It has been a long time since I have written in here... I went to Mexico. That was good times. As much as I wish this post was about Mexico and good times, it isn't. It is more about me falling apart. I want my identity back. Yes, I want my identity back. I want to be Kera again. The problem with that is that in order to achieve that, I have been falling back into old habits and old thought patterns. I am sick of this identity being God thing, which means that I am clearly headed in the wrong direction. I was trying so hard to God center my life that I have now began to rebel against a God-centered life. It's hard to explain, and even harder to understand. Essentially, I am trying to stop myself from crashing and it is taking a toll on me. I know my thoughts and actions aren't correct, but it's hard to keep from falling into the trap of being me and only depending on myself again. I'm trying... but.. eh I'm not sure of what I want.

Part of me wants me... part of me wants God.. I'm sure the two could coexist, but I am afraid of what that looks like because the former must change if I truly focus on the latter...

Perhaps Montana is the route to go.. but part of me wants home.. because the devil you know is better than the devil you don't.... and I'm not sure I know or want to know the true essence of who I am.