Zero. Out of all the areas of growth I targeted for 2011, I didn't make significant progress in a single one of them

It's funny how we always start the year determined to become better people, but rarely do we follow through. New Year's resolutions are almost laughable. That's why columnists and relatives alike will encourage you to set "realistic" goals. "Set benchmarks that you can accomplish. Don't set yourself up for failure. Guarantee success by sticking with a fool-proof method."  I don't know about you, but I'm starting to wonder whether there is any value at all in developing "realistic" strategies.

When I wrote "11 for 11... and beyond", I sincerely desired growth in each of the areas listed. A year later, I'm reading over the post nodding my head in agreement- excited about the possibilities. BUT, there is still a little voice in the back of my mind saying "you can't do that. Be realistic. Come up with a plan. What are your tangible goals?"


Today I am publicly telling that  little voice to shut up and mind its own damn business.

As I entered 2011, I didn't have a strategy. Sure, I set out areas of growth and I had some idea of how I could ask others to hold me accountable for those changes. But, I didn't have a step-by-step plan. I simply wanted to follow Jesus and see where He led me. 

As the months progressed, I had a ton of voices speaking into my life. Most of which had good intentions and were genuinely concerned for my future. The little voice inside my head liked all the rational advice I was receiving  and continued to champion the formation of a strategy for success. [I should pause to note that the little voice is just for illustration- there is no need for exorcisms or any medication at this point in time].  And so in an effort to please all the voices in my life, I began to be more rational and I began to develop rational plans. I became a little less idealistic, hoping to gain the approval and support of others.

Consequently, I lost my sense of self and my sense of calling ... and I completely burnt-out multiple times this year. [Read more about what I learned about burning out and missing out here].

This morning I spent a few hours trying to figure out what 2012 would bring. "Should I transfer schools? Apply to work with other ministries? Finally begin an internship program? Take a few months off to try to work and diminish my student loan debt? Which city should I move to?" Too many questions!

I spent a few hours looking up information online about hypothetical strategies and plans for this new year.  Then unexpectedly a tear fell from my eye, and next thing you know, I'm flooding my living room.

"Why are you doing this Kera? Where did strategizing get you this year? This isn't you and you know it. Consider the journey, what do you want from this year?"

 Okay. *deep breath* What do I want? I want this year to not be 2011. The best parts of last twelve months didn't fit in my rational plan: distance education seminary classes and three months in Ibiza.  "Then why are you attempting to adopt a new strategy for 2012?" I have no idea... maybe I should just pursue God, amend my path as the Spirit leads, and simply live life in faith.

Welcome to my internal dialogue. It's actually a little messier than that, but you get the picture. 


The question of "what do you want from the journey?" is haunting me. "If you could do anything this year, what would it be? Where do you want to go? What do you want to learn? "You don't even want me to begin to answer that question.

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I want to learn to live by faith. To follow the Spirit with reckless abandon. To live as simply as possible and to love more deeply than I'm capable.

I want to learn to be humble. To walk in the power of God. To be confident of who I am in Him.

I want to live life on the edge with the trust that God is moving my adventure forward. To give prophetic words to strangers. To offer hospitality to those who least expect it and who least deserve it. To worship in the darkest places.

I want to get lost in scripture and to pray with reckless abandon. To learn to be fearless in this world but to have a holy fear of God that continually brings me to my knees. 


I want to be a mouthpiece of the Gospel. To allow my soul to pour out into my writing. To use every quirky, artsy, crazy fiber of my being to spread His message. 


I want to learn to love and be loved. To love myself for who I am. To invite others into my life, knowing that relationships are messy. To befriend both the afflicted and the inflicter. 

I want to laugh and to cry more than I ever have before. To celebrate risks. To devote my all to the cause of Christ.

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I know that sounds idealistic. It's  crazy and terrifying. There is no security or stability or strategy. Guess what? I wouldn't have it any other way.  Realistic pursuits are overrated, and extremely temporal.  I want to be a part of something eternal.

So little voice that tries to scare me into adopting a rational strategy for my life, keep the muzzle on... because I'm trading my strategy for submission. In 2012, I want to learn to live by faith. 

 As I stumbled into the elevator, I caught my reflection in the mirror and thought "damn, I look good".

A rare, foreign moment of self acceptance and approval. I won't tell you what I was wearing, in case you intend to kill my joy- but as I studied my appearance, I thought to myself "I like me. I'm cool, I'm casual, I'm collected... perhaps, maybe, I've got a chance to score the right job, the right friends, the right guy... all of which will like me too!" As the ding hinted that I was reaching my floor, I had one last thought "If I look this good and I'm out of shape, I need a haircut, I'm sick and I haven't slept in twenty-four hours... I definitely look good when I'm at my best".  So I stepped off the lift, walked down the hall to my apartment and went to bed confident that I like myself.

Rereading what I just wrote...  I find my words a bit conceited,  and I wonder if they are also a bit delusional.  98% of the time,  I don't like myself quite that much. I don't like how I look or the image I portray. For every night of self appreciation, there are two or three more where I lay my head on my pillow thinking that I'm not good enough.  A glance at a mirror often progresses to "Eh, I'm not sure I like this. And I'm out of shape, and nothing I like is in style... no wonder I don't have cool friends or a boyfriend or a successful career. If only I could do.... I might be a little closer to being likeable."

It's not a constant or controlling thought pattern -  don't be alarmed.  It's just that like much of the population, I struggle with body image and self image. It's a fact about my personality that I have known for a long time.  One that I am aware of and that I actively battle against.  I know I'm not alone, but really... do people realize how many of us regularly stare in the mirror with disgust?

Here is a glimpse* at the facts:


Many people don't like themselves. Many more think they are not good enough. This video is a small sample of statistics and it completely neglects other forms of negative self image. How many people are depressed because they feel like they aren't good enough? Do I look presentable? Am I funny? Am I skilled enough to... ? I'll never... will I?   [Insert your question here.]

Last week in small group, we talked about the foundational tenets of the Christian faith. When asked what the most important rules of life were, Jesus answered: 

 "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

The question is: how would people feel if we treated them like we treated ourselves? 

Ponder that one for a bit.  Then consider, if God created you... if he formed you and directs you and loves you, is a negative self image a form of pride?

Imagine the perfect you.  What would would you change?

A professor once told me that the ultimate goal of a Christian is to be the you that Jesus would be if he had your strengths, your personality, your influence, your situation, your circumstances... your life.

Is that what you pictured? Or did you change the essence of who you are? To the image of magazines? To the definition of success? To a picture perfect persona found in media or movies? Do you think you could create a better you than God created? 

I'll admit that sometimes I do.  I'd erase my scars, my life experiences, my asthma, my ability to detect people lying, the fact that I often cry in public places when I'm deeply moved by something. I'd want to be a little taller, a little fitter, a lot smarter, and hilariously funny. I'd give myself more musical ability, a capacity to learn foreign languages... do I need to go on?

