"He felt that his whole life was some kind of a dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it" - Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

These last few weeks have been a surreal blur, and sometimes I am convinced that I will wake up, unplug from the Matrix and have an epiphany that life is just a dream. Last Thursday, I preached my first sermon. Twenty-four hours later, I left for Spain and returned late last night. My body is a little confused about the time of day, and I am a little confused about life in general.

It is no coincidence that I had the opportunity to preach right before I departed for a week in Spain. Preaching was  intimidating, but something that I knew that God could use me well in if I surrendered the opportunity fully to him. I did, and I believe that He spoke through me. I was satisfied with the experience, and felt refreshed that perhaps maybe I am following God down the right path in life. My heart was humbled and encouraged by the experience. And, I needed that affirmation before going to Spain.

God built me up with the preaching experience, but torn me down in Europe. I absolutely loved Granada, loved the people, and loved working with the Church there. However, what I did not love is what I learned about myself. I learned that I am extremely insecure, that I still have major trust issues, that I have open foot holes that I just invite Satan to play in, that I am not as spiritually solid as I would like to be, and that I need to make a lot of changes in my life and worldview in order to be a better Christ ambassador. Spain was not an exhilarating high for me, but rather a time to reflect and to notice where transformation is needed.

With language and cultural barriers hindering the talkative extrovert from engaging as much as she would like, I found myself reflecting and praying and thinking often. All of which are sometimes bad for my health. I do not like the stillness because it brings things to the surface. But now that issues have emerged,  God and I have some work to do before I transition into this next season of life.

I praise God for these painful revelations. I am grateful for this experience, and I will be forever changed because of it. God is good, way too good to me. Granada and my friends there will remain in thought and prayer. I hope to one day return for a visit with better Spanish speaking capabilities in tact. But until then, I will remember this experience as the week that ripped open my heart to reveal that there is so much learning, growing, and transforming yet to be done in my life.