If deception is a poison, insecurity is the toxin that makes it lethal. Currently, my insecurities are infecting my mind, body and spirit. My thoughts are polluted with the fact that I am extremely out of shape. As pictures continue to surface on facebook, I can only cringe at my physical appearance. As summer activities continue to unfold, I am sickened by my weakness and decline in athleticism. Truth be told, I am beyond disgusted with myself... and my self worth is decreasing exponentially as my self disgust begins to overflow. It is consuming all my thoughts and all my actions. My heart does not recognize myself for who I am. It yearns for the competitive athlete and the strong willed competitor. Yet, my intellect knows that those days have past and mourns for their disappearance. While one knows that will power and discipline can overthrow the decay of sickness and lethargy, one also needs motivation to change things from the status quo. I am not only lacking inspiration, but I am also experiencing an abundance of depression. I cannot shake the feeling that life is not worth the hassle... simply because of the lack of value on my life and my disgust with who I am becoming. Outer appearance is everything because first impressions set the tone for relationships. However, I have allowed myself to go beyond a point of disgust to a point of self loathing. Once again I find myself changing my pathways to avoid shorts, mirrors, asthma attacks, and any remotely degrading element in my life. My own insecurities are beginning to hold me prisoner. The question is how does one break free of a long term problem that one has no motivation to solve...

The answer I guess could be God... and hopefully, He will show me how to battle the way I feel and make the necessary changes in my life.