I'm proud enough to think that God screwed up when he created me.  And, that's just wrong. 

Allow me to interject a quick caveat, I am not saying that the desire to improve oneself cannot be godly. What I am questioning is why we have a desire to improve ourselves? Why do self help books become best sellers? Is it because we desire to be the best we can be so that we can fully contribute to the world? Or is it a desire to be the people we wish we could be in order to reach the world's idea of perfection?

For example, I have a desire to get into better physical shape. Does my desire to do so stem from dissatisfaction with my body compared to socially constructed expectations of beauty? Or does it stem from a desire to be fully healthy so that I can serve God with all my strength? One is a prideful endeavor; the other is a godly one.

All this to say, I should like myself more.  God loves me. He sees me as He created me to be, and I should value and appreciate his craftsmanship. Moreover, if I can't see myself as God sees me, how can I see you as God sees you? How can I fully love you if I never learned to love myself?

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*While this particular video doesn't offer citations, it appears to be consistent with other research I've come across.

Disclaimer: This post  is a long one. Inspired by discussion, requested by curious friends, and  dedicated to a fellow skeptic.. Though all opinions are exclusively mine, and admittedly somewhat biased. At least it's honest.
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The A word makes me cringe. Over the years, I have developed an increasing dislike of the term.  It's supposed to be used as a form of loving endearment, but most of the time I think it's utilized as temporary substitute for authentic support and community.  Affirmation is an often misused, misunderstood, and manipulated principle. 

 affirm.  (af-firm). verb.  /əˈfərm/ - [with object] to offer (someone) emotional support or encouragement. [Oxford]

I am a huge fan of offering emotional support and encouragement to people. And as a Christian, I truly believe that scripture commands us to honor, to edify, and to encourage one another.  I would like to think that I am a positive and supportive voice in the lives of my friends and family. I try to let people know that I love them, that I value them, and that I believe in them. Still, I cannot seem to embrace the term affirmation.

In my experience, there are two types of people in life: lovers- those who are encouraged by affirmation immediately... and skeptics-  those who dissect affirmation to determine if it is sincere. Contrary to what you might think, I am actually a very affirming person at heart. However, in the world of Christian affirmation, I am a slowly recovering skeptic.

Affirmation, in my experience, is the intentional practice of telling people what you like about them. Most commonly this verbal praise comes in three forms:

1. The  end of the year, semester, conference, [insert appropriate time frame here] gathering-  People sit in a circle, give one another cards and little trinkets, and tell each other how awesome they are.  Ex: "Kera was so great to be around you this semester. I know we haven't spent much time together, but you are so special. I wanted to tell you that. Here's a card with a picture of a dog that I think represents the "specialness" of your personality."


2. The affirmation sandwich- Someone says two or three nice things about you, inserts a hefty amount of heart crushing criticism, and then says two or three more nice things reasserting that they care about you and believe you can do better. Ex: "Kera, I think you are doing a fantastic job. You are always faithful with being here, and you always add wisdom and humor to our discussions. I just wanted to make you aware of the fact that you are extremely immature and annoying. You should probably work on that because many people can't stand to be around you. But, remember you are still awesome. And I appreciate you hard work. By the way, I love you and I believe in you.


3.  The priming before asking a favor-  Your friend, relative, distant acquaintance needs something. You have it or can do it. Before asking for the favor, they butter you up knowing that it increases the probability of  success.  Ex: "Kera you are amazing and so kind and generous. I wish I could be more like you. Could you possibly lend me your car?

Because I have more often experienced the term "affirmation" linked to one of the above scenarios than in the context of an authentic expression of a supportive community, I am an over analytical skeptic. I tend to be a resistant receiver of affirmation. Affirmation makes me uncomfortable. Why? Well, partly because I am admittedly insecure. Mostly, because I think our culture has lost the meaning behind the concept.

**A small caveat before my critics start attacking, I am not saying that an authentic attempt at affirmation cannot take place in an end of the year affirmation circle or during an affirmation sandwich or in the process of asking a favor.  [edit: in fact, I've had a few good experiences at end of  semester affirmations- I'll include at least one story in tomorrow's blog.] I am also not suggesting that people do not benefit from hearing affirming things in those scenarios. I am simply offering an alternative perspective. You might say I am offering a challenge to a greater affirming culture.

Perhaps it is best said this way: I would rather experience the adjective than use the verb any day. I pray that I am someone who is affirming, regardless of whether I ever openly use the label affirmation or consciously use the verb. Affirmation needs to be so much more than something we do on occasion; it needs to be a posture that we take, it needs to be an innate part of who we are. 

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,  not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:23-25

Looking at the original language of this passage: a more accurate translation would be "let us examine one another to stimulate/provoke love and good deeds.... calling out/exhorting/encouraging one another" The call here is to remind one another of the hope we possess in Christ, and to spur one another on towards being the people God called us to be. This passage has an underlying excitement in recalling the purpose of the Church community, and that excitement is what produces encouragement which leads to cultivating excitement and the will to persevere in the lives of others.

Yet, as you see, the encouraging is always done in the context of relationship, in the midst of community. It doesn't say set aside a time to tell each other nice things about one another; it says do not stop gathering together. It says when you gather together, think of ways to remind one another of the hope that you have in the Gospel and why it is important to continue loving and serving others. Affirmation becomes integrated into the culture, and it is expressed through the collective of a supportive community. 

So what does this look like? What does it mean to be an affirming community? Well, I think there are several practical ways that we can be encouraging to one another.  

Here are seven ways to be affirming, and some things that a skeptic would like you to consider.

1. Verbal Praise.  Yes, sometimes it is nice to hear a pep talk. Or to receive a little appreciation. My biggest peeves with verbal affirmations. They aren't often aren't specific enough: I get that you think I'm awesome, but why? They often have bad timing: see any of the aforementioned examples.  Too many verbal praises can create an aura of insincerity- stop telling me I did a good job if I did a mediocre job, tell me I did a good job when I actually do a good job. Words have power, use them wisely and effectively.


2. Gifts of Appreciation. Whether it be a card or something cool, giving a small token of appreciation is a good way to show someone that you care. My biggest issue with gifts: we wait until its obligatory instead of giving gifts of appreciation randomly just because. I'll be honest, I often forget birthdays and I am not big on holidays. Yet, it isn't uncommon for me to buy someone coffee or dinner or a book or a concert ticket or something I randomly see at the store that reminds me of them.... just because I like them.  Can't I just give gifts to special people as an encouragement to brighten an average day? The same can be said of acts of service- why do we do nice things because the situation demands it necessary as opposed to organically all the time? Quite frankly, I need that seemingly random email to see how I am way more than I need the happy birthday facebook message.


