moses went up to Mount Sinai, the Word of God was given to the Israelites at Shavuot. When the Jews accepted the Torah, they became servants of God. Similarly, after Jesus went up to heaven, the Holy Spirit was given at Pentecost. When the disciples received the gift, they became witnesses for Christ. Jews celebrated a joyous harvest on Shavuot, and the church celebrated a harvest of newborn souls on Pentecost."

Reexamining its origins Pentecost definitely brought a new light to the significance of Pentecost. Or at least, I think it does. Coming from a church upbringing that only mentioned Pentecost once a year on the liturgical holiday and only explained the significance once a lifetime during confirmation class... the reminder of the Biblical roots definitely deepens my perspective.

The second thing that stuck with me from the book was the distinction between charismatic and pentecostal. Alexander reveals that 18% of Americans consider themselves charismatic, that's 54 million people in the US that consider themselves charismatic, but not pentecostal. I would be one of them. What exactly makes the distinction? Personally, I say charismatic because I do not want to be associated with a denominational doctrine - for the same reason, people say reformed rather than Calvinist.


Charismatics exist because Pentecostals- for better or worse- are their own sect of people. Alexander reveals that Charismatics are people who speak in tongues, but remain in traditionally non-pentecostal mainstream churches. He also notes that most charismatics are closet charismatics and do not share their beliefs with their communities of faith. Some over flaunt their spirituality and most are misunderstood by outsiders... so tongue-talking people become rather taboo in our society. People are disowned by families and their churches because they partake in this "heretical practice" that just so happens to be Biblical. Alexander writes: " Admitting that you pray in tongues is kind of like being gay and coming out of the closet: some people take great pride in it and flaunt it, others think it's best just to keep it quiet, and others try to find respectful ways to be who they truly are and live honestly with others who are different. I could hear someone mistakenly identified as a Pentecostal quickly respond, "No, no. I don't speak in tongues [or prophecy or pray for healing or *insert pentecostal practice here*] - not that there's anything wrong with that"(45).

Semantics and definition. So am I charismatic or pentecostal or both? Well, I come from a non-pentecostal background, I speak in tongues, I fully believe and support all the tenets of classical Pentecostalism (the chapter topics mentioned before), and I ... am not pentecostal? Immediate response generally is: No, I am not *shudders at the thought*. I'll admit the charismatic because it has little definition and commitment.. charismatics can live in their closets. Being pentecostal publically labels you as being a crazy person who believes in unconventional movements of the Spirit of God. If youadmit that you are pentecostal people might label you as someone affiliated with a renewalist movement or one of those pentecostal denominations like the Assemblies of God. People are going to think that you want to start teaching them about Baptism in the Holy Spirit and speaking in tongues and prophesying over their lives or praying for spiritual warfare... or...

I'm going to stop tpying now. If you know me, you got my point. The shoe fits.. so might as well wear it, right?

One of the most surprising parts of my job has been the free time I get once or twice a week to read while the group is doing self-led activities. Going through my reading list of Christian non fiction and spending more quality time with the Bible... I am learning more than I can comprehend. My viewpoints are being tested, my understanding deepened, my knowledge expanded... and I love it because our minds were meant to be tested and purified and stretched.

I recently finished a book called They Shall Expel Demons. I had been reading it for awhile, slowly chewing on the information chapter by chapter... and to be honest, I may have to read it two more times just to get a grasp on the material. Some of the author's ideas are extra-biblical and have been dismissed in my mind... but most of his statements are well supported with scripture. While the book is largely about spiritual warfare and demons, what I have been contemplating since reading it has less to do with the demonic and more to do with reformed doctrinal beliefs.

While I still consider myself reformed in theology (see this article for an explanation of the basics of reformed theology), I struggle with some of the tenets of the distinctive five points of reformed theology as based on the teachings of Calvin. TULIP- total depravity of man, unconditional election, limited atonement, irresistible grace, and preservation of saints. I could write multiple blogs on things that I do not understand, but I believe so strongly in the sovereignty of God that nothing makes sense but the reformed explanations.

Of the five points, the P tends to be the most difficult one for me. Growing up my mom was perhaps the strongest influence in my spiritual formation. She led me to Christ, she taught me to pray, she told me of how Jesus and His angels had visited and protected her... and now, I look into her eyes, I look at her life and I see a lost soul. There is no way that she knows God. Reformed tenets tell me that she either never did or she will repent and turn back to Him because the saints always persevere. I pray that the latter is true, but I still have my doubts...

One passage of that book read: "In 1 Timothy 4:1 Paul's warning is urgent: "Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons". Paul speaks here about people who, through yielding to the influence of demons, "depart from the faith". Obviously they could not depart from the faith unless they had been in the faith. As Christians they had apparently opened themselves up to deceiving spirits and consequently turned away from their faith in Christ" (p 148-149). In other scriptures, the Bible talks about holding brothers- as in fellow believers- accountable so that they will not sin or fall away. Why does the Bible describe them as being in the faith, as brothers if they are not truly God's people? And, if they are truly of the faith how can they fall away if the saints persevere?

I'm caught in semantics, but with the Bible wording is so important. What is a saint? Paraphrasing my Bible dictionary, a saint is one of God's people who is being made holy, continually rejoicing in God, continually praying, continually working for God... it has an ongoing connotation, one indicating a process of sanctification, of being refined to be more holy...

What about those who turn away? Those who seemed to have a real encounter with God and then fall back to sin and into deception. Those who will cry "Lord, Lord", and Jesus will respond "I don't know you". Who determines the sheep and the goats, and can a sheep become a goat? Can you begin the process of becoming holy and then fall off the track?

Firmly believing that salvation is a process, I believe that you can fall off track mid course, but I don't believe that true sheep can become goats. Professing faith does not been that you have crossed the point of no return- it is a continual day by day choice. If each day, you commit fully to God... I believe that you will persevere. I think there comes a point where you cannot deny God and you will never turn from Him because you have seen His glory and you know that nothing else can compare. I don't believe that God will let go of His children... though I have seen so many people fall away. People who seem legit, and it breaks my heart. Part of me believes that they will come back because God will not let them go, but part of me remains confused and frustrated.... who is responsible for the falling away of those who seemingly begin, but quit the race? The person who fails to continue or God who allows them to give up? My reformed mind tells me that people who fall away permanently were never destined to continue. If they were never meant to continue, why would God reveal himself to them- give them a glimpse of His glory knowing that they will turn away? The Bible definitely says that some professing believers will turn away... so they either lied completely or began the race and failed to finish. So many questions are racing through my mind especially since this theological doctrine is extremely close to my heart...

Nothing I find in scripture fully answers my questions, and there is nothing to refute the perseverance of saints tenet in scripture that cannot be explained through its context. I guess this is another topic area where I am humbled by knowing that God is God, and I am not. I do not have the capacity to understand, but I long to be wiser and more knowledgeable... so I am praying for truth and revelation... but until then, I'll continue to chew on it...