I like to think that I am an enigma. I am puzzle. I spent every moment of everyday trying to figure myself out, trying to solve this mystery of who I really am. The truth is that I spend more time trying to make myself an enigma than I do trying to uncover my life. Being enigmatic is easy. It implies that there is a searching process. It keeps me preoccupied with seeking, and distracts me from finding. The truth is that I'm not very enigmatic, I'm kinda simple. I love God. I want to follow Him.

At least it seems simple enough, yet I keep making it more complicated than it needs to be. I keep trying to shape myself rather than allowing Him to be the author of my life. I surrender, I give up.

"All I want is You to have Your way
You are the Potter and I am the clay
All I need is You to have Your way
You are Creator and I'm what You've made
Finally I Surrender
You are God I am man"

My life is slowly falling apart.... and i'm clinging to the pieces instead of clinging to You.

"I have read about the days of old
About the men who followed You
And how they saw the supernatural
And became the chosen few

So I come before You now
Tearing off my earthly crowns
For this one thing I have found

I want a faith like that
To see the dead rise or to see You pass by, oh, I
I want a faith like that
Whatever the cost, I'll suffer the loss, oh, I
I want a faith like that

I'm not looking for a miracle
Signs and wonders or things thereof

I caught a glimpse of what You want for me
And what I have is not enough

I read the story one more time
Of those who gave to You their lives
With no fear or compromise

I want a faith that can move any mountain
And send them to the seas
I want a faith that can break every stronghold
That keeps You, that keeps from me

And I want a faith like that
To see the dead rise or to see You pass by, oh, I

I want a faith like that
A faith like that"

Warning in advance, this blog entry will be a bit sporadic and its content will not do the subject manner justice.

As the semester ended, I knew that this break would once again change my life. I had no doubt that there was a possibility that I would encounter God at World Missions Summit and the Luke 18 Conference.. and that it would somehow change my life. I had expectations, but as always God is bigger and better than I could ever imagine.

World Missions Summit solidified the idea that I will probably be entering occupational ministry. I committed to serving as a missionary for at least a year.... probably as a CMA with a Chi Alpha or Students for Christ. While the response to that particular alter call wasn't surprising, the other things that learned at WMS were. I felt my heart being tugged by the thoughts of consecration- of setting my life apart for God and God alone. I felt convicted by the fact that I say that I am willing to die for Christ without being willing to live for Him. I delighted in the fact that AU Chi Alpha had a bonding moment of prayer. I realized that I am way more comfortable in a charismatic seeting than I would like to admit. I actually kinda love it. I find great joy in the jumping, hand raising, spirit praying, weeping, falling on the ground, speaking prophecy, healing the sick.... oh shall I go on? I mean I still think that some of the theology is a little messed up, but everything I love about the charismatic Church is biblical. I desire and I long for more of the Father, the Son, and the Spirit...

Coming to the Luke 18 conferece, my world has been completely destroyed. Completely destroyed. I kinda realized that I don't know Jesus, I'm not in agreement with Jesus, I don't understand the fact that Jesus is coming back, I haven't giving my life to Jesus in its entirity... this weekend has totally crushed me. I think that I truly realized what the sacraments of communion meant for the first time in my life. I committed to living for God by following a Sacred Charge of prayer, fasting, and a holy lifestyle... I have been drawn into the prayer furnance and my heart is on fire for God.

While I'm not explaining everything here, I have been totally wrecked this week. My life, my amibitions, my hopes, my dream, my faith have been demolished. This life- His life- will never be the same. It can't be.

"All-consuming fire You're our heart's desire
Living flame of love come baptize us

Let us fall more in love with You

Let us know how high how deep how wide is
Love Love Love"