3. Quality time. Nice words or great gifts can never replace quality time. If you like me, show me you like me by making time for me. If  you are a friend, take the time to just hang out with me. If you are a mentor and you believe in me, take the time to help me grow.  The early church did things together, and support/encouragement comes from the context relationship.  As a wise friend of mine always says, you need to put into the quantity time to get the quality times. I think you need to put in the quantity time to be able to give quality affirmations as well. How can you encourage me to be who God called me to be if you haven't made the time to get to know me? 


4. Accountability. Dare I even mention this in a post on affirmation? Yes, I do because I think it is important. I find the most encouragement from those who are not afraid to correct me. Because I am a skeptic, I need to know that some wouldn't lie to me before I accept their praise. They need to be as willing to challenge me to grow and to correct me when I am wrong. Too often I think we over focus on affirmation by being nice to one another- over emphasizing the saying nice things and the giving of gifts- but we forget that part of exhorting people to be the best they can be is showing tough love and tough encouragement. Some of the most affirming moments in my life have been the moments when someone has cared enough to bravely say "Kera, I love you. You are being dumb... here is why... and I believe you can do better, because I know you and you are... [insert uplifting, truthful, prophetic things here]." Affirmation should not just be about making people feel good about themselves; it should always be about motivating people to go deeper in their faith- inspiring them to be excited about what God is doing, encouraging them to love and to serve Him with all that they are.  [Two quick caveats on accountability: A)  it is not easier to offer tough love in an affirmation sandwich. Be honest, and upfront. Show tough love with compassion, but don't try to diminish the negative effects by adding fluffy nice filler  because it does detract from what you are about to say and hinders the credibility of your praise. B) I focused primarily on receiving tough love, but asking someone to hold you accountable definitely is affirming to them as well.  Accountability requires relationship, and one way to affirm someone is to ask them to speak into your life. Give them permission to give you a little tough love or a needed pep talk.  And, keep them updated about both your achievements and shortcomings- they'll be encouraged as they celebrate with you and by the fact that you value their advice.]


5. Trust/Delegation. The biggest way you can show that you believe in someone is not by telling them how much you believe in them, but by showing them. If you want to affirm someone, give them an opportunity to be awesome. Don't simply tell them they sing well, ask them to come lead worship. Don't just say they write well, suggest that they put the gift into practice by contributing to your blog.  Simply saying I believe in your ability to lead isn't enough, you need to give people space to actually lead. One of the biggest affirmations in life is knowing someone trusts you to step up and put your giftings into practice. 


6. Prayer.  What and who you pray for is an indication of your priorities in life. If you want to be supportive of someone, pray for them. Ask Him to show you how to be encouraging because He comes up with better ideas than you ever could. And letting someone know you are praying for them , either with them or privately in your own time, is one of the greatest means of support you could ever give a person.


7. Bragging.  People always mock me because I tell stories using peoples' names. Within a short time of knowing me, you probably begin to feel like you know my closest friends even if you have never met them. I'll tell you how awesome they are and why I love them. I share specific stories, and get really excited about how fantastic God's plan is for their life. I'll tell you that my friend who is like my adoptive older sister is a great preacher and is destined to rock people's lives through exhortation, that my roommate is a fantastic musician who God is going to use in crazy ways to bring people into His presence, that one my best friends is this brilliant thinker with a incredible heart who is destined to spread hope overseas by meeting spiritual, physical and emotional needs of those longing for relief.... I can go on and on because there are so many people I love that you need to know about. Any time two of my unconnected friends meet for the first time, they already know how much I value the person they are encountering. Aren't you encouraged when you are introduced to someone new and they say "I have heard great things about you. Kera told me about.... " I know I am. If we are encouraging someone to their face, we need to be honoring the person in their absences as well.

All this to say, I don't actually dislike affirmation. I dislike that we can say "well I verbally affirmed you, isn't that's enough? ". The truth is that an momentary affirmation isn't enough. It doesn't make up for the fact that the Body of Christ is supposed to be a united organism that encourages one another continually to love, to serve, and to recall that we have a hope greater than our reality.

Some may argue that I am just nitpicking on semantics. Well, I kind of am....

Semantic Saturation- the phenomenon that occurs when a word becomes cognitively meaningless due to repetition.

For me, the word affirmation has a bit of semantic saturation attached [metaphorically/hyperbolically speaking]. It is used so often in Christian circles that it is beginning to lose its meaning.  We need to talk about affirmation less and simply be affirming more. Because without the presence of continual, supportive community, affirmation is just another obsolete buzzword.  And sadly, we often mistake using the buzzword for cultivating the concept.

All this to say, as a community of Christ.... we need to examine one another, to encourage one another to press onward, to stir excitement about what God is doing and has yet to do, to call out the gifts in one another life,  to help one another put those gifts into practice, to sincerely brag about the brothers and sisters God has blessed us with. Any way you look at, we are called to be supportive and that support comes from a trusting relationship. Trust is established through honesty, proximately, and consistency. Personally, the term affirmation and I often meet without those three factors at play, and thus the term sometimes causes a knee jerk reaction.

I do wish that I loved the terminology more, but I know I'm not the only one who finds themselves cringing  at the mention of the A word.  Despite my ill feelings and skeptic nature, I do wholeheartedly believe that we need to be more affirming people and to submit ourselves to the support of an affirming community. My prayer is that I can be a part of the culture change. That God would use me to as an authentically encouraging presence- speaking life into and cultivating enthusiasm in the lives of others.

Flames by "fir0002/flagstaffotos" via Wikicommons

As usual, God seemingly heard my ranting and offered me a response to last night's blog post. Okay, in all actuality, I don't think my personal frustrations had anything to do with today's chapel service- but I do know that God spoke to me through the message.

I'm currently in Virginia Beach for modular week at Regent University. And, the professor teaching my Revelation class had a double duty today as he shared a message at our midweek chapel. Speaking on 1 Thessalonians 5:19, Dr. Wilson exhorted us not to "put a lid on the Spirit's fire". 

Sharing the imagery of a camp fire being extinguished and anecdotes of successful ministers straying toward apostasy, Dr. Wilson reminded us that a once vibrant faith can be suppressed if we confine the Holy Spirit to operating within our own parameters. Specifically, he shared how an academic pursuit to know about God can replace knowing God. He discussed how denominations and ministries may hinder the Spirit through doctrine or practice- citing the Baptist mission board's stance against speaking in tongues and modern Pentecostalism's tendency to distance itself from spiritual gifts in order to become more culturally acceptable. He went on to explain how our infatuation with technology may also be hindering our ability to connect with the Spirit because of our hesitancy to unplug.

