"I hear a voice in the autumn breeze/ Telling me that I need to leave/ But I can't fly with these broken wings/ The leaves, they move like poetry/ It's all still such mystery/ But I can finally hear the melody "- Whereever the Wind Blows, Pillar

It always amazes me how one can sleep for days on end, but still awake feeling absolutely exhausted. After a week of being bed ridden due to a nasty concoction of a virus, a double infection, and random chemical imbalances... I still do not have the energy to return to scheduled programming.

However horrible being sick is, it always has one positive for me: being ill facilitates regression to a completely unfiltered state. I have no energy to maintain facades, and thus illness often releases the truth in my life. And over the last few days, I have been reminded of two very simple truths.

1. Broken wings don't repair themselves. -   It is no secret that I have been struggling to get back to a place where I can function as myself. And, well it is going to take some hard work on my part to make that happen. Rebuilding begins in the trenches, and involves dedication and discipline. I cannot continue waiting around for things to fix themselves because it will never happen. 
2. I can't tell myself where I need to be. - Yes, I'm extremely introspective and I know myself well. But, I am not the Holy Spirit. I cannot direct my path or choose my steps. And, as much as I hate the mystery of not knowing what I am doing next, I cannot fill in the blanks myself or force them to remain blank because I don't like what could be penciled in. As usual, in the end, I'll go wherever I am lead and that will be exactly where I need to be. 

Here's to rebuilding and to listening to the gentle voice in the autumn breeze because God knows I need some repair and direction this fall. Grateful for the stoppage of time and the reminder of the simple things.

"I've been here for so long /I think its time I moved on/ So tell me where it is that I need to be / Where ever the wind blows / You will find me there / Standing exactly where I wanna be"