By no means was Dr. Wilson advocating an intentional focus on manifestations of the Spirit or attacking any denominations or suggesting we stop using our smart phones and laptops.... he was simply illustrating how easy it is to "put a lid" on the Spirit and the consequences doing so have on our own faith and the work of the Church.  The next verse in 1 Thessalonians 5 warns people not to prohibit prophetic utterances.

"...don't hinder charismatic manifestation. To despise prophecy [or speaking in tongues or any other work of the Spirit] is to despise the Holy Spirit" - Dr. Wilson, (paraphrased excerpt)

"Do not quench the Spirit." Quench, as Dr. Wilson noted, has lost some meaning in our culture due to popular advertising campaigns that use the verb (hint: thirst). We are prone to think that to refrain from quenching the Spirit means to not do something contrary to the Spirit... but Dr. Wilson rightly pointed out that this epistle is written to people who have already drank of the Spirit. They already know God, and the command is not to avoid making the Spirit angry. The command is to not suppress what the Spirit is doing, and to continue to seek complete sanctification, to cling to what is good, and to draw closer to God.

The problem is that we often seek to avoid doing something wrong, rather than seeking complete sanctification through the Holy Spirit (v. 23). We seek a myriad of other things: a degree, acquired knowledge, denominational credentials, approval from our superiors, respect from our friends/families, success, a sense of being updated through social media and the interwebs... the list goes on and on.

Rather than being continually open to what the Spirit is doing and actively seeking to be increasingly aligned with His heart, we too often are defined by our circumstances and our own pursuits (many times even in the name of God), and so we stifle the Spirit and place our parameters above God's plans. As one of my classmates stated earlier today during his presentation, "putting anything above God is a form of apostasy. As harsh as that sounds and as much as we don't want to hear it, it's true."

Even as I type this, I want to refute his claim. I want to say "no, that's idolatry, NOT apostasy".  Why? Because idolatry I can live with, I can repent from and move onward.  Apostasy suggests renouncing one's faith and abandoning God. Idolatry is just putting something ahead of God momentarily, it isn't abandoning faith..... or wait, it is abandoning God in the moment for something we perceive to be more important or valuable, isn't it?

To put the Spirit in our  own box is to place our view of God above His own image. This is idolatry, and it is quenching the Spirit. To despise what the Spirit is doing or what He could possibly do is despising the Spirit Himself. And, to despise God by temporarily abandoning the Spirit by putting a lid on Him because our circumstances seemingly deem it necessary... that is a way of actively standing against our Lord. 

With all that said, and granted I am speaking through reflective analysis not through any sort of exegesis at the moment, I once again confess that I am guilty as charged. I have quenched the Spirit in favor of my own parameters and my own pursuits. Even in the few hours since hearing this message, I have made the same mistake. And as I type this, I find myself wondering: "Is it even possible not to quench the Spirit? Will there every be a day when I, a sinner, stop renouncing my God through my thoughts, words and deeds?" As I recall the depraved condition of my own heart, I am also reminded of the character of the God that I serve and therefore I have hope. His Spirit lives in me, and He continues to refine me.

As Paul writes to the Thessalonians just a few verses later: "God will make this happen, for he who calls you is faithful." (1 Thes. 5:24- NLT). Amen. Lord, please make it happen... thank you for being faithful, thank you for for not giving up on me- even when I fall short in the same ways repeatedly. Help me to not quench your Spirit, help me to seek complete sanctification, and help me to glorify your name in every situation and circumstance. Holy Spirit, please ignite my life and let your fire burn in any way you please...

"Yes, the perfect movie to watch!" I doubt that everyone will immediately share my enthusiasm about a documentary involving land seizures in Zimbabwe, but needless to say, I was quite excited to see Mugabe and the White African pop up in my Netflix instant watch.

Since researching Zimbabwean politics for a paper on illiberal democracies, I have intentionally kept up to date with current events and have kept the people of Zimbabwe in my prayers. Knowing a bit about Mugabe, I expected the documentary to appeal to themes of justice while exposing the heinous crimes of an corrupt political regime. But, I was admittedly surprised to see how clearly and prominently themes of biblical justice and faith were highlighted in this film. It is definitely a must see for any Christian interested in social justice or international relations.

For those who may not know, allow me to briefly provide some context: Robert Mugabe has served as Prime Minister/President for over thirty years- declaring himself "president for life" in 2006. His party ZANU-PF is known for political violence, unfair elections, corrupt economic policies, and human rights violations.  In 2000, Mugabe's regime began a land redistribution program, promoted as an initiative to reallocate  the land owned by the minority white farmers to the majority poor black population. In all actuality, it was redistributed to political allies of ZANU-PF.  In the years following, there has been widespread hunger, hyperinflation, job loss, and increasing political violence.  [Disclaimer: this is obviously an incomplete summary; here is a good place to start for a more comprehensive history]


Back to the documentary...

"In 2008, Mike, 75 years old and a grandfather... took the unprecedented step of challenging Robert Mugabe before the SADC (South African Development Community) international court, charging him and his government with racial discrimination and of violations of Human Rights.

This film is an intimate account of one family's astonishing bravery in the face of brutality, in a fight to protect their property, their livelihood and their country...

On the brink of losing everything, Mike and his family (wife Angela, daughter Laura and her husband Ben Freeth) stand united by their courage, their faith and their hope... Whatever the verdict by the court, this audacious and unprecedented stand may yet cost them their lives." - excerpts from the summary on the film's website

Despite the threats and odds against them, the family fights for justice believing that God is directing them in this pursuit.  The cameras document them asking workers to pray for the court cases, reading their Bibles, and talking about God's presence being with them. All this to say, it is obvious that faith is important in their daily lives.

When Mike,  Angela, and Ben are kidnapped, beaten, and tortured... amazingly they seem to maintain their faith, their livelihood, and their sense of calling. Laura talks of interceding for her dad, mom, and husband-- truly believing that God heard her prayer and saved their lives. A week later, Ben travels to the international tribunal to continue the case. During an interview, he says that he has no bitterness and no hatred toward his attackers. He simply smiles and says that he has only love, and that love is exactly what the country needs.

Their story is heartbreaking, inspiring, and convicting. I find myself asking: What would I do if I were in their shoes? Would I persist in prayer,  the pursuit of justice, and kindness to others in the face of adversity? Would I be able to smile and say I love men who literally almost beat me to death?

The truth is that I don't know that I would. Honestly, I know that I don't show that level of faith in my own daily life. And, the thing is that my life has never been on the line- the only thing under the threat of dying is my pride, my security, and my reputation.

The Campbell family was faithful in the little things like the everyday running of their farm, and faithful in the huge things like international court tribunals. I have little doubt that God will look upon their lives and say "well done good and faithful servants". My prayer is that God will continue to work on me and enable me to live a life worthy of the same affirmation.

Even more importantly, my prayers are with the people of Zimbabwe who are still facing injustice. Just today, the news reports that ZANU-PF supporters have evicted children from an orphanage. Even more disturbing is the fact that the supporter responsible is an excommunicated Anglican bishop...

I digress... bottom line: you should watch the film. [Update: Full film is available to stream for free on PBS- there you have no excuse, watch it.]

Last week was action packed. With a 5.9 earthquake, the remnants of a hurricane, and the welcoming of 1,500+ freshmen to AU, there was plenty of excitement to go around. Unfortunately that excitement can easily become an unnecessary hype.

According to Webster's, to hype is "to publicize extravagantly". 

My grandmother left me a message crying hysterically because she heard on the news that the District had a major earthquake. My experience was thirty seconds of moderate shaking and no fear whatsoever. The news reports seemed to be a little hyped.

Saturday afternoon, every grocery store was out of milk, water, and batteries. Rumors circulated that the city might be issued a curfew. Students were warned not to travel between dorm room floors. A bad tropical rainstorm was treated like an apocalyptic event. The local response seemed to be a little hyped.

As freshman flooded AU's campus, they were told that through the next four years they are going to become "wonks" in their field. The word means to know forward and backward, to be an expert. The branding is a part of a  new marketing campaign. How can four years of education- much of which is general and basic- make someone an expert? Furthermore, the marketing campaign makes it seem like students/alumni are proud to be called wonks when they actually hate the branding. Apparently, the university wonks don't know their students forward and backward either. The campaign seems to be a little hyped.

At the end of the day, what advantage does a little  hype have? Whether it is exaggerating weather or exaggerating wonkiness, what benefit does it have to extravagantly publicize anything? Couldn't one just report the facts and allow the facts to speak for themselves? A 5.9 earthquake is still huge, a tropical storm is still devastating, and a four year education at a prestigious institute is still appealing and honorable.

Hype is absolutely unnecessary. Take the hurricane for example. I know that the storm was tragic. I know that at the moment the death count is over forty people, that hundreds of thousands are still without power, and the cost of damage is in the billions of dollars. Those facts are startling and devastating on their own, and they don't need any extravagant media hype to validate them.  But, Irene will be remembered in my area has the hurricane that wasn't instead of the storm that flooded the northeast because hype tends to ring louder than the truth and when hype disappoints, the truth is sadly overlooked. 

Why am I mentioning this now? And why would I even put these three things in the same category? Well, funnily enough, I did find a cartoon linking the earthquake, the hurricane and wonk campaign.... 

(click here to view)

Nate Beeler Washington ExaminerAug 28, 2011 EditorialCartoonists.com

(The cartoon artist is an AU alumni whose work inspired the wonk campaign).

On a more serious note, through the odd combination of these things, I was personally reminded that hype has no advantage. It doesn't matter whether you are talking about life changing moments that rocked your world  or tragic disasters that flooded your life or skills you have required over the years... regardless of the subject, there is no need to hype up the the truth. Your earthquakes still will be viewed as monumental, your storms will still be viewed as periods of immense distress, and your abilities and accomplishments will still be appreciated. But, if you choose to hype things up, when the truth is uncovered and the exaggerations are revealed, you end up losing more credibility than the attention you gained by being unnecessarily extravagant in the first place. 

This picture has little to do with this post, but it does show people dancing. Yay, Ibiza pictures.

"DANCE. "

"Come again?"

"Are you guys representing Christ on campus? Because if you are dancing like that is wrong. It's your sin crucifying Christ again. I've been watching you and as a Christian, I felt I needed to tell you that. You cannot be a light in this place and do that.... "

I'll spare you the rest of the conversation in exchange for a little bit of context. It's Welcome Week at American University- aka our busiest week of the year. The campus ministry that I work for is out and about welcoming students to their new home and trying to bless them through free stuff and fun times. Every year, the university throws a big outdoor party called Quad After Dark, complete with inflatables, a dj, food, prizes, and so on.

While working our table at the event, some of the student leaders and staff of our ministry thought it would be fun to attempt to start a dance party. After all, there was a dj and absolutely no one dancing. To keep the story short, we did attempt, but it didn't catch on. [There is an embarrassing video somewhere.]  We joined a later cohort that tried again to start a dance party, but alas that fizzled out too.

Later in the night, the dj started playing some hip hop and a small crowd started dancing. At this point, we decided that the dance party wasn't our thing. The dancing was a little too inappropriate and we were too tired. At this point, one of our student leaders took a step back from the group and jokingly "got low" when "Low" came on.

And, then the lovely man running one of the inflatables approached us and kindly offered his opinions of our behaviour. At which point, we began a lovely discussion that lasted only a few minutes, but has taught me much. After having reflected on it, here are the things I will remember about our brief encounter.

• Jesus save me from your followers still applies. Part of the reason Jesus isn't appealing to our generation is the fact that His followers like to be judgmental rather than loving. Granted we've all been there, but at the end of the day, the notion that people like Jesus, but not His Church still applies... and it is a reality that we must consider and overcome.
• Christians need to remember that Jesus is no longer on the cross.  My sins, even if dancing is included (but you should already know my thoughts on this one), will not re-crucify Him. He was already crucified, and He does not hang there in bloody agony longer because I sin today. He has already paid the price, and the joy of the Gospel is not only the atonement, but also the resurrection. Jesus is alive; He reigns. The hope is knowing that this broken life and this broken world are being restored because Jesus is alive, active, and returning again.
• I think that hope is worth dancing and celebration. Jesus would have danced. I truly believe that. God created dance and music, and He desires to restore it to a place of worship. God can be encountered in "secular" music and in clubs and wherever we look for Him. I think Jesus would have smiled at our attempts to start a dance party.
• Coming in an opposite spirit does not mean retreating and isolating yourself in a Christian bubble. The inflatable dude and I had something in common, and if he wouldn't have sent me a little defensive by attacking the character of one of our student leaders, we may have had a deeper discussion regarding this. At the end of the day, neither of us like obscene lyrics. Part of his argument was that Jesus doesn't approve of the song or inappropriate dancing. I agree that the lyrics are horrible; in fact, I said that two minutes before he confronted us. My approach is that horrible lyrics mean amplifying the prayer and the worship. His approach is that horrible lyrics necessitate evacuating the premise. I also agree that grinding is not the way to dance, but rather than not dance, I believe that we can dance as worship. I can see his argument, but I can't see how it advances the Kingdom. I understand not supporting obscene music- I have very rarely invested money directly into purchasing songs or buying tickets for artists that are extremely crude. I understand not feeding the demand, but I don't understand how it is wrong to call out the good and to show a different Spirit filled approach to the celebration.
• Hypocrisy is dangerous, and so are assumptions. The guy was lecturing us while working for the company that employed the dj. So it's not okay to dance at a free event because of the music, but it is okay to make a living by exposing people to that sort of entertainment?  Furthermore, he assumed that intentions of someone he didn't know. The moral is that asking questions is way better than confronting someone with assumptions. A simple question "why are you dancing?" would have been a lot more conversation provoking than a correction. 

A final thought, I think it is important for me to mention and to admit that I personally could have handled the conversation a little better. In retrospect, I think I would have done a better job simply saying that I thought there was a bit of a misunderstanding and moving onward. I should have thanked him for his concern, briefly shared why I didn't think dancing was a problem when he asked, reiterated that I loved Jesus, and just moved on with a blessing and a smile.

Overall, I am grateful the conversation. And, grateful that I serve a creative God that loves music and dancing and fun. My prayer is that God will continue to push me outside of my comfort zone- in ways like starting a dance party- to help invite others into the celebration of knowing the hope of Christ.

It's a weird picture, but there it is...

I may have posted this song before, but it resonates too much with what I am learning right now to not share it again.

No matter what ministry or community we are a part of or what we do with our lives , unless the Lord is at the center of our work, it is meaningless. Our prayers and songs are just words, our charitable acts are no different than any other organizations, our religious services are just another meeting... as the teacher in Ecclesiastes declares:  “Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.”

"Unless the LORD builds the house,
   the builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
   the guards stand watch in vain." - Psalm 127:1

If I am not at a place where the hope of the Cross is central to everything in my life, then my life is just passing moments. I know that Jesus dwells amongst us, but am I continuing to invite Him to be the all-encompassing center of my life?  Am I willing to truly pray that lyric: May the vision of You be the death of me? Am I willing to become less so that Jesus can be greater in my life? 

1. Lack of financial provision/resources.
2. Lack of adequate experience/professional development.
3. Lack of strength/stamina needed to serve with excellence. 
4. Lack of [insert something else here because the list goes on....]

A few of my close friends have recently expressed their concern with what is lacking in my life. Since the semester ended, I have been working on raising support to spend another year doing campus ministry. And I have to admit, with a little over one third of my budget raised and my two month departure from the States just a week away, I was a little concerned too. 

I hit a point last week when I just needed to pause what I was doing and start seeking God more intently. I realized that I was strategically thinking about how to overcome what is seemingly lacking instead of trusting God to guide me to what He has promised me: another year investing in the lives of college students at my alma mater.

I set aside two days to do nothing but pray, process and seek God's guidance. During that time, one of my Facebook friends posted this excerpt from a sermon by Francis Chan.


I went on to listen to both sermons in this series called "Fearless".  Wow, two hours of straight truth. If you want a challenge and encouragement, listen to these messages. His major point is derived from Psalm 23: The Lord is my shepherd, I lack not, and I will not fear because God is with me.

Any concern I have about what I seemingly lack shows a distrust in God and His ability to shepherd. As I confront the reality that I have spent the last few weeks living from a place of fear, I am humbly reminded of one of my favorite scriptures:

"Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom." - Luke 12:32

 (I am also reminded of that scene in Donnie Darko where the gym teacher is talking about the lifeline of fear versus love, and then I laugh at myself and move forward...)

Any way you look at it, were are not supposed to live out of a place of fear regarding what we lack because everything we need has already been provided by a loving God.

" For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:17

Hmm,  maybe that crazy teacher in the film did have something right: an understanding of Love is the opposite of a life of fear  (1 John 4:18). [Though, reverence and fear of God are the beginning of wisdom.. but holy fear is another topic all together.]  I'm grateful for the reminder that the Lord is my shepherd, He will never leave me, and because of His love...

"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the LORD. Forever." Psalm 23:6

Now back to regularly scheduled programming- another week of support raising. I trust that God will be with me and everything will work out one way or another. In the meanwhile, I am adopting one of our church's core values -that someone kindly reminded me of recently- as a personal support raising mantra.

"Work like it depends on you, pray like it depends on God." -  Pastor Mark Batterson.

In December, I got my lip pierced. In February, I had to change the lip ring to a bigger size to help it heal.  Yesterday, I decided it was healed enough to change out the rings and move back to the smaller one.

So, I took the bead out of the ring. Then, for whatever reason, decided that I would wait to change the ring to the smaller size. As I attempted to put the bead back in, I lost it. I then drove to the piercer, got another bead. When I got home, I discovered that bead was too large for the ring. Out of fear of losing the piercing in my sleep, I decided that I would use the bead from the smaller ring temporarily until the next day when I could visit the piercing shop.

I popped the bead in, and it was in place, but seemed loose. I attempted to apply a little bit of pressure to hold it in place. And... well, the bead popped out and this is what happened...

Outside of my apartment I can hear the cheers of crowds, the car horns blasting in celebration.... on the screen in front of me there are dozens of status updates and tweets- inviting everyone to party in front of the White House, rejoicing in a man's eternity in hell, and championing the American dream.

While I commend the U.S. intelligence officers for completing their mission and send my condolences to all of the families who lost loved ones at the hands of this evil man, I cannot and will not rejoice in death regardless of how great the evil committed. 

Eliminating one man does not eliminate evil. It eliminates one man. It may stir hope in millions of people and fury in hundreds of others. And the cycle continues. There are others who commit evil and who celebrate death of innocents. The man who was killed today was far from innocent, but by celebrating his death where exactly are we placing our hope? If our hope is in bullets and missiles and destruction, how are we any different than the evil we fight against? 

"Have I any pleasure in the death of the wicked, declares the Lord God, and not rather he should turn from his way and live?" - Ezekiel 18:23

My hope is not in dead bodies; my hope is life greater than evil. There is a party in the streets to rejoice in death, instead of prayer for  peace.

From a bird's eye view, the celebration here looks very similar to our enemies' celebration when they kill those they find threatening. Instead of rejoicing tonight, I am praying tonight.

Praying for our brothers and sisters around the world who are still in harms way. Our celebration may be the very fuel that fires bullets in their direction. May God's peace transcend the chaos.


-------------

Edit: Also check out my roommate's thoughts at her blog. Here's a sample: "What I do find wonder in is the fact that one man’s death can redeem our planet. " It's worth reading.... click here.

It's Easter. I've heard the story dozens of times, but today there is a verse of scripture haunting me like it never has before.

 ^"He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?" - John 20:15

 Today was a fantastic day. I have an amazing friend visiting from overseas, I have amazing roommates, we had an amazing time feeding forty college students dinner... and most importantly, we celebrated the amazing resurrection of an awesome God. Perfect day.

Except... today has involved a bit of crying. I cried this morning at church, I cried after talking to my family, I cried listening to my roommate sing a song about today, and I just cried after everyone went to bed. They aren't tears of sadness or tears of joy; they're just tears.

And, all day, I believe that God has been asking me "woman, why are you crying? who is it you are looking for?".  Good question. One that I could not sufficiently answer.

As I pondered that question, I was reminded of how Mary responded. She was looking for her Lord. He seemed dead and distant from her. He had both relationally and physically disappeared from her life. Not only was Jesus dead, but his body wasn't even in sight. If she knew where he was, she would have went after Him, but the situation seemed hopeless because she had no direction.

Here was Jesus, posing the question. "Why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?". He was right in front of her, yet she did not recognize Him until He called her name. It is interesting to note that He didn't call her name until she stated why she was downcast and expressed a desire to find Him.

The Lord is asking, "Woman, why are you crying?". And, I am reminded who it is that I am looking for and who it is that I serve. If He is Risen, and He has Risen indeed, why am I crying?

Often times, I think we live life perpetually through the eyes of Mary at the beginning of the day. I find myself weeping because my Lord is not here, weeping because they persecuted Him, weeping because I don't understand how God will be glorified through dismal circumstances, weeping because I know that Jesus died with me in mind. and I have no idea of where to find Him.  We have a tendency to leave Jesus crucified and buried and seemingly missing from our present circumstances.

The Good News is that Jesus isn't in the tomb. He isn't missing. He is risen! He rose from the grave, He ascended into heaven, and He will come again. The Good News is that He is the first fruits of new life, and that the Spirit that rose Christ from the dead lives in each who believe in Him. He is alive and everything is possible through Him; we do not have to weep because He is here with us, gently calling our name like He called Mary's on that morning.

Which brings me back to the question: "Why am I crying?" I have tunnel vision. I'm too focused on the cross and  consequently I'm missing Jesus standing right in front of me. I leave Christ buried while sobbing to find Him.  The truth is that even in the most dismal and confusing of circumstances, He is Risen and is right here.  He is already speaking even in moments when I do not recognize His voice, and if I continue to look for Him with intention, He will continue to call my name. 

He is risen. He is Risen indeed. Alleluia.

I hate manuscripts. I don't speak well from them. They make me nervous. They draw out my speech impediments and my accent, and they hinder my ability to recall information because of my semi-photographic memory. I would much rather speak on the fly or from a brief outline than write out all of my thoughts. In fact, I am generally very adamant that I cannot and will not speak if I have to script out my words.

With that in mind, last night I spoke at our worship service. My message was on Romans 7, and as I shared my thoughts on why our attempt at perfectionism is a futile endeavor, the stand in front of me held both my standard outline and script of a thirty minute message. I would love to tell you that I spoke mainly from the outline, extemporaneously, animated, and in typical Kera fashion.

The truth is I didn't. I didn't read it verbatim, but I used the manuscript. I stumbled at places, my accent was thicker than normal, and quite frankly, it wasn't up to par with my public speaking capabilities because I didn't speak in Kera style.... 

However, I do think I shared what I was supposed to say, used the examples I was supposed to use, and asked the questions I was supposed to ask. I have a peace about last night which is more than I can say about the last time I spoke. After hours upon hours of tackling a difficult passage in study and prayer, I knew I had to script it out more like an essay of understanding and revelation than a verbal sharing of insight and teaching from experience. 

I can easily become prideful when it comes to my communication ability, but last night I was humbled. Not because I failed to stay true to my style, but because I finally realized that my life has little to do with me. It's all about sharing the message given to me and alive within me. Sometimes that will mean praying about how to articulate it and writing it out, sometimes it will mean speaking on the fly as the words come to mind.... regardless, it isn't about me or my style or my message. It's all about God and what He wants to say through me. 

I must confess that I normally am a bit judgmental of those who speak or preach from a manuscript. I have always seen it as a lesser form of public speaking, and because I can throw together an impromptu speech with confidence, I have always seen myself a bit above those who cannot do so. Last night, I gained some respect for those who use manuscripts and was reminded that the style isn't as important as the willingness to share. 

I don't think that manuscripts will be making regular appearances in my life, simply because I am a better speaker semi-extemporaneously than I am scripted.  Even so, I know that I will think twice before making generalizations about what I will or will not do and before judging those who are stylistically different then me. It isn't about what we do or how we do it; it's about why we do it and who we do it for...

I'm grateful that God uses me, whether in my element or not, whether at my best or at my worst... if I'm willing, He'll use me somehow for His glory. And, I'm continually reminded that this life I live has very little to do with me. 

I hate quitting, yet I find that often times I need to in order to continue to move forward. Here are two things that I decided to quit since the last time I blogged.

1. Daniel fasting for Lent... no really. I love the idea of fasting, but I do not think this particular fast is serving its purposes. I have been sick most days since starting it, and I think my body is starting to breakdown my muscles because it is not getting the essential complete proteins. My goal is not to develop a dependency on supplements to eat according to a fad fast, but rather to begin a healthier lifestyle. Instead of this particular fast, here are some new goals: fast one day a week, get to the gym to workout at least three days a week, drink more water, spend less money eating out, and begin watching my caloric intake and being aware of what nutrients I am getting from my food choices. The Daniel Fast was a great detox, but I think the 10 day program is plenty to achieve that effect... and it is in my experience that a water/juice fast works better. 
2. My part-time job.... I have needed the supplemental income- and if I am honest I still do, but I cannot handle the stress and time commitment right now. I was planning on quitting in May, but when I looked at my calendar, I realized that I cannot be faithful to all of my commitments while attempting to double my support in the next two months. In order to work towards being fully funded next year, I am going to need to give up the security of having the money to cover things in exchange for the time that I need to really revisit the support raising process.

God is moving on this campus and in my own life, and I have been slightly reluctant to dive into what He is doing. I need to be fully centered in Him and fully willing to obey His word and His will. So, here's to a fresh commitment to be all in... [there will be future posts regarding this soon].  If you could keep me in your prayers through these transitions, I would greatly appreciate it.

"You know Him!!"  The audio from the streaming sermon echoed through the room.  It's title was "Magnifying the Holy Spirit", and the preacher kept saying over and over again, "You know Him. You know God!"

Dumbfounded, I thought, "You're right. I know Him".  Why do I often I forget that?

The sermon was recorded in September and never mentions the nativity, but isn't this what Christmas is all about? Knowing Him. Knowing a Messiah that loved us enough to become Emmanuel God with us. Who loved us enough to live a model human life and then sacrifice himself on a cross for us. Who loved us enough to leave the Earth so that He could give us His Holy Spirit and His Church could continue His incarnational ministry? 

This Christmas, I am reminded that I know Him, that I have seen His love, and my responsibility and privilege is to make Him known by sharing His love during my time in this crazy world. 

" Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.  This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.  This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.  Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. "1 John 4: 7-16.

I have been meditating on one question for the last few days. Before I share the question, allow me to provide one sentence of context: while I don't regret it, I wouldn't get my lip pierced again.  With that said, this is what keep asking myself:

If a little shard of metal in my lip is this uncomfortable, how much more uncomfortable would it be to be impaled with spikes through my wrists and feet, nailing me to a cross?

"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. " Isaiah 53:5

I sometimes wonder if Jesus would die on the cross again after experiencing the pain of crucifixion and the pain of awaiting His return for over two millennium.  The answer is simple. Absolutely, He knew exactly what He was doing and knew it would be totally worth it because He sees the beauty beyond the healing.


updated: It has been brought to my attention that this post may sound like I got the piercing in order to experience pain or that the pain may be a direct way of relating to Christ. Neither sentiment was my intention. This isn't about self mutilation in order to relate to the cross or directly comparing my pain to Jesus' suffering. I did not get the piercing for those reasons, and you can read my previous post to read why I did get it. The simple fact of the matter is whenever I experience pain, I remember the suffering of Jesus on the cross for me. And this current lip discomfort oddly enough has had me reflecting upon the crucifixion quite often.

Admittedly, I first wanted to get my lip pierced because it looked cool. Then, I wanted to get it done because I knew it would challenge my conservative friends to interact with those who choose to embrace counterculture staples like body art and because I knew it would be a great conversation point when talking with non-Christians.  More recently, I have been contemplating getting a lip piercing for symbolic reasons. A prayerful consideration of the symbolic nature of piercings is the main factor leading me to go through with the piercing later today.  I know that many will simply see this post as a spiritual justification of an impulsive decision, but I have truly thought and prayed through this, so I wanted to share my perspective.

"But if he says to you, ‘I will not go out from you,’ because he loves you and your household, since he is well-off with you, then you shall take an awl, and put it through his ear into the door, and he shall be your slave forever. And to your female slave you shall do the same. " - Deuteronomy 15:16-17. 

Piercings in ancient times were a symbol of slavery. An earring and its placement indicated that the individual's life had belonged to another. This passage from Deuteronomy instructs master's to pierce their servants if the servant chooses to remain in the master's household after the sabbatical year.  This was to be the choice of the servant, as an indication of devotion to his master. He could either go free or choose to fully commit to the household by publicly marking himself.

Too often this year, I have forgotten my master. I feel like I am in a critical year and season of life. This is the sabbatical semester. Though I have been doing much, I don't feel that I have been learning much or growing much. My faith has been rather complacent, and that is unacceptable. I feel like at the moment God has granted me a bit of a release-some time to really evaluate my life and to determine if I truly want to belong to His household and truly partake in the work of His ministry. This semester has not been one of radical faith, but rather of going through the motions. My devotional life has been sketchy, my prayer life isn't as solid as it should be, and my work has been leisurely. As the semester ends, I feel like the Lord has presented a choice before me. I can either release myself to make due with what He has given me thus far or fully commit to a radical faith of radical service to His household. I fully believe that He already knows what I will choose.

I will choose Him. I will choose to remain enslaved to His purpose. Though that is my desire, I often forget to whom I belong. I often forget that I am the servant of the Lord, and my sole goal in life is to build His house.  My confession is that I know that I have made many mistakes lately, and I have failed to repent time and time again. My confession is that I am too weak to remember to whom I belong. In my weakness, I choose to publicly mark myself and declare my loyalty to my master.

Like the slaves of yesteryear, I choose to pierce my body as a sign of submission. The traditional placement was the ear. I already have my ears pierced, and I feel this marking is meant for the part of my body that's more directly associated with both my giftings and mishaps. I am meant to be a mouthpiece for the Gospel, but out of my mouth often comes excuses, painful words, hyperbole, and language that disgraces the Gospel. At the same time, I refrain from speaking forth Truth, from correcting sin, from sharing prophetic insight, from building up other with words of encouragement, and from praising my Lord and interceding for His work. My greatest strength and biggest weakness is simultaneously communication, and the status quo needs to change.

Until I learn to whom I belong and how to serve Him in this area, I will never be truly effective in doing God's work. I am in a temporary season of preparation- a season of life that will span several years as God develops my character and skill set. While in this season, remembering with humility that I serve the Lord is crucial. When I exit this season of life, I hope that the lesson that I am willingly a servant to the King is so ingrained in my heart, mind and soul that I don't need the physical representation of a piercing to recall my loyalty. And so, I mark myself temporarily during this season of life, as a strong reminder of His ownership in my weakest moments.

This afternoon, I plan to get my lip pierced- a small silver ring, right in the center of my bottom lip. Every time I speak, eat, or quiver... I will remember to whom I belong. Every time I look in the mirror or someone stares at me, I will remember that I am not my own. I am destined to be a "mouthpiece of the Gospel" and so I am marked. When my life represents my calling without explanations because the fruit of it speaks for itself, then the ring will no longer be necessary. For now though, I am marking myself.  I choose to devote my life to His household. I choose to turn away the notion of release and fully commit myself to God.

"In the last place, I want to bore your ear. Do you mean to be bound for life? Christians, do you really mean it? Come, sit down and count the cost and, if you mean it, come and welcome! There is the standard! The blood-red Cross waves at the top of it—will you now, in cool blood, enlist for life? Every man who wishes to desert may go home. Christwants no press men. Ho, you volunteers! Come here! We want you and none but you! The Lord desires no slaves to dishonor His camp. Cowards, you may go! Double-minded men, you may get to your tents! But what do you say, you true Believers? Will you cleave to Him and His cause? Do you leap forward and say, “Never can we separate from Jesus! We give ourselves to Him for life, for death, for time, and for eternity. We are His altogether and forever”? Come, then, and have your ears bored." - excerpt from a sermon by Charles Spurgeon

 So then why the lip and not another ear piercing?

Lastly, I want you to notice that when the ear was bored, it was bored to the doorpost in the presence of the judges. It was not done in secret in some back room! It was done in public with witnesses present. If this man is going to devote himself to his master, he must be brought right out to the doorpost. “Now then, your ear, Sir. The awl must be driven right through it in the presence of spectators.” And I think consecration to Christ is not a thing to be done in secret. You who love the Lord Jesus Christ—acknowledge it! If you are His servants, wear His livery. If you are His servants, come out and profess to be so! Have your ears bored to the very doorpost, publicly, and openly avow yourselves to be on the Lord’s side. He asks it and it is no more than He deserves! “He that confesses Me before men,” He says, “Him also will I confess before My Father who is in Heaven.”" - another Spurgeon sermon.

The piercing was public. It was not a common place adornment, but a radical decision to choose to remain bonded to a master out of love for his household. If only for myself, I'm piercing my lip to mark a re-commitment to God and His purposes. This is perhaps the most controversial statement I'll make since the post about my tattoo, but I truly believe that God wants me to get my lip pierced.  Strange, but true; and if it isn't, may He reveal it to me and the piercing will be removed.